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Since you are male and she is married, it's a no go. You get them both or neither.
Actually, you can make it work if it is not "one on one". You need to DILUTE the effect of the boorish spouse by inviting enough other people/couples so that he has little effect.
Of course if you can wrangle a time when you know HE can't make and convince HER to come alone that's good too - better if you have some woman who's actually your girlfriend come along or some other woman or even guy to give you some "cover".
But let's be clear - you're not intending on anything happening between the two of you, right?
Fair enough Liberty, everyone is different in what they can make work or not though !! Sure there can be issues created, but there doesn't have to be. For many it just isn't easy especially if they have been burned in the past, or are distrustful of other men/women.
Every situation is unique to whomever is involved I am just saying.
I think its sad that one should be dictated to, to give up a friendship with a married person or a single person, just because the partner is unable to trust their husband/wife especially if their jealousy/distrustfulness is baseless.
The problem is not with the friendship... the problem is with the husband and wifes relationship for whatever reason and the lack of trust that there may be, especially with regards to Mordinsolus. Whether the husband distrusts him because of the way he acts towards his wife, or whether he just has a jealous nature maybe or as Mordinsolus said.. he was just not a nice guy...or maybe he was just a controlling husband... who knows !!
The thing we don't know here though in this situation is whether the husband would mind or not if they met up on occasion to "chew the fat" so to speak..... ! Until he or she asks, then nothing changes.
Interesting topic though... and seeing peoples thoughts on it.... !! Thanks Liberty
Trust issues aren't good in a marriage but I don't think that has any bearing on this post. Rather, the post is about a single man who thinks a married woman is awesome and wants to spend more time with her, without her husband around. As purehuman mentioned upthread, she's with someone, you can't pretend she isn't.
I don't like to make accusations, but right in the OP, he says he spends a lot of time with this married couple, yet he doesn't even like the husband. Why, as a single person, would you spend so much time with the couple when you don't like one of them? Why would you not seek out your own awesome woman to date instead of look for ways to spend time with the wife alone?
Your friend isn't as smart as he could be...doesn't everyone know you can google Grey Poupon Commercial and pull up the original clip within seconds?
That's not the dynamic at play here. Soon as he proves her wrong, the war escalates. For some reason, some women cannot let their husband be right about anything. Rather than admit it and move on, she will nurse that grudge until she has the opportunity to bring it up later as "that time you embarrassed me in front of ..."
I don't feel its right to make accusations either... re-reading Mordinsolus' post, it doesn't enlighten anyone on what his intentions are except he likes hanging out with them, but really just her..... Who knows what he is actually after.
Its too easy to over analyse what his intentions are, when he hasn't stated or answered questions on what his intentions are. I think this is all about trust.... if the wife is happy to catch-up with OP as a friend, and she is honourable, then what is the problem. The problem only happens if OP has other intentions surely, maybe he does.
I don't feel its right to make accusations either... re-reading Mordinsolus' post, it doesn't enlighten anyone on what his intentions are except he likes hanging out with them, but really just her..... Who knows what he is actually after.
Its too easy to over analyse what his intentions are, when he hasn't stated or answered questions on what his intentions are. I think this is all about trust.... if the wife is happy to catch-up with OP as a friend, and she is honourable, then what is the problem. The problem only happens if OP has other intentions surely, maybe he does.
Yes, we could use clarification. Even if it's innocent, and on the assumption that he was not friends with the wife prior to her meeting her husband, really how do you ask someone to hang out and not their spouse? That person going to want to know why. So are you honest and say you don't like their spouse, which will likely hurt their feelings, or do you then lie to them, which is hardly a good basis for friendship?
Yes, we could use clarification. Even if it's innocent, and on the assumption that he was not friends with the wife prior to her meeting her husband, really how do you ask someone to hang out and not their spouse? That person going to want to know why. So are you honest and say you don't like their spouse, which will likely hurt their feelings, or do you then lie to them, which is hardly a good basis for friendship?
Yes agree its difficult Liberty. Take for example if he really just wants to be friends..... and asks her if she would like to catch up for a cup of coffee one day or a wine after work.... I would expect then it would be up to her to say to her husband, hey love, OP asked me out for a cuppa or a drink after work, are you okay I go or would you prefer I don't..... see what happens from that !! If he says why can't I go too, then she can only say of course you can, or not go at all ......and then OP would get the message that it AINT happening !!
I don't think its up to OP to smooth any bumpy waters....but can see what you are meaning for sure, that hubby would wonder now why he isn't invited, which then leads to someone having to say to him, that he isn't liked..... or she could say, well you don't really get on that well, and I do..... eeek !!
Its all potentially flammable for sure !! Since I have not been in that situation, only been in the opposite where it works well if everyone understands what they are after from the different relationships...then it is difficult to know what is best for OP.
I don't feel its right to make accusations either... re-reading Mordinsolus' post, it doesn't enlighten anyone on what his intentions are except he likes hanging out with them, but really just her..... Who knows what he is actually after.
Its too easy to over analyse what his intentions are, when he hasn't stated or answered questions on what his intentions are. I think this is all about trust.... if the wife is happy to catch-up with OP as a friend, and she is honourable, then what is the problem. The problem only happens if OP has other intentions surely, maybe he does.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Yes, we could use clarification. Even if it's innocent, and on the assumption that he was not friends with the wife prior to her meeting her husband, really how do you ask someone to hang out and not their spouse? That person going to want to know why. So are you honest and say you don't like their spouse, which will likely hurt their feelings, or do you then lie to them, which is hardly a good basis for friendship?
I'm not sexually interested in the wife. I knew her first(met her through friends) and met the husband way later. It was like a fake out. "How do you like your new friend? Well guess what?! Here's a butthole to go with her!" I've never even told her that her husband is a ***** because I want to avoid causing problems.
I'm not saying this is the case here, necessarily, but there could be another side to this. It's possible that the husband could just be sick to death of his wife's friends, and perhaps even their marriage isn't so solid?
For example (not saying it's this case), maybe the majority of the wife's friends are from high school and the same town they grew up in and enjoy reliving the glory days well into their 30s and 40s. I can definitely see the husband sticking out like a sore thumb in that environment, and thus being perceived as distant and aloof.
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