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Honestly, you are casting a LOT of negative aspersions toward the new wife that really are not based on anything concrete. You don't know for a fact that James is being so unduly influenced by her.
I would just let all that go and continue to be a friend to him in a way that is consistent, knowing that he will be less available now that he is married.
Not for a fact, perhaps. However, we both know James' personality, that he is friendly, gregarious, and used to want to hang out with us quite frequently, and the behavior of his wife, in which she actively avoids participating in any social activities with us. When James went to dinner and out to drinks to celebrate a mutual friend's 60th birthday, he picked up an unwilling Jasmine to join us at the club after we had dinner with the friend. Jasmine said about five sentences the whole three hours we were there, didn't drink anything, not even a Coke, and actually dozed off a couple of times! Now we aren't the most sophisticated people on the planet, but I don't think we're THAT dull.
A friend of my wife and myself got married in August. She is an FTM transgender person who has been with his now wife for several years. We are somewhat close to him, a man I'll call James. We don't know his wife (I'll call her Jasmine) very well, however, since she only recently started coming around our little social group. We see James several times a year at various parties and get togethers, talk and text and such. We were very supportive when he decided to transition into a man, and according to James, Jasmine was as well. James told us he and Jasmine were getting married in our town a couple of months before the ceremony. We were happy for him and expressed our congratulations, even though none of us care much for Jasmine. She is very introverted (asocial might be a better term), and we suspect she is also controlling, but we aren't sure since James hasn't really discussed his relationship with her at all. Jasmine hasn't made any effort to be friendly with us, although we have with her. We have never said anything to James about our feelings toward Jasmine, believing if he loves her, that's all that matters. James told us it would be a family only ceremony. Our social group was put off by this since many of us had known him for decades and had supported him through all sorts of turmoil, including his transition.
A week ago we received their wedding announcement in the mail, complete with pictures of their beach ceremony and smiling faces. Although we are really happy for them, the wedding announcement offended us because it felt like they were reminding us again about not inviting us to their wedding. Everyone has a right to invite whoever they want to their wedding. James and Jasmine can exclude their friends if they want. But I don't understand the purpose of the wedding announcement. Do they want a gift? Am I getting bent out of shape for nothing? Or were they being inconsiderate?
Not for a fact, perhaps. However, we both know James' personality, that he is friendly, gregarious, and used to want to hang out with us quite frequently, and the behavior of his wife, in which she actively avoids participating in any social activities with us. When James went to dinner and out to drinks to celebrate a mutual friend's 60th birthday, he picked up an unwilling Jasmine to join us at the club after we had dinner with the friend. Jasmine said about five sentences the whole three hours we were there, didn't drink anything, not even a Coke, and actually dozed off a couple of times! Now we aren't the most sophisticated people on the planet, but I don't think we're THAT dull.
He has to live with her, I guess.
The worst thing you can do is let her affect your feelings for him.
Not for a fact, perhaps. However, we both know James' personality, that he is friendly, gregarious, and used to want to hang out with us quite frequently, and the behavior of his wife, in which she actively avoids participating in any social activities with us. When James went to dinner and out to drinks to celebrate a mutual friend's 60th birthday, he picked up an unwilling Jasmine to join us at the club after we had dinner with the friend. Jasmine said about five sentences the whole three hours we were there, didn't drink anything, not even a Coke, and actually dozed off a couple of times! Now we aren't the most sophisticated people on the planet, but I don't think we're THAT dull.
She may be autistic. She may have social anxiety. She may just not have an outgoing personality, and doesn't feel particularly engaged by her husband's friends. None of these make her a bad person.
It's starting to make more sense. Perhaps it's because I have never received a wedding announcement (only invitations,) and I have never not been invited to the wedding of a friend or family member. My perceptions may also be colored by Jasmine's decidely frosty behavior towards all of us. I suspect the fact that the guest list was "family only" was not James' idea, but Jasmine's. James is a very outgoing, gregarious person, and since meeting Jasmine, we have seen a lot less of him.
You've NEVER not been invited to a wedding? Surely someone you know has gone the JP route, family only, limited number of guests, etc. - for many reasons, i.e.: didn't want to spend the money on a wedding and use it for a home, vacation, whatever.
....A week ago we received their wedding announcement in the mail, complete with pictures of their beach ceremony and smiling faces. Although we are really happy for them, the wedding announcement offended us because it felt like they were reminding us again about not inviting us to their wedding. Everyone has a right to invite whoever they want to their wedding. James and Jasmine can exclude their friends if they want. But I don't understand the purpose of the wedding announcement. Do they want a gift? Am I getting bent out of shape for nothing? Or were they being inconsiderate?
I would just take it that they went ahead and had the type of ceremony they wanted, and that the announcement is just that. The photo is like a picture postcard of the event.
You are obviously hurt, which is regrettable, but IMO you are over-reacting.
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