The much-despised "ma'am" word (female, male, person, senior)

[sandy7]

So the other day I ran into someone who'd newly arrived in California who was ranting about an occasion when he used the Ma'am word and was brusquely told off by a middle-aged woman. That reminded me, as someone who moved to Cali after 5+ years in the south, I had this nurse look daggers at me at the paediatrician's office when I addressed her using the dreaded M-word.

Now I understand from Google searches that it's considered an affront to a woman's age. Yeah, while I'm getting my toddler's shots done, the age of a random stranger is surely the uppermost concern on my mind

It's understandable that every place has its peculiar mores, but with a history of working in customer support in the southern states, it would be near-impossible for me to drop my Sirs and Maams. Heck, there was a colleague at work who addressed teenaged girls as Ma'am

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

Oh well, she probably would have been affronted if he called her Miss, too. Some people are just grumpy.

But, when you move to a different area and culture - and yes, the south is different than the west coast - you often will have to adapt a bit.

I'm a native Californian, and moved to TN for 5 years and was teased because I said "you guys," instead of "y'all," and for different ways I pronounced words, etc.

There's a new clerk at a local grocery store, and I am guessing he's from Texas by his accent and manner. I love Texans. And he likes to tease me by asking for my ID when I buy wine there. I'm very obviously over 21 and a senior with gray hair. It's up to me how I take it. I could get annoyed thinking he's making fun of me or patronizing me, or I can decide he's being friendly.

But, as far as "maam," there aren't a lot of other options if a person wants to be polite and you don't know a woman's name. If you call her "miss" and she's married, you've made a faux pas. You can't say "Excuse me, lady person..." What other option is there, really?

[eureka1]

I use "ma'am" all the time, and I'm female!

[BayAreaHillbilly]

To be perfectly proper, doesn't "ma'am" imply married (just like Miss implies unmarried)?

So, on this one, postmodernism actually offers a hedge against communicative hazards .... "Ms." or even something more generic is neutral.

[bentobox34]

Being native Californian and having never lived in the south, I never address people as "sir" or "ma'am" and I don't replace those terms with anything else (e.g. Ms. as mentioned above). If I don't know someone's name I simply don't call them anything. If I know I will be interacting with them in the future, I ask their name... seems like a simple system. Now that I'm thinking about it I'm not even sure what function "sir" or "ma'am" have in communication, other than ceremonial.

[NewbieHere]

I cringe when somebody call me ma'am at work. I never was addressed as ma'am in SV. Sorry I'm not cranky, it's just make me cringe when I hear the term.

[shooting4life]

It's a sign of respect.

Why some women get worked up about it is beyond me.

[NewbieHere]

Sign of respect for who, it's not common in California.

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

Originally Posted by bentobox34

Being native Californian and having never lived in the south, I never address people as "sir" or "ma'am" and I don't replace those terms with anything else (e.g. Ms. as mentioned above). If I don't know someone's name I simply don't call them anything. If I know I will be interacting with them in the future, I ask their name... seems like a simple system. Now that I'm thinking about it I'm not even sure what function "sir" or "ma'am" have in communication, other than ceremonial.

Picture a woman left her purse on a counter, and you are running after her to let her know you've got her purse. What do you yell? You don't know her name. You have to call her something.

Hey lady, sounds rude.

Hey Mizzzzzzz (Ms) doesn't work well as a word you need to yell.

Hey Miss? She's over 40. I guess that could work...

I guess you could just keep loudly yelling Excuse me! Excuse me!

[Bluesmama]

People have been calling me ma'am since I was at least in my early 20's, and I looked about 16 then (AND lived in California). And it's often YOUNG people who use that term - I have never heard a kid refer to a woman as 'Miss'.

People are just high-strung.