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Old 10-04-2015, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Hong Kong/Minnesota
60 posts, read 94,005 times
Reputation: 157

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Situation:
  • I recently applied for a job opening and mentioned it to a "friend" of mine.
  • This "friend" of mine told her sister's boyfriend to apply for the same job I was applying for.
  • She apologized profusely and wanted to make up because she felt bad for telling her sister's boyfriend to compete with me.
  • I told her that I'll just take a moment to think about it before we talk again. I really don't know how I feel about it, to be honest.
I am annoyed because:
  • She only found out about this position because I mentioned it to her and she used the information to benefit her sister's boyfriend, at the detriment of me. I am aware there will be competition, nonetheless, with or without him, but I am disappointed she'd do that.
I am looking the other way because:
  • She was honest about what she did and she probably knew she did something potentially offensive because she admitted to it without me even asking. I appreciate honesty.
  • We have had good times together and she's an otherwise okay friend.

I don't know. I feel like I have a bone stuck in my throat and I don't know what to think or say. I've asked other friends of mine what they'd feel in such a situation (without revealing who it is) and some say it's a shady action for her to do and not to talk for a while, whilst others say, let it go and move on.

I'm generally depressed about a variety of things in my life right now and this is one of the things that are on my mind at the moment.

Would you be upset? Thanks


.
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Old 10-04-2015, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by minnesota nice View Post
I am looking the other way

Would you be upset? Thanks


.
Yes, but I would, as you have already said, look the other way.
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Old 10-04-2015, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Dunedin, FL
181 posts, read 492,661 times
Reputation: 433
Not even her own boyfriend, her sister's boyfriend is more important to this "okay" friend than you. I would most definitely be upset. And if it were me, she would instantly go from an "okay" friend to an ex-friend.
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Old 10-04-2015, 04:50 PM
 
Location: South Wales, United Kingdom
5,238 posts, read 4,041,938 times
Reputation: 4245
It is annoying but you can't do anything about it now. Let it be a lesson learnt that if you want something for yourself, don't go telling others about it. Good luck - I hope you get the job.
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Old 10-04-2015, 05:03 PM
 
Location: 89052 & 75206
8,103 posts, read 8,284,205 times
Reputation: 19902
Quote:
Originally Posted by Star10101 View Post
It is annoying but you can't do anything about it now. Let it be a lesson learnt that if you want something for yourself, don't go telling others about it. Good luck - I hope you get the job.
This is what I also believe. Your friend did 'fess up and I think you should be as annoyed with yourself as with her. If you are in competition for something you really care about, keep your cards close to your chest. Only discuss the specifics of your job search on a need to know basis. For example, if you are interviewing for a job and have been asked back, you should be developing a list of references. You should be asking those on your list for permission to provide contact information and even let them know they may possibly hear from XYZ Corp. Otherwise, keep your lips zipped.
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Old 10-04-2015, 05:09 PM
 
Location: sumter
12,956 posts, read 9,604,182 times
Reputation: 10427
Quote:
Originally Posted by minnesota nice View Post
Situation:
  • I recently applied for a job opening and mentioned it to a "friend" of mine.
  • This "friend" of mine told her sister's boyfriend to apply for the same job I was applying for.
  • She apologized profusely and wanted to make up because she felt bad for telling her sister's boyfriend to compete with me.
  • I told her that I'll just take a moment to think about it before we talk again. I really don't know how I feel about it, to be honest.
I am annoyed because:
  • She only found out about this position because I mentioned it to her and she used the information to benefit her sister's boyfriend, at the detriment of me. I am aware there will be competition, nonetheless, with or without him, but I am disappointed she'd do that.
I am looking the other way because:
  • She was honest about what she did and she probably knew she did something potentially offensive because she admitted to it without me even asking. I appreciate honesty.
  • We have had good times together and she's an otherwise okay friend.
I don't know. I feel like I have a bone stuck in my throat and I don't know what to think or say. I've asked other friends of mine what they'd feel in such a situation (without revealing who it is) and some say it's a shady action for her to do and not to talk for a while, whilst others say, let it go and move on.

I'm generally depressed about a variety of things in my life right now and this is one of the things that are on my mind at the moment.

Would you be upset? Thanks


.
No need to waste your energy being upset, what's done is done . Just let this be a life lesson on not telling all of your business to your friends. Next time wait until after the fact to tell them about what you are doing or what you are up to. I don't believe in telling friends or people in general about every little personal things I'm working on until after I'm done. People don't always wish you well and jealous friends or people will try to undermine what you are trying to do. Unless I needed my friends help, I would have never said anything until I know I had that job in the bag.
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Old 10-04-2015, 05:12 PM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,874 posts, read 7,851,412 times
Reputation: 18199
I've opened my mouth and blabbed stuff without considering the consequences.

I really like that she acknowledged her mistake quickly and has attempted to make amends.

Good friends are hard to come by, and I wish I had done a better job of holding on to some of the people I've let go.

Maybe you'll get the job and he won't and it will be all water under the bridge.

If you are struggling with depression, why not get some help? No need to live your life under a cloud!
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Old 10-04-2015, 05:15 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,849,639 times
Reputation: 24135
It really sounds like a flub on her part, not a purposeful slight. Let it go. She was honest with you
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Old 10-04-2015, 05:16 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,103,864 times
Reputation: 62664
What mistake?
Who is to say the other person would not have found out about the job somewhere else?
When did open positions become the sole property of one who is applying for that position?

The friend did nothing wrong.
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Old 10-04-2015, 05:18 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,489,133 times
Reputation: 12549
To be fair I assume you will be competing with others for the job anyway?

I wouldn't get too upset myself mate
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