Not sure how to feel about this situation (person, girls)
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I am in my late 40s and my friends are either late 40s, early 50s. We all met through church and recovery. I have 3 close friends and they are good, healthy friends. Meaning they hold one another accountable, they will step in if someone is not doing something healthy, and they basically love on each other.
I have other friends, as do they, who we respectively hang out with at other times. One of the ladies I hang out with has been at odds with one of my close friends, from time to time, but I thought it was all good at the moment. So, when I set up a coffee date in my home for this weekend, I invited my close friends and then this extra lady. At first, I thought that I was not going to invite her, just because she's not really part of our little clique. But then I felt bad because I felt like I was excluding her and what if she found out.
So, I told my friends that I invited her and it seemed fine and that was that. But, next thing I know, one of my close friends is saying, I won't be attending, because my time is precious and I don't choose to spend it with certain people. Welllll, apparently things are not all good with these two!
If I had known that, I definitely would not have invited the other lady. But as it stands right now, I'm slightly perturbed with my close friend, and just want to say get over yourself. I don't know what went on between them. Obviously feelings were hurt and perhaps deeply. It just seems strange to me. Most people, I would think, would not be thrilled that their adversary was attending, but they'd still come, and maybe just try to avoid them or something. Or they'd make nice, even if it was fake. Not that that's healthy, but come on, isn't that just what we women do! It just seems so foreign to me to see someone taking such a stand and almost seems a bit high and mighty to me. I mean really? My time is precious and I won't allow any darkness into my inner aura? That's just what it sounds like to me. Ugh.
Actually, I think your friend has the right to not want to be around the other woman, and if she knows she'll have a bad time, then it makes sense for her to not come. She didn't have to say it the way she did, which seemed a tad snotty - my time is precious - but honestly, now that I am older and more assertive, I could see myself doing what she did. Asking her to come and have a bad time really isn't fair.
But, you have every right to invite anyone you want to your own party. If someone chooses not to come, that's on them. I think it would have been a worse decision to not invite someone you want to come, based on the woman with the precious time.
You can still have lunch with the woman with the precious time, etc. But, I wouldn't let her dictate who comes to my parties.
Not everyone gets along and not everyone feels the need to "make nice" and they do have the option of not attending a function for any reason they want. I don't see how one could avoid the other at a small coffee "clique" gathering either and personally I probably would opt to wash my hair instead of attend.
First I am not in any clique, second my time is mine to spend it with people I can at the bare minimum be cordial with.
I think it is more then on to say no to an invite if someone you really don't like is going to be there. And even be a bit peeved if the host knew this issue and invited us both.
I've only had this issue once, but this woman was terrible to me and so I cut off all contact. I let my friends know to please not invite us to the same event, and I wouldn't be hurt if they didn't invite me because of this. One friend ignored that request. Luckily I got the heads up before arriving from a real friend. She knew being around that woman was really painful and difficult for me. It wasn't like "making nice" situation. This woman had done terrible things to me. But I was pissed that the host knew all this and ignored a simple request.
I think it is more then on to say no to an invite if someone you really don't like is going to be there. And even be a bit peeved if the host knew this issue and invited us both.
I've only had this issue once, but this woman was terrible to me and so I cut off all contact. I let my friends know to please not invite us to the same event, and I wouldn't be hurt if they didn't invite me because of this. One friend ignored that request. Luckily I got the heads up before arriving from a real friend. She knew being around that woman was really painful and difficult for me. It wasn't like "making nice" situation. This woman had done terrible things to me. But I was pissed that the host knew all this and ignored a simple request.
I did not know they were not on good terms. I thought they had made up. If I had known, I definitely would not have invited the extra lady.
They have social clubs attached, music, pool tournaments.
There's more than one trollop in these pubs. Those girls are Barflys.
What I'm saying is, they're no more bother than a fly either, even though they are Real Trouble being drunk and aggressive and trying to hunt some guy down who's talking to you.
You just swat them away.
Your friend could try that - remind her - a bigger person would just deal. You have to put up with people you don't like all the time at every work place, Family get together, Church, anywhere at all people gather.
I did not know they were not on good terms. I thought they had made up. If I had known, I definitely would not have invited the extra lady.
Sorry I didn't mean to say you did. I was just blabbing on about something that happened in a similar situation. It would have been helpful if your friend let you know ahead of making plans. But I don't fault her for not wanting to be around someone she really doesn't like. Esp in a small gathering.
They'd probably find they like each other if they get over themselves and put YOU first, as their friend.
You would run out of friends fast that way. even the ones who like eachother would learn not to trust you and resent you for putting them in awkward situations.
And why must they put YOU first!? What about being a gracious host? And a thoughtful friend?
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