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So your dislike but don't say anything about it ISN'T being "butt hurt" but this poster - which you called out in particular (albeit not in it's entirety; )) IS "butt hurt".
Got it.
I have to admit I get a bit of a kick out of discussing manners and respect with someone who uses the term "butt hurt" but gets in a bit of a thither over people addressing her in a way she feels doesn't appropriately consider her maturity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I don't like it, in fact I hate it, but I don't get "bent out of shape" nor do I say anything (except a store clerk several months ago, who managed to use the word "ma'am" to me like 15 times in a 3 minute transaction and I finally said "please stop with the Ma'am's already)
Normally I say nothing, but I DO give a "thanks for that" when a clerk calls me "miss". I also give a secret extra bonus tip if the server calls me Miss.
So your dislike but don't say anything about it ISN'T being "butt hurt" but this poster - which you called out in particular (albeit not in it's entirety; )) IS "butt hurt".
Got it.
I have to admit I get a bit of a kick out of discussing manners and respect with someone who uses the term "butt hurt" but gets in a bit of a thither over people addressing her in a way she feels doesn't appropriately consider her maturity.
Someone else used the phrase and I was playing off of it. I realize that humor is subjective, and clearly we don't share the same sense of humor. I'm good with that.
Carry on with your umbrage or whatever it is you want to call it. I read every one of your posts with a smile on my face.
Someone else used the phrase and I was playing off of it. I realize that humor is subjective, and clearly we don't share the same sense of humor. I'm good with that.
Carry on with your umbrage or whatever it is you want to call it. I read every one of your posts with a smile on my face.
Yeah...that other poster who used it? Was you.
Again. Your opinions are valid - as supported by a myriad of personal anecdotes and even dictionary definitions. Other people's opinions are silly and trivial and described in colorful ways, certainly not respected.
But I guess as long as you use ma'am and sir in your day to day life, you were raised right and even trivializing the opinions of others is just fine.
Again. Your opinions are valid - as supported by a myriad of personal anecdotes and even dictionary definitions. Other people's opinions are silly and trivial and described in colorful ways, certainly not respected.
But I guess as long as you use ma'am and sir in your day to day life, you were raised right and even trivializing the opinions of others is just fine.
LOL wow, mountain - meet molehill.
Or - dead horse - meet beater.
You sure can go on and on about inane stuff and make it extremely personal, not that it bothers me (I get a kick out of it, actually).
For the record - my opinions are MY OPINIONS. Other peoples - yours included - are OTHER OPINIONS. That's what this thread is all about - the opinions of people about the Ma'am word. You can try to twist it every which way and believe what you want, but the only facts I've presented are dictionary definitions - the rest I've clearly stated are personal anecdotes, cultural norms, and (ready for it?) - personal opinion. I have no issue with those designations by the way.
And my opinions - and yours - are "valid." They may ALL be silly, trivial, colorful, and you and I and everyone else can choose whether or not to respect them - but they're all "valid" because they're all, well, just opinions. Opinions can't NOT be "valid" - because they're just opinions. You know, similar to emotions - we're all entitled to our own emotions - what we do with them is what matters. You can't say a person's emotional feeling is or isn't valid - because it just is what it is. It's just as valid as anyone else's. It's what you do with it that makes the difference.
In my case, I try not to intentionally offend others with my designations and terms (sorry if I offended anyone by using the term "butt hurt" which I think is pretty funny and innocuous!). I also don't jump to the defense when people address me in terms that are clearly meant to be honorific, such as Ma'am (I might have a problem with Sir). I don't get OFFENDED when people call me Miss - but if it's a situation where we will be interacting on a regular basis, I tell fellow adults I prefer not to be called Miss - because I'm not a young, unmarried girl. Nor do I consider them to be subservient to me, which is often the connotation, as I've given personal anecdotes to illustrate. If they persist in calling me Miss - then I think they're missing the point of good manners and courtesy, which (in my opinion) is making the other person feel at ease. A red flag to me is anyone who insists on calling someone by a name or title that they've asked not to be called by. That's when something becomes offensive to me. Though I do think it's odd when someone calls me - a middle aged, pretty obviously married woman (ring on finger, often accompanied by husband) "miss."
But on the very front end, who would know? So you go by context and definitions. In context - the South, a military town, a school, interactions with law enforcement, the judicial system, a court, the military, that sort of thing - "Ma'am" is a customary term - it's certainly not used in any sort of negative manner and isn't meant to be anything but courteous. People really should know this. Usually the person using the term is erring on the side of caution - TRYING to be courteous. They are trying NOT to offend, which makes it even more ironic when a person "cringes" at or "loathes" the term.
But once again - disclaimer: THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION, WORTH EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE PAID FOR IT.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 01-07-2016 at 01:03 PM..
Why is it unwelcome if it's not found offensive in those areas? And there are many here saying they don't find it offensive, they just don't prefer it.
I do believe that it's unwelcome because so many women do perceive it as something meant only for older women or spinsters and they are offended by that aspect of it. Otherwise why care at all if it's no different in perceived meaning than Ms or Mrs or any other form of address?
