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Are you married or with a SO M.S.? Are you a single male? Have you known the couple for a long time? I have 6 really close male friends with two of them being single and neither my husband nor their spouses would care if we did something alone without the other spouses, nor would I care if John did something alone with their spouses either. One of my besties wants me to get her husband out of the house. He's very sick with Leukemia and we both like to shoot guns so I said I would take him when he's feeling better. Shooting an assault rifle is on my bucket list and he has this Sig Sauer I especially want to shoot. One of my other besties husband left a voice mail for me to go to a haunted house with him and his friends. I would have been the only female as John did not want to go nor did his spouse. He said "I love you" at the end of the voice mail. Neither John nor his wife would have thought anything of it. We all genuinely love each other. There's nothing wrong with the opposite sex having friendships as long as there is mutual respect and genuine trust. Those friendships are gold to me and I would never do anything to jeopardize that trust or those incredible bonds. The fact that John trusts me with these friendships is an amazing gift and one that means more to me than being dishonest. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex as long as the intentions are innocent. These friendships did not get this way over night either. They have been many years to decades in the making. There are too many unanswered questions with the OP to say whether hanging out with a married woman is a good idea or a bad idea, but when these friendships exist they are an amazing gift.
I know this married couple and spend a lot of time with them, but I can't stand the husband. The wife is completely awesome and a blast to hang out with, but the husband is a ****ing clod. He brings the mood down, can't tell an interesting story or funny joke to save his life, and is just generally bitter and disagreeable.
Is there any way to just hang out with the wife without coming out and saying her husband is a bell end? Or is it too weird since she's married and I'm a guy?
I'm not sexually interested in the wife. I knew her first(met her through friends) and met the husband way later. It was like a fake out. "How do you like your new friend? Well guess what?! Here's a butthole to go with her!" I've never even told her that her husband is a ***** because I want to avoid causing problems.
Well as I have posted....if you knew her before, I don't understand what is the issue with catching up with her outside of the two of them. You can ask her too, there is nothing wrong with that.. But it needs to be up to her to say yes and deal with how her husband feels about that. He may have no issues at all. Especially since you knew her before. Its just crazy that someone would force another person to end a friendship based on their own insecurities. If he isn't happy about it, then it still is up to the wife to voice her feelings over that. If you are an important friend to her, she will stand her ground.... but fact is, he is her husband and if he is unhappy about it for whatever reason, then she may and probably will decline to catch up with you.
I wish you luck that everyone is adult and trustful enough so that you can enjoy each others company outside of a caretaker !!
Are you married or with a SO M.S.? Are you a single male? Have you known the couple for a long time? I have 6 really close male friends with two of them being single and neither my husband nor their spouses would care if we did something alone without the other spouses, nor would I care if John did something alone with their spouses either. One of my besties wants me to get her husband out of the house. He's very sick with Leukemia and we both like to shoot guns so I said I would take him when he's feeling better. Shooting an assault rifle is on my bucket list and he has this Sig Sauer I especially want to shoot. One of my other besties husband left a voice mail for me to go to a haunted house with him and his friends. I would have been the only female as John did not want to go nor did his spouse. He said "I love you" at the end of the voice mail. Neither John nor his wife would have thought anything of it. We all genuinely love each other. There's nothing wrong with the opposite sex having friendships as long as there is mutual respect and genuine trust. Those friendships are gold to me and I would never do anything to jeopardize that trust or those incredible bonds. The fact that John trusts me with these friendships is an amazing gift and one that means more to me than being dishonest. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex as long as the intentions are innocent. These friendships did not get this way over night either. They have been many years to decades in the making. There are too many unanswered questions with the OP to say whether hanging out with a married woman is a good idea or a bad idea, but when these friendships exist they are an amazing gift.
That's not the dynamic at play here. Soon as he proves her wrong, the war escalates. For some reason, some women cannot let their husband be right about anything. Rather than admit it and move on, she will nurse that grudge until she has the opportunity to bring it up later as "that time you embarrassed me in front of ..."
This is not just a woman thing...plenty of men cannot let others be right about anything also.
Hmm, but the video clip would have turned a 30 minute scene into a 2 minute discussion. I would have followed up that with a joke about how I like her version better, then riff on that for a bit to make her feel better about it.
Yes, but the wife could also learn the social grace of admitting that she might be wrong, or that she was wrong, or that it wasn't worth arguing about in the first place, or have sense of humor enough to laugh about mis-remembering it. Or even have sense of humor enough to make a joke about the argument. SHE Has lots of options.
