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There's a term being used recently around the U.S. which is 'ghosted' meaning that someone stops talking to you suddenly and disappears from your life in terms of never really speaking to you again, often unexpectedly and without explanation. And will not answer emails, texts, or phone calls either.
The term really caught on recently when Charlize Theron who was in a relationship of longer than a year with actor Sean Penn & they were even engaged & planning marriage, but she suddenly stopped talking to him and disappeared from his life, supposedly very unexpectedly and without explanation.
Has this ever happened to you with a friend or another person in your life? Or have you done it to others?
I have sort of done it. That's more my style than a heart to heart. Here's why.
I try to be a nice person. Being the middle of five siblings, I was raised knowing that nothing was ever going to be MY way, right? So I'm pretty agreeable about movies we go to see, where we eat out at lunch, if someone's a few minutes late, whatever.
Don't think that I'm a pushover or a wallflower. I'm an extrovert. I'm just big on those sorts of manners, and I really am not picky about certain things.
Anyhoo....people like me, who are agreeable, can be pushed around sometimes or taken advantage of. Or friends may be rude beyond the norm. Sometimes I'll say something. Sometimes I won't because I realize there's a reason, and they're not normally that way.
Anyhoo again...If someone does that to me, does me dirty, is overly inconsiderate, does things that would make the normal person feel like sh_t, things I wouldn't do.....if a supposed "friend" gets into the habit of doing that several or more times....I'll drop her like a hot potato. I don't want to talk about it, have a deep discussion, or anything. Because she has shown her true colors, and she is the way she is, is my thinking. I'm not into changing adults. You're either a considerate person or you're not.
So I'll let it slide a certain number of times, and then that's it. No more communication....sort of. I will stop contacting them. I may not return a call if she calls once. But if she calls again, I MIGHT (might) pick up or return the call.
About Charlez Theron and people who do that sort of thing, the recipient well knows what he did. I read that Penn was running around on her, which is what he did during his marriage. He probably thought that Theron would put up with it like his wife did for years. But Theron just cut him off totally. Good for her. A leopard doesn't change his spots. Theron knows that, I guess. I'm guessing she had a discussion with him about that before they got involved, because of his reputation.
What Michael Douglas' wife did (what's her name..that pretty brunette actress?)...anyway, what she did was have it put in the prenup! If he screws around, she gets a lot of money in the divorce. That was because he'd had a sex issue in his prior marriage.
One friend I did cut off without explanation, really...she knew why. And she never called me again, either. What she did: I had met her and some friends of her for drinks after work. This was year ago when I was younger and cuter. I was also thin, since I was going thru a divorce. The friends that I met were openly rude to me. They were older and one made a comment about my appearance and youth (it was a snide remark about me being too cute and young). Very rude. (Mind you, I'm an extrovert and generally a likeable person. I like most people I meet.) I still didn't catch on that they were doing the "I'm an older woman and am going to be mean to the younger, more attractive woman" thing. After we left, I saw one of 'em in her car as we were going down the highway. I smiled & waved. She looked, didn't wave back, and sped off. Confirmed. I was being given the cold shoulder.
When it came time for New Year's, I was supposed to go out with my friend. My friend called me at work mid-afternoon ON New Year's Eve to cancel, and gave some lame excuse. I didn't say anything. So she fessed up and said she was going to see one of those friends in the hospital. Then I knew: she was going to go out with those friends, and they didn't want me along. So my friend made her choice. I still didn't say anything, so she adds, "Okay, well, you know how I am. I just feel like being a hermit tonight." I told her she should've told me before because there was no way I could try to find someone else to go with at that late hour. THEN she says she's sorry, but she'll still see me the next weekend to go to the cat show (we were supposed to go to a big cat show downtown). I told her no, that I wouldn't be going to the cat show with her, since she's a hermit now and doesn't want to get out. I hung up. Never spoke to her again.
NoMoreSnowForMe, it doesn't matter if there was disharmony that gave clues or reasons, the point is that the person walks out of your life without SAYING a word. Disappears. Says nothing ever. No comments saying good-bye. DEAD silence.
Actually it does matter. The only people who can't figure out why someone would to this are very self absorbed.
