Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What if you guys were banging in the living room and she just unlocked the door and walked in.
I thought about that, actually that would have been the best thing, because I would not have had to say anything, that would have worked itself out. It just so happened I had my son that weekend, or we damn well could have been banging out in the living room.
Interesting situation. There has been a thread recently about if it is appropriate for people (not just relatives - could be friends or whomever) to drop in without warning. On that thread the response was much more mixed. "You mean I have to make an APPOINTMENT to visit my friends/family?" Oh, the horror!
Actually, what with cell phones and kids in the house, what's been happening now is kids will text each other and the visitor has properly made an announcement of their arrival - but done via text. So folks in the living room (no matter what they're doing) just see a strange kid walk in the front door and go to the back bedroom to visit with their kid.
Perhaps you could get some of those driveway alert systems that ding a bell when a car comes into the driveway? Then you'd have warning without having to reeducate the relatives. Or stage something that would embarrass them if they walked in so they'd make sure to call first forever after.
The only time I drop in is making my holiday rounds dropping off my Christmas Cookies to friends and family... if no one is home or they are on their way out... not problem.
As to family dropping in... I never mind if my nieces are in the area and drop by... all very sweet and helpful...
The only time I drop in is making my holiday rounds dropping off my Christmas Cookies to friends and family... if no one is home or they are on their way out... not problem.
As to family dropping in... I never mind if my nieces are in the area and drop by... all very sweet and helpful...
What if the friends and family are in the middle of *something* when you drop by? Or - it might not just be a good time for you to drop by - ? With so many people having cell phones these days, why don't you call before you stop at the house?
With the nieces - of course, they are sweet and helpful. They are your nieces, after all! But they could still call you first!
Dh and I are fortunate that we live in a gated community. The gate isn't terribly difficult to get through, but it does discourage people from just dropping by unannounced. That and the fact that we live out in the country - people aren't going to drive 1/2 hour or so to visit us unless they know we will be home. Our neighbors don't stop by unless they see us working in the yard and know that we are home for visitors.
Not sure if this is the right forum or not, but I thought I would ask about it. I'm a single dad in my late 30's, and my girlfriend of 2 years lives with me and my son. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters who live in the area. We are all close. Everyone gets along, my family likes the GF and she likes them.
This past Sunday morning, about 10am (slept in) me and the girlfriend were in the kitchen cooking breakfast and I hear the doorbell ring. I go to the door and it's my mom and one of my sisters who were in the area and wanted to borrow my truck (they bought something on craigslist and needed it to move it). My mom said she tried to call me but I didn't answer (I had my phone on mute apparently, it happens...) I had no problem with that, gave them my keys and they left. I was kind of surprised they just showed up unannounced, but they did make some effort anyway.
After breakfast, the GF mentions to me that she was kind of uncomfortable with them just showing up at random times (it's happened a few times since she moved in), mainly this time because she was still in her nightgown. There's been a couple times that she has just let herself in when we werent home (she does have a set of keys to my house, going back years) I said I would talk to her about it.
So the next day, I call my mom (in her 60's) and explain to her that, in the future I would appreciate it if she would give me a heads up when she's coming over. She said she did try to call but I didnt answer. I said I realized that, but still, I would have preferred it if she had actually spoke to me to actually GIVE me notice that she was coming over.
My mom got all defensive and was crying, saying family should not have to give notice, etc. Said she took offense to that, did not feel welcome, etc At that point, I got pissed. I told her I have NEVER showed up at their house without letting them know. NEVER. She counters with "well, you know you are always welcome". I replied, "and you are always welcome at my house, just be polite and give me a heads up".
Truthfully, I don't care what she does, but the GF obviously feels strongly about it, and I felt obligated to side with her because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable.
I think my mom is making a huge deal about it, she even made a point to talk to my sister about it, and then later SHE called me and was giving me crap and disparaging my GF for it.
I feel I was not at all out of line about this, and am sticking to my guns.
Anyone else run into this sort of ridiculous family drama? Is there some sort of unwritten expectation that it's ok for family to just show up whenever uninvited without letting you know?
Yes, it rude.
I would also ask your mother since you didn't answer, maybe you weren't home and she wouldn't have access to your truck. What if you and your girlfriend were out in the truck?
Set up some boundaries. They want to borrow the truck how about a couple of days notice? Than you set a time and you know when they're coming over.
I don't care if it's family or friends, everyone has a cell phone these days, you call first and check to see if it is OK, people can be sick, or your case not dressed yet, no reason not to give a heads up, it basic manners.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
2,492 posts, read 3,028,204 times
Reputation: 3911
I'm very weird about unannounced visitors. I actually have very few people to my house to begin with.. When someone just shows up it startles me and I always feel put on the spot. I'm not a neat freak or a hoarder but I have my house a certain way when expecting company. Hate for anyone to see it on some of its worst days.
One thing I learned is that social rules differ with other cultures. I was engaged to a guy from Mexico and we lived together for 5 years. The 24/7 open door policy made me nuts. It didn't matter if you had not seen a cousin or friend for a year, when they stopped by, just opened the door and came on in. There was also the added expectation that anyone's home was over night or weekly lodging until the person decided to go home. Some weekends I'd have guys sleeping on my sofa that lived less then 20 minutes away. Those parties that start Friday evening...well they don't officially end till morning shift Monday.
Btw I'm also one of those people that hate to talk on the phone. If you call me before texting me first, it makes my blood start to boil. Maybe not that dramatic but it puts me in a defensive zone for sure.
The only time I drop in is making my holiday rounds dropping off my Christmas Cookies to friends and family... if no one is home or they are on their way out... not problem.
As to family dropping in... I never mind if my nieces are in the area and drop by... all very sweet and helpful...
What's wrong with asking for a head's up?
You wouldn't feel that way if you're home sick and let's just say can't wander too far from the bathroom, you're in your bathrobe with your handing standing up and here our guests....LOL.
Again, it's basic manners to call first. It's not like people have to go to a payphone like they did years ago, no excuse not to send a text or call and just say "hey, I'm in the area OK to come over?".
I'm very weird about unannounced visitors. I actually have very few people to my house to begin with.. When someone just shows up it startles me and I always feel put on the spot. I'm not a neat freak or a hoarder but I have my house a certain way when expecting company. Hate for anyone to see it on some of its worst days.
One thing I learned is that social rules differ with other cultures. I was engaged to a guy from Mexico and we lived together for 5 years. The 24/7 open door policy made me nuts. It didn't matter if you had not seen a cousin or friend for a year, when they stopped by, just opened the door and came on in. There was also the added expectation that anyone's home was over night or weekly lodging until the person decided to go home. Some weekends I'd have guys sleeping on my sofa that lived less then 20 minutes away. Those parties that start Friday evening...well they don't officially end till morning shift Monday.
Btw I'm also one of those people that hate to talk on the phone. If you call me before texting me first, it makes my blood start to boil. Maybe not that dramatic but it puts me in a defensive zone for sure.
It's not weird to not want unexpected visitors. People can be in the middle of cleaning out their kitchen cabinets, their house could be disarray, they may be not feeling well.
No reason these days not to call/text first.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But they could still call you first!
