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First he says his new wife is hurt and offended being deliberately excluded. This was a concern of his
Now he's morphed right before our eyes into not caring at all. Even turning it into a self entitlement
I would never let my parent treat my spouse this way. I couldn't even go on a vacation knowing he was hurt by my own mother.
Little lone reward this cruel parent by going on vacation with them!
Boy did this lady get a flake of a husband.
He can change his stance on a dime not giving a rats behind about her
Just to be clear, my latest quote was not the OP, just a "helpful" contributor.
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You got married a month ago and you're already planning a cross country trip without your spouse? That's just cold! It's one thing if you've been married for 10 years, but a month and you're already planning to go away? Unless it's work related, that's just odd. Of course, your spouse is jealous! Have you put yourself in his/her shoes?
Nobody's mistreated his wife. I don't understand the negativity towards the OP from some posters. The trip is specifically for the parent's MILESTONE birthday, something she discussed doing with her two grown children long ago. It's not putting anyone before anyone; the timing of the birthday happened to coincide close to the time of the wedding. I truly don't get what's so "hurtful" or "cold" about this. Newsflash: Mom won't be around forever. Apparently Wife is unhappy and insecure about the amount of time he spends with his family, but, uh...apparently she understood all of this prior to marriage. His mom and sister have always been a big part of his life, his wife has always been unhappy with just how much. This is something that should have come up prior to marriage but too late now.
Communication seems to be a huge issue if this has snowballed to this point. I can honestly say, I wouldn't think twice if my spouse/SO wanted to take a family trip with his folks, heck I love my alone time. I'd probably make special plans with my loved ones during that time, even! Maybe it's just different strokes but my family (parents/siblings) is tightknit as well and if my spouse were as demeaning ("weird!") and controlling about something this minor (a trip? with mom and sis? REALLY?) in the scheme of things, I'd likely be requesting marriage counseling..
Communication seems to be a huge issue if this has snowballed to this point. I can honestly say, I wouldn't think twice if my spouse/SO wanted to take a family trip with his folks, heck I love my alone time. I'd probably make special plans with my loved ones during that time, even! Maybe it's just different strokes but my family (parents/siblings) is tightknit as well and if my spouse were as demeaning ("weird!") and controlling about something this minor (a trip? with mom and sis? REALLY?) in the scheme of things, I'd likely be requesting marriage counseling..
That's kinda the thing. How would I feel if my family took a trip without me? Like I'm not family.
Maybe it's a personal thing, my family is my family. Family stuff was everyone in the family. Heck, I was only family by marriage, but I was always family. Double heck, DH passed away and I'm still included in family events.
OP hasn't addressed questions: why the counseling because of his family, will this reduce vacation time he can spend with wife, WHY our spouses not included, did they even have a honeymoon?
Not enough info. People usually ignore questions when they don't feel comfortable answering them.
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I get ignored and blown off by my in-laws constantly. Have the entire time I've been married and we've been married for 19 years. I can't tell you how old it has gotten. My youngest sister-in-law just got married. Her entire family was in the wedding party - including in-laws and friends - except for me. She wouldn't speak to me about the wedding. I know why now! Even her new sisters-in-law were in the wedding party. She's know them for less than a year. I've known her for over 20 years. She was a little girl when I started dating her brother. She was a bridesmaid in our wedding. And this is how I'm treated after all these years. I was hated before we got married. It's only gotten worse over the years.....not better. I stole their brother....ummm if you think so since I was dating someone else when he started to pursue me. He also asked me to get married not the other way around......but hey whatever makes you happy in fantasy land.
Sounds like the wife is jealous of any amount of time you spend with your family and takes as time not being spent with her. This is a very insecure/needy person and it is only going to get worse with time if the two of you don't get it under control now. I say go on the trip, it has been in the works since BEFORE you got engaged and your mom is only going to have this milestone birthday once. It's only for a few days, your wife can't handle that?
That's kinda the thing. How would I feel if my family took a trip without me? Like I'm not family.
That is what I'm having issues with. A lot of posters keep saying "But its a family trip..." as if his wife is not family. I'm not even married to my SO, but he is still a part of my family. I would never dream of going on a "family only" vacation without him. And my family would never let such a thing happen.
I figured the OP was male and was going on vacation with a sister and mother. He is obviously very close to these two women, so why wouldn't he want his wife to be close to them as well? A cross country vacation would be the perfect opportunity for everyone to bond and feel more like a family. This could help solve some of the issues his wife is having with his family. She might not feel included, and feels like an outsider. Being excluded from a "family only" vacation would make her feel even more excluded.
Your spouse needs to stop being such a baby. Quality time with siblings and parents is a good thing and if the spouses are there then that changes the dynamic of the whole experience. Spouse defenitely has security and self worth issues. It the OP never took vacations with their spouse or never spent any quality time with them then maybe I could see this one event being an issue, but otherwise no.
Maybe he/she can even take some time for themselves while the other is out of town. It's nice to have the house to yourself once in a while.
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