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My sister works in sales at an insurance agency as a part of a management trainee program, she's a recent grad and is shy and timid and very petite and though she is 23, she looks like she is 14. A customer came in last week and was very rude to her, told her that she should not be dressed the way she is because it makes her look like she is 12(my sister wears business skirts, blouses and heels, jewelry), and she said that my sister needs to gain 20 pounds and dress more like a woman or else no man will want her. The woman said more things-the tirade lasted a while. Her manager kept coming to her defense. She later found out that this woman's husband used to be a pimp and that her son is a drug dealer. In any case my sister felt humiliated and embarrassed. She just stood there frozen in place.
Now if it were me, I know I would have probably gotten fired because I would have made that woman cry-I have a mouth on me and can go in on people if I need to. But I can imagine the shock she might have felt, and I've worked in sales before and when customers used to try to go off on me I went off right back. The thing is a lot of people are really rude, and they think they can treat you any type of way. I recently witnessed my son get bullied by another kid and I had to stop myself for wanting to go in on that kids parents-instead I told my son that the next time that kid hits him, he better hit him back(he's 4) since it was clear that the teachers don't always pay attention and I'm not always around to stop it. I explained that self defense is important-if someone is coming at you in anyway that harms you emotionally, physically, or verbally that you have the right to stand up for yourself as long as you are prepared to deal with the potential consequences-standing up for yourself is essential. Or at least to me it is.
I'm curious though, when confronted with people that are very rude or treat you unfairly how do you usually react?
I think that being attacked by a customer in your workplace is a different type of "bullying" and one should learn to deal with it in a different way than if it happens in your personal life.
Since this is her first job out of college, this is probably good experience for her, to learn when she's young how to respond (and not respond) to customers with inappropriate behavior. It's sad that she was humiliated, yes, but it's actually good that she's not the "reactive" type who would have to learn to hold back in order to be professional. She was "frozen" but at least she didn't respond inappropriately by attacking the customer.
She'll be able to learn with experience that some customers will just be mean, nasty, insane, and that she should not react emotionally to that, but remain calm and maintain her professionalism. In my experience, the people who are more reactive or "can't keep their mouth shut" have a harder lesson to learn than your sister does.
So if someone in my personal life treated me that way, I would respond one way. But if someone in my professional life treated me that way, like a client or customer, I would react another way.
I've always worked in mental health, and my first job out of college was like boot camp for learning how to take verbal abuse. I soon got used to being yelled at, being called every name in the book, being accused of all kinds of bizarre things, having every tiny aspect of my appearance commented on. It would have been inappropriate for me to get agitated, or show if I was upset. And after a while, I was pretty unflappable. What makes a big difference is co-workers or a supervisor who you can talk to after it happens, to just vent, get perspective, or plan how to handle it next time. Just like your sister later learned of the abusive woman's horrible life, I had to take into account the horrible things these abusive clients were going through. The abusive behavior was not about me at all, so I was able to stop taking it personally. This nasty woman's behavior was not about your sister at all, but about this woman's problems.
I also looked younger than my age back then, so I was even more motivated to adopt a style that was very adult and professional to make up for that. It's good that your sister didn't react emotionally--that would have made her look even more like a kid.
So tell your sister this was actually a good experience for her. She'll benefit from this kind of stuff. If she's a non-assertive pushover in her personal life, she can get help with that through counseling, self-help exercises, or an assertiveness group. But for her professional life, I think she's already on the right track.
I've been bullied on the job in my younger years. I have 26 years in my profession now and in recent years had at least two coworkers try to bully me. I have a mouth on me and I spewed out a couple of colorful words with a raised voice. You guessed it. I was called into the boss's office for it. I pointed out to everybody within - I'm older, have more experience; many of my coworkers (and a few supervisors) are young enough to be my sons/daughters. I'm college educated and a U.S. Army veteran! Nobody mistreats me! I'll sooner grab my jacket and go home, and they damn well know this!
Just Work your hardest, show professionalism, and respect. But...don't take **** from anybody!!!!
This is a good point. I am more reactive but typically can do it in a way that still appears professional enough that I might not be fired about it. However I do have personal boundaries where if broken I would lose all sense of professionalism-for instance someone getting violent with me for instance. However admittingly I also don't work in customer centered environments anymore for that reason, I know that I can quickly go from professional to straight ghetto if someone rubs me the wrong way and in sales or customer service the chances of that happening increase substantially. In my current role now i don't deal with the public.
You have opened my eyes to something though, in some ways being a passive person in these types of situation can make it easier for you to deal with mean people professionally.
I've been bullied on the job in my younger years. I have 26 years in my profession now and in recent years had at least two coworkers try to bully me. I have a mouth on me and I spewed out a couple of colorful words with a raised voice. You guessed it. I was called into the boss's office for it. I pointed out to everybody within - I'm older, have more experience; many of my coworkers (and a few supervisors) are young enough to be my sons/daughters. I'm college educated and a U.S. Army veteran! Nobody mistreats me! I'll sooner grab my jacket and go home, and they damn well know this!