Get real, do you really think someone whether they're famous or non-famous just one day decides to get up and walk out on a relationship without a reason?
Sean Penn has been known to be quite the hothead, maybe he got physical with her and she said got away from him. But you don't have a relationship, talk marriage, and than just take off without a reason.
No one just stops talking to someone without a reason. Sometimes it might be a misunderstanding that with some communication can be straightened out, but there is a reason someone will do this. So again it does matter.
The self absorbed often can't see this because they only think of things from their point of view.
Yes, this has been the outcome with everyone in my life that I have attempted to maintain a freindship with. After so many failures I do not try anymore.
Here is a fun 'ghosting' game. Look at the list of friends that you invited to your wedding, and you will almost always find at least one who you never saw or spoke with again after the reception. Some may not have even showed up at all, after saying how much they would love to come.
BOTH my wife and my daughter had their prospective maid(s) of honor, who had been their best friends for many years, go with them to look at their respective wedding dresses, and then utterly disappear from their lives without a trace. No calls, no letters, no responses to inquiries at all. There were no fights or disagreements, they were just gone.
Here is a fun 'ghosting' game. Look at the list of friends that you invited to your wedding, and you will almost always find at least one who you never saw or spoke with again after the reception. Some may not have even showed up at all, after saying how much they would love to come.
We had a small, informal wedding ten years ago. We're still friends with the people who attended.
I think the emergence, disappearance and possibly reappearance of friends are all part of a lifelong selection process. We are at the point where we have a small but intensely loyal group of friends. I can't see any of us "disappearing" short of death.
Years ago, my best friend moved to start a new, married life in another state, and he ghosted the majority of our friends but kept in contact with me. At first, I didn't realize he dropped contact with most of us. When one of our friends who he ghosted discovered he & I were still in contact (accidentally from me because I didn't realize they weren't keeping in contact), it hurt her a lot. I hated dealing with that situation. The explanation to me from the friend who ghosted her was that he felt his wife would feel jealous if he kept in contact. Eventually, he also ghosted me.
I have ghosted and ghost people for a number of reasons:
People who bring me down too often. This is usually when chronically depressed people choose to treat me like I'm their shrink or bartender.
People who don't ever like to do anything or monotonously do boring things.
Silent types who don't communicate enough. I get paranoid that they're judging me if I don't know what's on their mind.
People who give judgmental body language toward or about me--eye rolls, giving a judgmental look to someone else they're with when they see me, etc.
Whenever a local "friend" rarely includes me in their plans, I ghost them (more like avoid them and think of them like a distant acquaintance).
Whenever people too seriously express more than friendly feelings toward me, I ghost them (avoid them) because I'm phobic of being seriously thought of sexually (don't mind the insincere flirtations), and I prefer not to tell people I know offline that I'm asexual. It's much easier to avoid people than to deal with rejecting them without an explanation, and I don't like to make up dishonest excuses (anymore).
An ex also ghosted me (I used to date platonically) after the night she tried to persuade me to make our relationship sexual. I missed her a lot because we spent a lot of time together up until then, but I understood her reaction of ghosting (avoiding) me and respected her decision. She wanted a normal boyfriend, not just a friend.
When people I like ghost me, I feel hurt, but I understand they have a reason for ghosting me, and I just deal with it without issue.
I can't think of a time I was ghosted for no obvious or apparent reason. There have always been at least good clues thus far.
It's happened to me since elementary school. It stung when I was younger, but certain events in my life helped me understand that you can't please everyone.
There's a term being used recently around the U.S. which is 'ghosted' meaning that someone stops talking to you suddenly and disappears from your life in terms of never really speaking to you again, often unexpectedly and without explanation. And will not answer emails, texts, or phone calls either.
The term really caught on recently when Charlize Theron who was in a relationship of longer than a year with actor Sean Penn & they were even engaged & planning marriage, but she suddenly stopped talking to him and disappeared from his life, supposedly very unexpectedly and without explanation.
Has this ever happened to you with a friend or another person in your life? Or have you done it to others?
I just cut off a 15-year relationship with my former best friend. I can't be around her drunk ass anymore.
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