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So I've been friends with this person for around 14 years. She has been coming to me for relationship advice for years, and the last couple weeks are no exception. Her and her boyfriend had been together nearly a year and he works in New York and she lives in Northern California. She has been having difficulties in dealing with the lond distance relationship. We primarily communicate via phone calls and text messages. I've always been there to give her advice and to talk her out of her depression due to the complications of the type of relationship she is in. On several occasions she nearly broke up with her boyfriend and she would call me and ask for advice, seeing as I was the only person she trusted with to give advice. I've spent countless amounts of time talking about her and her relationship and problems.
Today I thought I'd ask her opinion on a relationship matter that I have been having, and her response to this was to talk to God. I thought that was such a crappy response. Especially given as I have spent so much of my time and energy giving her advice and all she tells me is to turn to God for guidance. I am not a religious person and neither is she. I just expected her to try a little harder, to put into a little effort like I have put in to her issues.
OK, so I've shared my story of the shed friendship of 2015. What's yours?
None for this year, but your experience reminds me of someone I had thought was a good friend. Over several years, we regularly met for lunch, during which she generally poured her heart out to me about the latest chapter in her troubled relationship with her mom. I would sympathize with her and give advice, feeling like we were really good friends for her to be able to open up like that. I would sometimes share my own difficult relationship with my mom, but not a lot, just an anecdote here and there to show her I could empathize.
After we had been friends for a couple of years, my mom died. A week after the funeral, I was still feeling kind of raw and unsettled. My friend and I had lunch plans, and I kept the date, because I felt I could use a little emotional support. She knew that my mom had just died, and I thought I could lean on her a bit because we had shared so many deep conversations about her situation with her mom.
When we met up, instead of letting her start the conversation, as usually happened, I began by saying, "I really need to talk a little about my mom today." This woman immediately got this closed-off expression on her face and said, "I think we've talked enough about our moms and we need to move on. Let's talk about something else." And then she went on to talk about her crafting lessons she was taking. I was so hurt and angry that she just brushed off my very real need to talk about my mom.
The next time we met up for lunch, she started in on a long tirade about how she was uncomfortable with the behavior of one of her sisters-in-law. I listened to the whole thing and then said, "Yeah, families, what are you gonna do?" and then changed the subject to something totally trivial about me. She was visibly shocked that I didn't listen attentively and then give her my counsel, because that's what I had always done in the past. After that, she drifted out of my life. I wasn't upset to see her go.
Selfish people, they take and take and never think to give back.
So I've been friends with this person for around 14 years. She has been coming to me for relationship advice for years, and the last couple weeks are no exception. Her and her boyfriend had been together nearly a year and he works in New York and she lives in Northern California. She has been having difficulties in dealing with the lond distance relationship. We primarily communicate via phone calls and text messages. I've always been there to give her advice and to talk her out of her depression due to the complications of the type of relationship she is in. On several occasions she nearly broke up with her boyfriend and she would call me and ask for advice, seeing as I was the only person she trusted with to give advice. I've spent countless amounts of time talking about her and her relationship and problems.
Today I thought I'd ask her opinion on a relationship matter that I have been having, and her response to this was to talk to God. I thought that was such a crappy response. Especially given as I have spent so much of my time and energy giving her advice and all she tells me is to turn to God for guidance. I am not a religious person and neither is she. I just expected her to try a little harder, to put into a little effort like I have put in to her issues.
OK, so I've shared my story of the shed friendship of 2015. What's yours?
Definitely stop being available when she calls you about her relationship...Not sure though that I would trash the whole relationship, 14 years is a long time. Only you know if it has always been so one-sided.
None for this year, but your experience reminds me of someone I had thought was a good friend. Over several years, we regularly met for lunch, during which she generally poured her heart out to me about the latest chapter in her troubled relationship with her mom. I would sympathize with her and give advice, feeling like we were really good friends for her to be able to open up like that. I would sometimes share my own difficult relationship with my mom, but not a lot, just an anecdote here and there to show her I could empathize.
After we had been friends for a couple of years, my mom died. A week after the funeral, I was still feeling kind of raw and unsettled. My friend and I had lunch plans, and I kept the date, because I felt I could use a little emotional support. She knew that my mom had just died, and I thought I could lean on her a bit because we had shared so many deep conversations about her situation with her mom.
When we met up, instead of letting her start the conversation, as usually happened, I began by saying, "I really need to talk a little about my mom today." This woman immediately got this closed-off expression on her face and said, "I think we've talked enough about our moms and we need to move on. Let's talk about something else." And then she went on to talk about her crafting lessons she was taking. I was so hurt and angry that she just brushed off my very real need to talk about my mom.
The next time we met up for lunch, she started in on a long tirade about how she was uncomfortable with the behavior of one of her sisters-in-law. I listened to the whole thing and then said, "Yeah, families, what are you gonna do?" and then changed the subject to something totally trivial about me. She was visibly shocked that I didn't listen attentively and then give her my counsel, because that's what I had always done in the past. After that, she drifted out of my life. I wasn't upset to see her go.
Selfish people, they take and take and never think to give back.
Oh boy. That is too bad. You listen and listen to someone pouring their heart out and devote so much time into hearing their problems, and all they do is take and take. Then it comes the time you need to talk and they are no where to be found.
Definitely stop being available when she calls you about her relationship...Not sure though that I would trash the whole relationship, 14 years is a long time. Only you know if it has always been so one-sided.
It hasn't always been one-sided. It's just that for the past few months, all I've heard from her is about how her relationship is going, and the problems she is facing. It was this one time I came to her for advice and the reception I got from her blew my mind. I'll probably stay friends with her, but I probably won't offer advice anylonger.
It hasn't always been one-sided. It's just that for the past few months, all I've heard from her is about how her relationship is going, and the problems she is facing. It was this one time I came to her for advice and the reception I got from her blew my mind. I'll probably stay friends with her, but I probably won't offer advice anylonger.
Don't have one to tell you BUT I would throw it back on her when she starts in asking for advice. Like... gee, I don't know.. you really need to make the decision for yourself. Or... change the subject... People like this are tedious and it gets old.
Don't have one to tell you BUT I would throw it back on her when she starts in asking for advice. Like... gee, I don't know.. you really need to make the decision for yourself. Or... change the subject... People like this are tedious and it gets old.
Yes! And she started to sound like a broken record. The way she would constantly ask "what should I do? Should I blah blah blah, or blah blah blah?" And me, being as we were friends for 14 years, just let her drone on and offer her pieces of advice here and there.
Next time she asks for advice just tell her to "talk to God" and change the subject.
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