Just Work your hardest, show professionalism, and respect. But...don't take **** from anybody!!!!
I like you. And I agree. Especially with the last line.
There was one situation when a boss who was a known douche talked down to talk me--and he had done that to others as well and everyone took it. I was so shocked that a manager would do that because it had never happened before that I was silent for about 2 minutes after it happened. And then I walked over to his assistant because I could not find the manager and I quit, right in the middle of a waitressing shift. I realized then that i don't like being disrespected and that I can't just "take it" and pretend that it's okay for people to think they can treat me badly.
I've never been bullied as an adult, but one time when I was a little kid there was a older boy who lived down the street. He liked to use me as a punching bag. But one day he tried that when I happened to be holding a baseball bat. I lost my temper and almost killed him, I think. He never touched me again.
There is no reason that an employee should feel obligated to stand there and take personal abuse from anyone, even a customer, especially with the manager standing right there. Managers know when a customer is being rude and out of line. The manager should have had your sister go to another room (leave the area in some way), and told the woman to state her business or kindly move along.
I have never been bullied or personally attacked in the workplace, but in my experience the direct approach is best. Tell the person, as calmly as possible, that their comments have crossed a line and that you don't tolerate personal attacks. If they have something work-related to discuss, they may do so, otherwise they need to leave you alone.
A customer came in last week and was very rude to her, told her that she should not be dressed the way she is because it makes her look like she is 12(my sister wears business skirts, blouses and heels, jewelry), and she said that my sister needs to gain 20 pounds and dress more like a woman or else no man will want her. The woman said more things-the tirade lasted a while. Her manager kept coming to her defense. She later found out that this woman's husband used to be a pimp and that her son is a drug dealer. In any case my sister felt humiliated and embarrassed. She just stood there frozen in place.
You don't have to. But then begs the question why respond?
Here's the context:
The customer was irate about her premium going up, and the woman was in her fifties as a long time customer, in any case because my sister was explaining to her why her premium went up the woman tried to demean her and her professionalism. Now my sister has frequently gotten told she looks like a teenager because she's 4ft11, with a petite body, and a kid looking face, even when she dresses up she looks like a teen. When she told me the story I was surprised but yes this happened.
Furthermore I'm not a troll and would not waste my time making up this story-for what purpose?
Now if you don't believe it don't post but please spare me the whole "that can't possibly happen". Yes it can. People can be just that rude.
I think that being attacked by a customer in your workplace is a different type of "bullying" and one should learn to deal with it in a different way than if it happens in your personal life.
Since this is her first job out of college, this is probably good experience for her, to learn when she's young how to respond (and not respond) to customers with inappropriate behavior. It's sad that she was humiliated, yes, but it's actually good that she's not the "reactive" type who would have to learn to hold back in order to be professional. She was "frozen" but at least she didn't respond inappropriately by attacking the customer.
She'll be able to learn with experience that some customers will just be mean, nasty, insane, and that she should not react emotionally to that, but remain calm and maintain her professionalism. In my experience, the people who are more reactive or "can't keep their mouth shut" have a harder lesson to learn than your sister does.
So if someone in my personal life treated me that way, I would respond one way. But if someone in my professional life treated me that way, like a client or customer, I would react another way.
I've always worked in mental health, and my first job out of college was like boot camp for learning how to take verbal abuse. I soon got used to being yelled at, being called every name in the book, being accused of all kinds of bizarre things, having every tiny aspect of my appearance commented on. It would have been inappropriate for me to get agitated, or show if I was upset. And after a while, I was pretty unflappable. What makes a big difference is co-workers or a supervisor who you can talk to after it happens, to just vent, get perspective, or plan how to handle it next time. Just like your sister later learned of the abusive woman's horrible life, I had to take into account the horrible things these abusive clients were going through. The abusive behavior was not about me at all, so I was able to stop taking it personally. This nasty woman's behavior was not about your sister at all, but about this woman's problems.
I also looked younger than my age back then, so I was even more motivated to adopt a style that was very adult and professional to make up for that. It's good that your sister didn't react emotionally--that would have made her look even more like a kid.
So tell your sister this was actually a good experience for her. She'll benefit from this kind of stuff. If she's a non-assertive pushover in her personal life, she can get help with that through counseling, self-help exercises, or an assertiveness group. But for her professional life, I think she's already on the right track.
No. Not all of us have had the sort of training that you have, and it is unrealistic to expect an employee to just sit and take abuse of any kind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
There is no reason that an employee should feel obligated to stand there and take personal abuse from anyone, even a customer, especially with the manager standing right there. Managers know when a customer is being rude and out of line. The manager should have had your sister go to another room (leave the area in some way), and told the woman to state her business or kindly move along.
I have never been bullied or personally attacked in the workplace, but in my experience the direct approach is best. Tell the person, as calmly as possible, that their comments have crossed a line and that you don't tolerate personal attacks. If they have something work-related to discuss, they may do so, otherwise they need to leave you alone.
Or....what she ^^^ said.
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