Have you lost a best friend because you've changed religious beliefs? (person, socializing)
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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Here is my dilemma:
I met this friend nearly 7 years ago in my Assemblies of God's church youth group. Over the years, we've become better and better friends. A lot of it was our things we did that were church related. Three years ago I moved out of state and our friendship kind of stalled for a year or two. Me and him kind of started getting tight again this year, when I moved back. We even went about getting a place together but that didn't work out. However, our friendship has never been better. When we need anything from each other or just want to do something on Sunday we text/call each other.
The problem? He has grown into a stronger practicing Christian and is really serious about walking his Christian lifestyle out. I've gone the opposite way however. I really can't say I live a religious life. I would place my beliefs closer to Deism. As in I believe there is a God, but I don't do religion or spiritual things, at this point. I'm in the party hard mindset now, which does not mesh well with 9am church services. I am becoming more liberal by the day. I am worried that I may fall away from one of very few people in my life who I've been able to count on and have a like mind with.
I've kind of struggled with my lack of religious belief the last few months. I have not really told anyone because I fear being judged since I've filled my inner circle with Christians and I do not really want to lose great people in my life, just because I believe differently than them.
I accept that some friends are going to come and go in my life as I get older and see the world. Do I have to accept the risk of losing this solid friendship as "just life"?
I met this friend nearly 7 years ago in my Assemblies of God's church youth group. Over the years, we've become better and better friends. A lot of it was our things we did that were church related. Three years ago I moved out of state and our friendship kind of stalled for a year or two. Me and him kind of started getting tight again this year, when I moved back. We even went about getting a place together but that didn't work out. However, our friendship has never been better. When we need anything from each other or just want to do something on Sunday we text/call each other.
The problem? He has grown into a stronger practicing Christian and is really serious about walking his Christian lifestyle out. I've gone the opposite way however. I really can't say I live a religious life. I would place my beliefs closer to Deism. As in I believe there is a God, but I don't do religion or spiritual things, at this point. I'm in the party hard mindset now, which does not mesh well with 9am church services. I am becoming more liberal by the day. I am worried that I may fall away from one of very few people in my life who I've been able to count on and have a like mind with.
I've kind of struggled with my lack of religious belief the last few months. I have not really told anyone because I fear being judged since I've filled my inner circle with Christians and I do not really want to lose great people in my life, just because I believe differently than them.
I accept that some friends are going to come and go in my life as I get older and see the world. Do I have to accept the risk of losing this solid friendship as "just life"?
Actually D, if he's a real solid friend you won't necessarily lose him.
If nothing else, he'll probably hang in there hoping to see you "turn things around" and come back towards the Christian values you shared at one point. (and whether you believe it or not, you might)
However, you and he might drift a bit since you aren't exactly enjoying the same kinds of recreation and socializing anymore.
I'd just be honest with him.
Tell him how much his friendship means, and that you have concerns your lifestyles are heading in different directions that you think might end your friendship, though that is not what you want to have happen.
If you are true friends you can weather this and find a way to accept each other for who you both are.
You said the main thing you had in common was the church-related things you did together, Maybe without that common bond, there just isn't enough there to keep the friendship going.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
You said the main thing you had in common was the church-related things you did together, Maybe without that common bond, there just isn't enough there to keep the friendship going.
One big thing I should have mentioned that bonded us also is football. We are major NFL and Madden fans. Just yesterday we watched the 1pm games at his place and I beat him for the first time ever in Madden. Still is that enough to maintain a close friendship I wonder.
Friendships come and go. And sometimes, they just wane for a while. After all, you are in your early- to mid-20s, right? That's when you try on a lot of different things on for size, including your beliefs.
I think the hardest thing for many to accept is that one is not fully oneself until five years after graduation. Your tastes, attitudes, and convictions may change radically during the first few years away from the bubble of school. And your choice of friends may be among them. Of all my friends I had in high school and college, I'm still tight with only a couple. The friends I had during this time grew in a different direction than I did. Yet I still try to stay in touch. Facebook is pretty cool that way.
As far as your friend is concerned, realize that he is going through the same evolution as a person. His own beliefs will likely change shape when the black-and-white theology of his youth meets with the reality of the real world. Hey, I'm a person of faith, but I'm not in-your-face about it. Maybe it's because I'm Episcopalian and that's just how we roll. Or he might become quite rigid in his approach to such matters. There's just no way of knowing.
Funny thing is, I actually was surprised to find myself in my twenties moving more towards faith rather than away from it, while some of Bible-beater acquaintances moved away from it once they got away from the tutelage of their parents.
So stay in touch because, hey, you never know. Your friend is most likely a work in progress, too. And good relationships in life are always something to be nurtured, even if you are not as close as you once were. For a person like your friend knows the person you once were, which is really worth having in life.
I met this friend nearly 7 years ago in my Assemblies of God's church youth group. Over the years, we've become better and better friends. A lot of it was our things we did that were church related. Three years ago I moved out of state and our friendship kind of stalled for a year or two. Me and him kind of started getting tight again this year, when I moved back. We even went about getting a place together but that didn't work out. However, our friendship has never been better. When we need anything from each other or just want to do something on Sunday we text/call each other.
The problem? He has grown into a stronger practicing Christian and is really serious about walking his Christian lifestyle out. I've gone the opposite way however. I really can't say I live a religious life. I would place my beliefs closer to Deism. As in I believe there is a God, but I don't do religion or spiritual things, at this point. I'm in the party hard mindset now, which does not mesh well with 9am church services. I am becoming more liberal by the day. I am worried that I may fall away from one of very few people in my life who I've been able to count on and have a like mind with.
I've kind of struggled with my lack of religious belief the last few months. I have not really told anyone because I fear being judged since I've filled my inner circle with Christians and I do not really want to lose great people in my life, just because I believe differently than them.
I accept that some friends are going to come and go in my life as I get older and see the world. Do I have to accept the risk of losing this solid friendship as "just life"?
Don't sweat it. Real friendship should never be conditional, especially when it comes to something ridiculous like religion. Never sacrifice your core beliefs for anyone. A real friend would understand that. Organized religion is why the world is so effed up to begin with.
Last edited by thenewtexan; 09-23-2013 at 07:22 PM..
It wasn't me that changed but I stopped hanging out with my best friend when I was a kid because he became a weird Jew for Jesus, those guys are loons. That's just the breaks sometimes. You have to let go of people when they go nutty nuts on you lest you be dragged into their mire.
Don't sweat it. Real friendship should never be conditional, especially when it comes to something ridiculous like religion. Never sacrifice your core beliefs for anyone. A real friend would understand that. Organized religion is why the world is so effed up to begin with.
The world would still be screwed up without religion. So many people think "without religion, the planet would be perfect." Thanks for trying to derail this post so you can parrot die-hard atheist views.
Anyway, I choose not to be friends with extremists, whether they are atheists, Christians, Jews, etc. So I have not lost a friendship because of religion. I can't stand fundamentalists of any kind.
The world would still be screwed up without religion. So many people think "without religion, the planet would be perfect." Thanks for trying to derail this post so you can parrot die-hard atheist views.
Anyway, I choose not to be friends with extremists, whether they are atheists, Christians, Jews, etc. So I have not lost a friendship because of religion. I can't stand fundamentalists of any kind.
Personally, I can love my friends regardless of their beliefs, or lack of them, as long as they are people with character, heart and compassion - EVEN IF they are fundamentalists.
A good friend will respect your decision. Just hope he doesn't turn his religion into a clique.
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I am becoming more liberal by the day. I am worried that I may fall away from one of very few people in my life who I've been able to count on and have a like mind with. 