It doesn't bother me, and I find it quaint in the South. I do not ever require it or prefer it, anywhere.
Some of the 3/4s of the US who do NOT use this term, find it offensive. Not all. I do not.
We, in the North, are less hierarchical, we don't use it here. In the South, when I am visiting, I use it. And I would never correct anyone who said it, at a restaurant or hotel. I realize it is normative in parts of the US.
I certainly would not flip out if someone addressed me as "ma'am". But in most of the US, people who do not use it, are NOT being rude - it just isn't our custom. These are regional and cultural differences that are not likely to change.
It's not rocket science - "when in Rome, do as the Romans do".
It doesn't bother me, and I find it quaint in the South. I do not ever require it or prefer it, anywhere.
Some of the 3/4s of the US who do NOT use this term, find it offensive. Not all. I do not.
We, in the North, are less hierarchical, we don't use it here. In the South, when I am visiting, I use it. And I would never correct anyone who said it, at a restaurant or hotel. I realize it is normative in parts of the US.
I certainly would not flip out if someone addressed me as "ma'am". But in most of the US, people who do not use it, are NOT being rude - it just isn't our custom. These are regional and cultural differences that are not likely to change.
It's not rocket science - "when in Rome, do as the Romans do".
We is me also, I'm from the midwest originally, so I get the cultural differences. What I don't understand is why a word that is used respectfully is ever 'unwelcome'. (I'm not even going into the aspect of not using it being rude, as that is a completely different topic.) On the flip side of the argument I know a lot of people get all upset over the use of 'you guys' when addressing a mixed group of men and women, which to me is just as silly since they don't literally mean 'guys'. People are just odd.
I have often heard women refer to another group of women as "you guys" and there is not a guy among them.=lazy communication skills.
I have always thought that the term ma'am was short reference to mammo Mom, or mother, or in reference to those with breasts. An adolescent female undeveloped would be a miss.
You sure can go on and on about inane stuff and make it extremely personal, not that it bothers me (I get a kick out of it, actually).
For the record - my opinions are MY OPINIONS. Other peoples - yours included - are OTHER OPINIONS. That's what this thread is all about - the opinions of people about the Ma'am word. You can try to twist it every which way and believe what you want, but the only facts I've presented are dictionary definitions - the rest I've clearly stated are personal anecdotes, cultural norms, and (ready for it?) - personal opinion. I have no issue with those designations by the way.
And my opinions - and yours - are "valid." They may ALL be silly, trivial, colorful, and you and I and everyone else can choose whether or not to respect them - but they're all "valid" because they're all, well, just opinions. Opinions can't NOT be "valid" - because they're just opinions. You know, similar to emotions - we're all entitled to our own emotions - what we do with them is what matters. You can't say a person's emotional feeling is or isn't valid - because it just is what it is. It's just as valid as anyone else's. It's what you do with it that makes the difference.
In my case, I try not to intentionally offend others with my designations and terms (sorry if I offended anyone by using the term "butt hurt" which I think is pretty funny and innocuous!). I also don't jump to the defense when people address me in terms that are clearly meant to be honorific, such as Ma'am (I might have a problem with Sir). I don't get OFFENDED when people call me Miss - but if it's a situation where we will be interacting on a regular basis, I tell fellow adults I prefer not to be called Miss - because I'm not a young, unmarried girl. Nor do I consider them to be subservient to me, which is often the connotation, as I've given personal anecdotes to illustrate. If they persist in calling me Miss - then I think they're missing the point of good manners and courtesy, which (in my opinion) is making the other person feel at ease. A red flag to me is anyone who insists on calling someone by a name or title that they've asked not to be called by. That's when something becomes offensive to me. Though I do think it's odd when someone calls me - a middle aged, pretty obviously married woman (ring on finger, often accompanied by husband) "miss."
But on the very front end, who would know? So you go by context and definitions. In context - the South, a military town, a school, interactions with law enforcement, the judicial system, a court, the military, that sort of thing - "Ma'am" is a customary term - it's certainly not used in any sort of negative manner and isn't meant to be anything but courteous. People really should know this. Usually the person using the term is erring on the side of caution - TRYING to be courteous. They are trying NOT to offend, which makes it even more ironic when a person "cringes" at or "loathes" the term.
But once again - disclaimer: THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION, WORTH EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE PAID FOR IT.
Fab. Now if you can give others the same respect for THEIR OPINIONS (which they are just as entitled to as you are, no matter how many lengthy paragraphs you write detailing why exactly you're right and they're just silly and wrong), we're good.
I have often heard women refer to another group of women as "you guys" and there is not a guy among them.=lazy communication skills.
I admit that somewhere along my travels through life as a child, I picked up the "you guys" thing (which is another regional phrase) and I use it interchangeably with "y'all" - gender plays no part in it whatsoever.
GUILTY!
Quote:
I have always thought that the term ma'am was short reference to mammo Mom, or mother, or in reference to those with breasts.
This is incorrect, though you get points for creativity!
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 01-09-2016 at 07:17 AM..
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I also give a secret extra bonus tip if the server calls me Miss
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