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I would definitely go on this trip. If you give in and let spouse go, or cancel the trip, you are setting a precedent that spouse is in charge. Stick to your guns. Be sweet about it, shower them with souvenirs when you return, but don't give in. You don't want to start your marriage with spouse dictating everything.
btw, Mr Book Lover and I go on separate vacations and it's fine. He doesn't want to go to CA to visit my family. That's fine, I go just me and the boys. I'm not interested in going on a trip with his cousins so he goes without me. It's all about being secure without them and not being attached at the hip.
You are missing the point. The spouse wants to go.
I see it as perfectly normal that two siblings would travel with one of their parents. To me, it's a special trip to be able to take, especially for the parent's milestone birthday.
OP, I quickly skimmed through your post so I didn't get all the details. However, I completely agree with the part above.
Personally, I would have not problem with my husband taking a trip with his brother and mother - especially, for a special occasion such as a milestone birthday.
I also know that my husband would not have an issue with me, my sister and one or even both of our parents taking a trip.
Now, if one sibling's spouse is invited, than all of them should be but that doesn't appear to be your situation.
OP, I quickly skimmed through your post so I didn't get all the details. However, I completely agree with the part above.
With all the gender obfuscation in the original post, making it exceedingly difficult to read and digest, many people may have missed the fact that the OP's spouse had serious misgivings about the amount of time the OP spent with birth family before the two married. They had fights about it.
Now, just a few months after the wedding, the OP is taking off on a trip with birth family...seemingly oblivious to the fact that 1) the first priority should be with the family just created by the marriage and 2) leaving new spouse behind.
No wonder new spouse is hurt and angry.
To give an example with genders intact...
Maxfield Parrish, the renowned painter and illustrator, married Lydia Austen on June 1, 1895. He immediately departed for Europe, alone, to do the "Grand Tour." History doesn't tell us what Lydia thought about that but one wonders, given their subsequent estrangement and long years of living apart.
You are missing the point. The spouse wants to go.
I wonder if there's some way to compromise so that the spouse doesn't feel left out. Like, OP, parent, and sibling go on part of the road trip together, then spouse(s) fly out to meet up with them at some point and they all end the trip together?
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 11-17-2015 at 09:49 AM..
That's what I was wondering--is the kind of trip that s/he's always wanted to take, and now you're going without them? Or do they not like the idea of you going anywhere without them?
You're being vague about gender, so we can't tell if you'd be traveling with sibling and parent of the same gender, and could frame this as a family "girls'/boys' trip" or if it's more complex than that. I've gone on several trips with my sisters and my mother, and my father, brothers, and BILs weren't invited (nor did they really want to be.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SalemPhotos
This actually is a trip that my spouse has always wanted to take, which certainly complicates things. We've talked about our taking this same trip sometime as just the two of us. That's not making much difference, though, in terms of the trip I'm wanting to take w/ my sibling & parent.
My sole reasoning behind the vagueness was that I thought that'd be the best way to get unbiased responses. I'm asking in complete seriousness and I'm not baiting you at all by asking this: do you think your answer to the question(s) might have changed if I'd included our genders?
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
Not weird.
Your spouse needs to take a chill pill.
I certainly believe that it is perfectly fine for adults to take a vacation with parents and/or siblings and leave the spouse home. in fact my husband and I have done that numerous times through out our marriage.
However it does seem rather insensitive for the OP to plan a trip to the exact place where her new husband wants to visit and leave him at home.
I can almost picture the OP saying to her new spouse "Na Na Na Na Na Na, I get to go to NYC and you get to stay home all by yourself!" Now that is downright cruel.
Yeah but this isn't a new relationship for them, I assume. And they are older with their own families. I'm sure it worked for them. This op is in a new marriage, guessing first. Seems young. And it's a trip hubby wants to do very much.
You assume incorrectly. My stepsister had just gotten married the previous summer, so less than one year. The trip was a month, too.
I agree with other posters, the spouse and OP can plan a separate trip. Odds are, there will be more time left with spouse than their parent. This may be a once-in-a-lifetime trip. The spouse sounds a bit selfish and controlling. Sometimes you can't include everyone, every time, for every trip. Spouse needs to get over it and gain some maturity.
Once again- caveat being we have been given all pertinent info (minus sexes of all).
I certainly believe that it is perfectly fine for adults to take a vacation with parents and/or siblings and leave the spouse home. in fact my husband and I have done that numerous times through out our marriage.
However it does seem rather insensitive for the OP to plan a trip to the exact place where her new husband wants to visit and leave him at home.
I can almost picture the OP saying to her new spouse "Na Na Na Na Na Na, I get to go to NYC and you get to stay home all by yourself!" Now that is downright cruel.
It is, and there are some insensitive people here.
The OP's spouse "has always" wanted to go wherever this is. It's not like this is just somewhere that the OP's spouse couldn't give a crap about.
I have always wanted to go to London. I can imagine if my husband was going to London with his family and told me I couldn't go???? He would not like the consequences of that, and we have been married for years.
Why would the OP compromise? The spouse has always wanted to go - take them.
I've tried to put myself in my spouse's shoes.....spouse has two siblings and spouse's parents are still married.....if spouse, one of spouse's siblings, and one of spouse's parents wanted to take a trip somewhere as just the 3 of them, I'd be all for them doing that. On the other hand, if spouse, both of spouse's siblings, and both parents traveled somewhere together and I was left out, I'd probably be hurt a little too.
So in the same situation, spouse traveling with family, you would be hurt, but... I guess you just don't care about how your new spouse feels? Its all about what you want.
Since your spouse really wants to go, he/she should be able to go. Your spouse is now apart of your family as well. Don't you want him/her to feel included? Maybe it'll be a good bonding experience and he/she will become closer to your family, and you to will not right about them as much.
It is, and there are some insensitive people here.
The OP's spouse "has always" wanted to go wherever this is. It's not like this is just somewhere that the OP's spouse couldn't give a crap about.
I have always wanted to go to London. I can imagine if my husband was going to London with his family and told me I couldn't go???? He would not like the consequences of that, and we have been married for years.
Why would the OP compromise? The spouse has always wanted to go - take them.
Why? Simply because the spouse is having a tantrum? If I had been planning a trip with my Mother and Brother before marriage that trip would still be with my Mother and Brother after marriage.
The happy couple can start planning a trip together after she gets back.
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