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I am going to the reunion at the specific request of about five people. The issue is how, short of punching out the other two, do I handle them?
Grow up. Either say something nice or don't say anything at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa
No, this happened in February 2015. Nixon was long dead. We became friendly around the time Nixon was re-elected.
It depends on whether he tries to handle matters as "business as usual" when they're not. The other person, who wouldn't shake my hand at 1995 or 2005 won't lower himself to talking to me anyway. We had been friends since high school but since I was unpopular in elementary and junior high school I'm beneath him.
Seriously how old are you? 14? Who even thinks like this past the age of 14?
I just took a long nap to think about a lot of what has been posted here. It is obvious that most people have no concept of the pain of losing a long-time friend. Either they are lucky enough never to have lost one or have never really had one.
Friendship is not a Facebook concept. It is real life. It is being reached out to when someone in the family dies and being there. It is sharing facts of personal life, including details of marriages, upbringings and parentings. When those flow smoothly, with some interruptions for just under 43 years it doesn't go into the great beyond easily. Is there something that is not communicating?
There are many threads on here about situations where for no apparent reason communication stops. What is different and more difficult here is that a reunion is bringing us together, whether we like it or not. Is attendance mandatory? No. But as a general proposition should one at least try to keep up with people with whom you've traveled through important parts of life? The question answers itself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa
The other person, who wouldn't shake my hand at 1995 or 2005 won't lower himself to talking to me anyway. We had been friends since high school but since I was unpopular in elementary and junior high school I'm beneath him.
Seriously how old are you? 14? Who even thinks like this past the age of 14?
I re-highlighted the part of the post to which you responded. I was referring to his reactions and mentality. Trust me, there are many that think that way. I'm now looking for a Times Op-Ed on this subject from the early 1970's and will post when I find it.
I just took a long nap to think about a lot of what has been posted here. It is obvious that most people have no concept of the pain of losing a long-time friend. Either they are lucky enough never to have lost one or have never really had one.
Friendship is not a Facebook concept. It is real life. It is being reached out to when someone in the family dies and being there. It is sharing facts of personal life, including details of marriages, upbringings and parentings. When those flow smoothly, with some interruptions for just under 43 years it doesn't go into the great beyond easily. Is there something that is not communicating?
There are many threads on here about situations where for no apparent reason communication stops. What is different and more difficult here is that a reunion is bringing us together, whether we like it or not. Is attendance mandatory? No. But as a general proposition should one at least try to keep up with people with whom you've traveled through important parts of life? The question answers itself.
Many of the people who have replied to you are middle-aged and certainly have experienced what you described. Your lecturing us about "real friendship" is just you deflecting the real problem.
What doesn't "answer itself" is the role YOU play in your own misery. Can you really not see it?
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 10-04-2015 at 03:47 PM..
Reason: typo
OP, YOU ended the friendship unilaterally, without discussion. You never gave him a chance to explain his side or to even apologize. YOU ended the friendship because he failed to live up to YOUR standards.
Get it keep straight about who exercised the real choices here.
I just took a long nap to think about a lot of what has been posted here. It is obvious that most people have no concept of the pain of losing a long-time friend. Either they are lucky enough never to have lost one or have never really had one.
Friendship is not a Facebook concept. It is real life. It is being reached out to when someone in the family dies and being there. It is sharing facts of personal life, including details of marriages, upbringings and parentings. When those flow smoothly, with some interruptions for just under 43 years it doesn't go into the great beyond easily. Is there something that is not communicating?
There are many threads on here about situations where for no apparent reason communication stops. What is different and more difficult here is that a reunion is bringing us together, whether we like it or not. Is attendance mandatory? No. But as a general proposition should one at least try to keep up with people with whom you've traveled through important parts of life? The question answers itself.
I've lost friends. Some I've drifted from. Some have stabbed me in the back. You sound like you still place a great importance on these HS friends. I have a feeling, they feel more life they've drifted from you. People don't usually stay close to all of their HS friends. I had a group of 5 close friends through MS and HS. I'm still close to one. One was a flaky back-stabber. The others I just grew apart from. We all have our own lives now, and that's ok.
No, it isn't. It is only bringing you together if you choose to go. Most people don't go. Most people realize that if these people were really their friends, they wouldn't need a reunion to bring them together. My husband graduated in a class of about 1000. About 100 came to the 20th reunion. Do the math, and then stay home.
Friendships end. It happens. They ebb and flow, its how life goes. You can't force a friendship, and thats what you are trying to do. If someone wants to be your friend, they will be. If they dont, they wont, and theres nothing you can do to make it happen. To call people out on it is childish. You could always be the bigger person, smile and be nice, like there is nothing wrong. Maybe these people will talk to you, maybe they wont. If they dont, so what? If they do, be polite and nice, and move on. Obviously they have moved on.
Ive seen 10 year olds handle situations better than you are.
I see Number 1 all the time and in fact, we had a pleasant tennis game two weeks ago Saturday and a pleasant swim thereafter. My point is I see him often; why at a reunion in particular.
Exactly. Why go? So don't. You see those you want to at other times, so what's the big deal?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa
The backstory is that he bails when peoples' loved ones die. In January 1973 I didn't even tell him my dad died until late that August. I really like showing up people who present as having a very urbane, mature personality but at bottom have the maturity of 10 year olds.
Bawls. He bawls.
So you want to "show him up". Kids in elementary school do that. Most adults do not. They have matured.
Quote:
Originally Posted by eureka1
Stay home. YOU have the maturity of a ten year-old. And if you go, don't burden anyone with your business card. Most people prefer to do business with adults.
Spot on. Stay home, OP. If I had observed your immature behavior, I certainly would never do business with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa
I just took a long nap to think about a lot of what has been posted here. It is obvious that most people have no concept of the pain of losing a long-time friend. Either they are lucky enough never to have lost one or have never really had one.
Friendship is not a Facebook concept. It is real life. It is being reached out to when someone in the family dies and being there. It is sharing facts of personal life, including details of marriages, upbringings and parentings. When those flow smoothly, with some interruptions for just under 43 years it doesn't go into the great beyond easily. Is there something that is not communicating?
There are many threads on here about situations where for no apparent reason communication stops. What is different and more difficult here is that a reunion is bringing us together, whether we like it or not. Is attendance mandatory? No. But as a general proposition should one at least try to keep up with people with whom you've traveled through important parts of life? The question answers itself.I re-highlighted the part of the post to which you responded. I was referring to his reactions and mentality. Trust me, there are many that think that way. I'm now looking for a Times Op-Ed on this subject from the early 1970's and will post when I find it.
Yes, friendship IS real life. Many people have good and great friends. I have several. None of those friends are from high school. My absolute best, closest friends are people I met in college. Others are people I've met in various other life situations - through my kids, through my career, through my neighborhood.
I traveled 4 years of high school with people. That's it. Hardly the 4 most memorable years of my life, and I had a great high school experience.
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