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...this isn't about you. It's about your husband, whose aunt has died. Was he close to her? Is he grieving? What does HE want to do? Whatever it is, you should support him. He knows how you feel about the family, and he knows what your daughter can and cannot handle. If he's OK with you staying home, then stay home. But if he wants you to go to support him, you should suck it up and go.
I agree with this. Don't whine to hubby about his kin, just ask him if he'd mind if you didn't go due to your daughter and the accommodations. If he says he'd really like you there, just go with him and don't complain... assuming you love him.
The fact that you give about 10 different excuses ranging from not having anything to wear to your child not being able to travel to family issues makes it sound pretty bad. You can do what you want if your husband doesn't need your support. But when you "give your regrets" pick a single reasonable excuse otherwise you sound like a child trying to get out of something you just don't wanna do.
Location: In a little house on the prairie - literally
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This is not about you, it is about your husband and his family. What is HIS thoughts?
If he is at all hesitant, don't push it, and just go. Many of us swallow our thoughts and pride for family events where people we really don't care for will also be there.
Be kind, be nonconfrontational, and know it is just a temporary situation.
My husband s aunt passe on Sunday in Baltimore Maryland her funeral is next Tuesday at 11 A. M. now I cannot stand his oldest sister and do not wont to be in that car with her for 5 long hours then I have a 22 year old special needs daughter also she and I both are not used to traveling may be to much for her.
My daughter attends a day support group 5 days a week and she went back on yesterday after 2 weeks being sick I or her have anything to wear I have only one suit when my husband goes home to visit his sister Sunday is the one we would stay with well they went up before his aunt passed last week Kevin ended up being at his brother s Peter s the whole time no one came to pick him up take to his sisters.
Its like you get there no things have changed his brothers house is crowded his niece and nephew and her baby think to move out on the 23rd this month usually my husband sleeps in the basement not this time in the lounge chair in his bedroom I was like where would my daughter and I sleep.
His sister has said some things about me concerning how I take care of Kevin she does not appreciate me and sometimes I do not feel has my daughter s best interest at heart she does not treat Kevin right he has a big family I am staying home all to it.
What does your husband want? You never mentioned that. Does he want you to go? If so, you should go.
Remember the part in your vows that said, "for better or for worse?" This falls under the "for worse" part.
Put thoughts of your own comfort aside and be there for your husband. No complaining, no sulking, no pouting, no anger. Do for him what you would hope that he would do for you. Focus on him and what he needs from you. If that means you have a few days that seem unbearable, remember this: It's not him lying in that coffin. And it's not you, either. It will pass, and then you can get on with the rest of your life.
I didn't go to my husband's stepmother's funeral. Why not? I was the only one working and my employer wouldn't let me change shifts so I could go. She knew I couldn't afford to get fired, because she had fired my husband the week before.
Still, even though I had a good reason, my father-in-law never forgave me for missing the funeral. After that, he'd talk about how he couldn't wait for my husband to get a divorce so he'd have time for family again (although FIL never wanted to spend time with him when the stepmother was alive).
My point? Family dynamics are a tricky thing and people won't really remember what you did while you were there, but they'll remember if you don't show up. It sounds like if you do go, for the comfort of your special needs daughter, the three of you should stay at a motel and take a cab to the funeral. And you don't need to wear a suit, any shirt and skirt or slacks that don't look too loud or like party clothes would be suitable.
usually my husband sleeps in the basement not this time in the lounge chair in his bedroom I was like where would my daughter and I sleep.
These are the biggest factors. Unless he was best friends with her and very close or really looked up to her, it seems the biggest factor is that there is no room for you to sleep there. Maybe this is a time when immediate family (him, not with you along) reminisce together.
Death is a reminder that life is really too short. Too short to put yourself in situations you will hate if you absolutely know you will be uncomfortable there. YOU could die tomorrow, and you should find something productive to do with the weekend so you can feel like you accomplished something.
I always end up with a personal battle, trying to figure out if I should go, or not to go. If it's someone who wasn't that close to you, and it makes life tough, then don't go...Unless you will feel guilty later.
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