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It's my mother. I wanted to let him sit in there until his Dec 2 court date. She didn't want to because then he would've lost his job...but I don't think that's a big deal, it's just Papa John's he's not out there saving the world. But he is in debt a lot. I definitely agree he needs to grow the **** up because we are tired of this nonsense. My mother is moving out of state in June so he is going ot have to do something then, we are mostly just trying to convince him not to stay in Arkansas. I'm out here in AR on a week long vacation from work, so all this got to happen while I was here...don;t like seeing my mother cry :/
Her choices. Her consequences.
His debt. His job. He choice to break the law multiple times. What's up with that?
He does not have to do anything for himself so long as family circles the wagons and protects him.
When you have a drug or alcohol abuser in your family, they will bring drama to your life. As others have pointed out better than I ever could, your mother and your brother are grown adults. You can't control what they do. The issue is how to love them, but not get caught up in the drama and cycles of craziness that are active drug using/enabling.
It's called loving detachment.
Continuing to love your mother and your brother. But learning how to pull back when you see another cycle of the madness gearing up.
How do you learn to do this? There are world-class experts right in your backyard. They meet regularly within 10 miles of your house, and they'll teach you all of this and a whole lot more for free. Al Anon is a fellowship of people who love someone who is an active addict/alcoholic. They can teach you how to limit the damage that these cycles can bring, without simply crossing these family members out of your life.
Look up the number in your phone book (yes, there will be someone at the end of the line 24/7). Ask for an open meeting. Go, get a cup of coffee, sit in the back of the room and listen to the stories they'll tell. You will be amazed, because within 5 minutes you'll hear some stranger talk about something that happened in your life, that you thought no one knew about. She knows about it because it happened in her life.
I know it works, because it helped me.
There is healing and hope to be found, without tossing your mother and your brother permanently out of your life. Good luck and God bless.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sommie789
qI hate to be political but I hate how they arrested him for weed.
He is not harming anyone.
In most cases, they aren't going to come inside someone's home and arrest them for smoking weed. It's either another illegal substance or the brother is selling haphazardly.TBH it's pretty rare to get arrested for that. What is he doing to draw so much attention to himself? LordHelmit is a regular poster and I'm surprised we haven't heard anything back.
Just like everyone else I've gotta ask how you can possibly get arrested multiple times for weed possession. You have to be either a complete idiot or literally go inside a police department and light up, or both I guess. Most police officers will simply make you dump it out and tell you to go home.
You aren't telling us the whole story OP, I suspect there are other drugs or crimes mixed in to this discussion, or he is dealing.
Tell your mom to stop bailing him out over this stuff and somehow sucker your brother into joining the military though un-othrodox means. The point is that you need to get him away from the substance. People at Papa Jhons probably knows he is into the weed so they keep him there. Getting him fired is also another step. He needs to face the real world and reality of his stupid situation.
Same bs happen to my family member. His mom spend thousands on prison phone calls, packages, and bs. You need to lay down the law on him and confront him. Next time you see a stash your going to dump it into the toilet.
Another family of mine had an addiction problem. He was about to sell his mothers prized possession but instead the two brothers fought it out, and the addict instead sold his brothers comic books.
Just like everyone else I've gotta ask how you can possibly get arrested multiple times for weed possession. You have to be either a complete idiot or literally go inside a police department and light up, or both I guess. Most police officers will simply make you dump it out and tell you to go home.
You aren't telling us the whole story OP, I suspect there are other drugs or crimes mixed in to this discussion, or he is dealing.
Because he IS an idiot. Every time he got arrested it's because he was riding around in his stupid little noisy ass subwoofer "race car" smoking blunts and the cops smell it pull him and arrest him...literally every time. Then he doesn't show up to the court date and gets picke dup for FTA.
Including today. here is an update. he just got arrested again. for FTA on possession. now he has to sit in jail for 60 days. absurd...i just called my mom, and she is heartbroken that her "baby" has to sit in jail, she doesn't want to let him stay in there...but i think i convinced her, through her tears and sobbing, that he absolutely positively NEEDS to dry out and think...and figure **** out for himself...that he needs to move out of her house after he gets out of jail. this is way too much unnecessary stress on my recovering alcoholic of a mother... and I'm 850 miles away, so I can't do jack...
Because he IS an idiot. Every time he got arrested it's because he was riding around in his stupid little noisy ass subwoofer "race car" smoking blunts and the cops smell it pull him and arrest him...literally every time. Then he doesn't show up to the court date and gets picke dup for FTA.
Including today. here is an update. he just got arrested again. for FTA on possession. now he has to sit in jail for 60 days. absurd...i just called my mom, and she is heartbroken that her "baby" has to sit in jail, she doesn't want to let him stay in there...but i think i convinced her, through her tears and sobbing, that he absolutely positively NEEDS to dry out and think...and figure **** out for himself...that he needs to move out of her house after he gets out of jail. this is way too much unnecessary stress on my recovering alcoholic of a mother... and I'm 850 miles away, so I can't do jack...
time to drink the problem away
Will your mother go to al-anon? It's not something I would normally endorse, but it helps people who like the AA model.
Will your mother go to al-anon? It's not something I would normally endorse, but it helps people who like the AA model.
She already goes to AA probably like 3 or 4 times a week, as she's 8 years sober now..and she's pretty much a "high falutin" member at their local group. I'll ask her about al anon, and I'll look into it myself. This is so beyond frustrating.
Looking at al-anon meetings near me and they all say "closed meeting"......nice to know that they are all so welcoming.
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