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I'm not holding anyone responsible for what anyone said. The facts are, Yes they did call/text. No, they did not step foot in my house or send anything the entire time.
My co-workers sent me flowers and food. Two of my other employee friends brought food over, no questions asked, and I has happy about that.
So I don't see why I would have to say anything specific to trigger them to want to visit. My other friend had not even had surgery yet when they called me (the day before her surgery) about visiting her after she got home from recovery. So I doubt it was any special request on her part.
I'm not holding anyone responsible for what anyone said. The facts are, Yes they did call/text. No, they did not step foot in my house or send anything the entire time.
My co-workers sent me flowers and food. Two of my other employee friends brought food over, no questions asked, and I has happy about that.
So I don't see why I would have to say anything specific to trigger them to want to visit. My other friend had not even had surgery yet when they called me (the day before her surgery) about visiting her after she got home from recovery. So I doubt it was any special request on her part.
Is it typical of this particular group of friends to treat you as if you're not as important as others in the group?
I would look back at those text messages to be sure they didn't offer to help or stop by. If they didn't, I still think you should speak with each one individually to let them know how you feel. Otherwise, you will keep it bottled in and resentment will grow while they won't realize that they've done something hurtful.
These are not friends dear one, they're just hang out buddies when times are good and it suits them. Shame on them. They lack even basic human kindness. Go find a better class of people to be with. They're rectums.
I had this happen a couple years ago. I had pretty major surgery that included a hospital stay, and no one from my church even volunteered to make meals for us or came by to visit me during my 6 week recovery. A lot of people knew I was having surgery, but no one came by to visit me, and no one made meals. I was a bit hurt by this, but certainly didn't say anything about it. Everyone knows my husband is the cook, so they probably assumed we'd be okay with me unable to do anything.
Later that same year my husband had major surgery and was basically bedridden during the recovery period. Once again, no one from my church volunteered to make meals - and this time around the cook in our family was down for the count.
And yet just a few weeks ago someone from church had a baby and I got all kinds of emails from people setting up a dinner schedule to take them meals for the first 3-4 weeks.
At the time I was pretty involved in my church, but I apparently did not have super-close relationships with anyone. I was saddened by the lack of outreach even by my women's bible study group that I was a part of the time of my surgery. My DH's boss and a couple coworkers did come by to see him about 2 weeks after his surgery, and brought lunch, which was awesome. I had a couple co-workers come visit me during my hospital stay. But no one from the neighborhood, and no one from church. The lack of response by 99% of those in our lives after our surgeries made me realize that my husband and I really do not have ANY close friends.
I do know it made me take a step back from my church involvement to the point where if I'm not on the schedule to volunteer that day, I don't go. It was disheartening and I've not been able to move past it.
It could be as simple as the time of the year--your surgery and recovery was in the summer when there tends to be busier schedules and this friend's is rigt before the holiday season when we're bombarded with reminders to take care of others. Not fair, but there you go.
You said you aren't the begging kind, but this friend may be. She might have discussed it with another friend beforehand, either expressly requesting everyone visit or being so nervous about it that the friend scheduled the visit right away. You may come off as stoic, as super woman, making your surgery not stand out,.
It's not fair, but sometimes knowing these things helps you to understand and forgive. In the future, don't act obtuse. If you want visitors, ask for them.
I had this happen a couple years ago. I had pretty major surgery that included a hospital stay, and no one from my church even volunteered to make meals for us or came by to visit me during my 6 week recovery. A lot of people knew I was having surgery, but no one came by to visit me, and no one made meals. I was a bit hurt by this, but certainly didn't say anything about it. Everyone knows my husband is the cook, so they probably assumed we'd be okay with me unable to do anything.
Later that same year my husband had major surgery and was basically bedridden during the recovery period. Once again, no one from my church volunteered to make meals - and this time around the cook in our family was down for the count.
And yet just a few weeks ago someone from church had a baby and I got all kinds of emails from people setting up a dinner schedule to take them meals for the first 3-4 weeks.
At the time I was pretty involved in my church, but I apparently did not have super-close relationships with anyone. I was saddened by the lack of outreach even by my women's bible study group that I was a part of the time of my surgery. My DH's boss and a couple coworkers did come by to see him about 2 weeks after his surgery, and brought lunch, which was awesome. I had a couple co-workers come visit me during my hospital stay. But no one from the neighborhood, and no one from church. The lack of response by 99% of those in our lives after our surgeries made me realize that my husband and I really do not have ANY close friends.
I do know it made me take a step back from my church involvement to the point where if I'm not on the schedule to volunteer that day, I don't go. It was disheartening and I've not been able to move past it.
I understand what your feeling as well. It makes you realize who is there for you at the most needed times in your life. I think surgery or any chronic health conditions, are examples of those times. I did have co-workers come by who I've only known for 2-3 years, yet my long term friends were not seen.
It could be as simple as the time of the year--your surgery and recovery was in the summer when there tends to be busier schedules and this friend's is rigt before the holiday season when we're bombarded with reminders to take care of others. Not fair, but there you go.
You said you aren't the begging kind, but this friend may be. She might have discussed it with another friend beforehand, either expressly requesting everyone visit or being so nervous about it that the friend scheduled the visit right away. You may come off as stoic, as super woman, making your surgery not stand out,.
It's not fair, but sometimes knowing these things helps you to understand and forgive. In the future, don't act obtuse. If you want visitors, ask for them.
Your wrong on so many levels with this. Time of year?? Two of the three friends are teachers and have summers off. I was home for >10 weeks, that's 70 days.
One person's surgery should not be deemed as more important than another's just based on how they express it.
The best way to find out who your real friends are is to get sick, or have your SO get really sick. Last year my husband fractured his skull and sustained a traumatic brain injury. It was touch and go for a while, and even after he got out of the hospital it was horribly difficult and stressful. Two friends dropped everything and were true lifelines. My alleged "best friend" whom I've know since age 6, was not one of them. I did make a new friend; one of my husband's former running partners jumped in, invited me for Thanksgiving, made sure I wasn't alone too much and much more. You never know.
Have you been there for them? Surely over 20 years, one of the three probably went through some type of illness or hardship. I'm not trying to be rude, just fair.
If you didn't give of your time when they needed you, then why should you expect more than what you gave?
If you've given and not received, dump them like hotcakes.
I was offended by my co-workers when they went to see another co-worker after her boob job, but didn't come to see me after my hysterectomy. That's when I quit being such a giving person at work. They really just went to see her new boobs in all honesty because they were catty biotches anyway. They thought I should have been back to work 3 days after I got out of the hospital....lol
I think surgery or any chronic health conditions, are examples of those times. I did have co-workers come by who I've only known for 2-3 years, yet my long term friends were not seen.
This may be way off-base, but I hear the same thing in your posts, and I am wondering if maybe you are too needy, and that's why your friends did not want to visit, but your employee friends did, because they haven't known you for as long.
I just got out of the hospital after having been there for 5 days and had several invasive tests done. I did not want anyone there because I did not feel well. The last thing I want when I am in pain is someone there to look at me. I damn sure don't want to have to entertain.
And why would they need to be there for a chronic health condition that by now, surely you know how to take care of yourself?
Also, let's be honest, you mention a simple pelvic laparoscopy, which is an outpatient procedure, so this is what clues me in a little further.
Like I said, I might be wrong. But it sounds like you want your hand held, and that is not wrong, but it's obvious those friends have either done it enough, or just aren't that nurturing.
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