Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't see how you can spend any more time around these guys. You knew his GF was screwing around on him behind is back, and said nothing. That said, he'd probably not be your friend anymore if you'd told him. That's how that usually pans out, which I learned the hard way.
So how do you hang out with a couple, where you know the wife has screwed around on your friend, and you know if you told your friend, he'd stop being your friend?
I've been friends with "Jack" for quite a few years, and up until recently, I thought his girlfriend "Jill" was a pretty good girl. Even when he was having disagreements with her, I had told him that he was pretty lucky to someone like her around, and I meant it.
Some time ago, they came up against a pretty intense disagreement that ultimately led to them breaking up. A couple months before they came to the break up point, she starts dating one of his best friends behind his back. When I found out, I wasn't all that happy about that, but it wasn't my life, and I didn't get involved in that, and stayed friendly to all involved.
About a month after that, I found that she bold faced lied to a family member in order to get that family member to buy her a new car (largely revolved around her claim that it was going to get gas mileage about triple was actually true, and this was the big motivator for the family member to buy it for her as her current vehicle got horrible gas mileage which she couldn't afford on her low paying job). The lie started to unravel on Facebook as she was bragging about her new car on her page, and a couple of us made jokes about how horrible the mileage was on such a vehicle, and how much of a money pit it was ultimately going to be. She unfriends those of us making those comments because she fears that said family member will begin to put two and two together, realize that they were lied to, and get quite upset as this particular family member was burned financially by Jill at least once before, along with Jill's sister doing the same thing.
When she tried to re-friend me several weeks later, acting like nothing ever happened, saying that she doesn't know why I'm upset with her because she does stuff like this all the time, etc. I declined, and when she pressed for a reason, I told her that I couldn't call someone who would do something like that a friend. By this point in time, Jack had found out about the affair, and other things, and was pretty pissed off at her..I figured I wouldn't see much of her any more, and that was that.
Fast forward a couple more months, and Jack and Jill reconcile, along with Jill getting pregnant with Jack's child. At this point, they're acting like nothing had ever happened, and they're as happy as can be. Fair enough...they're both adults, they make their own choices, and take whatever happens as a result....
...except, they're also acting like we're all friends again, and nothing ever happened..want to hang out as friends again, etc. To me, if Jack wants to be with her again, knowing what happened, it's his choice, and I'm not going to try to convince him otherwise and I still consider him to be a good friend. But that doesn't mean I'm comfortable with being around her on a "friends" basis.
That said...what do I do? I feel like a jerk if I said it's her or I, or that I don't want to be around a lying con artist. But on the other hand, knowing what happened in the past, while I'm not going to hold a grudge against her (as I'm not going to intentionally get myself worked up over it, lol), she's still not someone that I'd call a friend either and I feel like she's basically using him for financial gain as well.
Sadly, it's her kind that seem to be fruitful and multiply. Oooh…It makes me wonder
Oooh…It makes me wonder
I'm just wondering why Jack even wants you to still be his friend. You knew his gf was dating his best friend for months behind his back and said nothing. And while you apparently had no problems with her cheating on your friend for months, you get upset because she duped a family member to buy her a car?
Hey OP, this, ^^^^ is your best response and shows that your loyalties and priorities are a little, shall I say, SCREWED UP! You ought to fix yourself before you try fixing others.
Jack will indeed need a friend on down the road when this all implodes.
If an activity includes Jill, you have "other plans".
If Jack wants to out for a beer, go fishing, or to a car show, just you two or a group of guys: Sure'
You don't have to "manage" anything. You are available to socialize with him, but not her.
If he presses, don't explain, but tell him the sad truth that you are not comfortable with Jill. Silence is your best friend. Pause. Say very, very little.
If he gets riled up, tell him you have valued and will miss his friendship. But you've come to a fork in the road, and you no longer see any benefit of having someone who has shown bad judgement like Jill has shown, in your life.
Assure him you'll be around whenever he just wants to get together for guy type things, but that is just how it is.
If he sticks with her, his life will be changing a whole lot, anyway, and he'll lose s lot of his freedom to go do spontaneous 'guy type' things.
If he sees the handwriting on the wall, you'll still be available as a friend.
Contrary to the opinion of others, I say you don't have to be "nice" to the lowdown people in your friend's life. You don't have to be anything to them but distant, absent, unavailable .
Maybe she'll grow up, now that she has a child and a marriage to work on.
Maybe I'll win the lottery tonight. Now jack is as SOL as he can be. She has him by the shorthairs now.
It doesn't say they're getting married, just that she's knocked up. He might not even be the father. OP, I'd keep them both at an arm's length. Do not lend them money, whatever you do.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