HE has plenty of ammo for the 'that time you embarrassed me in front of...' as well.
I was stubborn once too, and had to be right. Over time I learned all of the above skills. My husband did not. He often made a big scene about me embarrassing him, drawing the attention of everyone around to the minor thing that no one else thought was embarrassing. He attempted to put the embarrassement on me, which mostly just made him look like a jerk. He still thinks it is a wife's place to support him unconditionally and never embarrass him by pointing out he is wrong in public. Not the other way around. I have no idea how his new wife deals with his lack of maturity. (she does agree with him more on many things, they are republicans and I am not!)
And I would never be with a guy who hasn't learned those skills either. Just not worth it to me if a guy can't laugh at his own mistakes and be gracious about the mistakes of others.
Well as I have posted....if you knew her before, I don't understand what is the issue with catching up with her outside of the two of them. You can ask her too, there is nothing wrong with that.. But it needs to be up to her to say yes and deal with how her husband feels about that. He may have no issues at all. Especially since you knew her before. Its just crazy that someone would force another person to end a friendship based on their own insecurities. If he isn't happy about it, then it still is up to the wife to voice her feelings over that. If you are an important friend to her, she will stand her ground.... but fact is, he is her husband and if he is unhappy about it for whatever reason, then she may and probably will decline to catch up with you.
I wish you luck that everyone is adult and trustful enough so that you can enjoy each others company outside of a caretaker !!
You keep putting it on the husband for being insecure and it's nowhere near that stage. I'd still really like to know how the OP would go about having a friendship with her, having such disdain for her husband. Does he tell her and risk the friendship, or does he lie to her? Would she even want to hang out with the OP alone, and how would she feel if she knew he secretly can't stand her husband?
He's just a dong in general. I guess he lost his dream job a few years ago and had to change careers, making him a bitter and irritable butthole.
Oh, that's sad. Well you just have to tolerate him the best you can and not make him any more upset than he already is. She is staying with him, there must be something good in him.
You keep putting it on the husband for being insecure and it's nowhere near that stage. I'd still really like to know how the OP would go about having a friendship with her, having such disdain for her husband. Does he tell her and risk the friendship, or does he lie to her? Would she even want to hang out with the OP alone, and how would she feel if she knew he secretly can't stand her husband?
That's only one possibly scenario.....as I said earlier, he may have no issues at all, who knows how he will feel. He may be pleased to have some time at home on his own for all we know or he may be totally peeved. Unless she actually asks him and finds out how he feels about the situation, it won't be known. But I agree as you say that since she doesn't know how OP feels about her husband...then it could all be moot anyway. She may not be interested in catching up with him at all knowing how he feels.
I know this married couple and spend a lot of time with them, but I can't stand the husband. The wife is completely awesome and a blast to hang out with, but the husband is a ****ing clod. He brings the mood down, can't tell an interesting story or funny joke to save his life, and is just generally bitter and disagreeable.
Is there any way to just hang out with the wife without coming out and saying her husband is a bell end? Or is it too weird since she's married and I'm a guy?
Just call and ask her to coffee. Explain it appears her husband isn't thrilled by you so it makes it very uncomfortable.
If she wants to go, then she'll accept your offer. There is no reason why you cannot be casual friends. She has the right to have friends without this rude interference from her husband
It's certainly doable, but you're going to have to find a way to communicate that you only want to hang out with her, and then let her figure that out with her husband. I have a guy friend that I hang out with one night per week, without my husband. We always go to the same local [public] bar/restaurant for dinner/drinks/entertainment. My husband is free to join us if he wants to, but he's not interested. He trusts me and I would stop going if I thought he had a problem with it. So if you can figure out the logistics, such that it works for all 3 of you, it's certainly doable.
Wow this sounds like a date. And you imbibe together?
Back to the OP. I would suggest you, the op, meet in public places at all times. Something like exercising on trails or having a coffee. Maybe join the same club so you can spend time together. Volunteer together. Don't go out on a "date" of course or anything that mimicks such.
Last edited by OutdoorsyGal; 11-15-2015 at 05:16 PM..
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or he may be totally peeved. Unless she actually asks him and finds out how he feels about the situation, it won't be known. But I agree as you say that since she doesn't know how OP feels about her husband...then it could all be moot anyway. She may not be interested in catching up with him at all knowing how he feels.
