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In a recent interaction with my mom, I was finally able to put my finger on and label on one of her behaviors that's bugged me for a while. Now that I've come up with the idea, I'm noticing it in more people in my work and personal life.
We all know people who are always negative, and yes, that's a problem.
We all know people who are always contrary, who always have to disagree, and that's also a problem.
We all might also know people who seem to always be positive, and sometimes if it seems inauthentic or naïve it can also be a problem.
But this is what the Positive Contrarian does:
You go into a meeting and get hit by how hot the room is, and say, "wow, this room's hot!"
Another co-worker says, yeah, it's pretty uncomfortable and fans himself.
Another co-worker says maybe we should tell Facilities to turn up the air.
Another co-workers jokes about excusing her if she passes out from the heat during the meeting.
The Positive Contrarian says "Oh, I think it feels good in here! I like it warm!"
You're out to dinner with several family members. Most of you choose the soup of the day.
You say "Hmm, it doesn't taste so good..."
One family members says, "yeah, I hope the lobster's not bad."
Another family members says "I can't finish it, it's not like it was the last time."
The Positive Contrarian raises her eyebrows and says "Well, mine tastes good."
You and a few neighbors are talking about how that one neighbor down the street leaves his garbage out two days before trash day, and his trash blows all over.
You say the guy's yard is a mess and that he was pretty rude when you politely talked to him about it.
Another neighbor says, yes, he was rude to her another time as well, and doesn't his yard look like Sanford & Son.
Another neighbor points out that he can't even remember a time the guy with the trash was ever nice.
The Positive Contrarian jumps in and says "the trash doesn't bother me at all, and I like his lawn ornaments!"
You are talking with people who all had to fill out the same annoying form yesterday.
You say, "Boy, wasn't that thing tedious? Why do they have to ask all those questions?"
Another friend says "I know! It took me hours to complete and I needed wine and an aspirin afterward!"
Another friend says "All those questions--it was pretty intrusive. what are they writing a book on me?"
The Positive Contrarian pipes up an says "Oh, I thought it was fun! I enjoyed filling it out!"
So the Positive Contrarian is trying to appear to be ever-positive, but she's actually going out of her way to disagree with everyone, so she's really being negative. If you know the Positive Contrarian, there are times when you just want to slap her smiling face, but then you start questioning yourself because after all, she's so nice, isn't she?
I've concluded that it's really a form of manipulation and attention seeking. He/she enjoys disagreeing or "rebelling" against everyone else when we're just venting about an annoyance we're all dealing with.
I swear, my Mom ate that rancid lobster soup with a smug smile just to prove us all wrong!
Do you know people like this? I'm warning you, now that you've read this and thought about it, you're gonna notice when people do it.
I think you are going out of your way to dislike someone who is pleasant. /shrug
She probably has a thread somewhere asking why everyone has to be so negative.
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My husband rarely ever complains. Which is good for me. I complain a lot. It doesn't bother me when he disagrees with me. We went to a restaurant twice this weekend (hotel restaurant) and I didn't like anything I had either time. He said he thought it was great. I wasn't offended or bothered. Maybe I'm missing the point
Being positive here: wowzer! That is sure a petty thing to be complaining about, OP. I mean, so what if she likes her soup and can tune out the junky neighbor. How does that ruin your life? You complain, but she doesn't bother me a bit.
I've concluded that it's really a form of manipulation and attention seeking. He/she enjoys disagreeing or "rebelling" against everyone else when we're just venting about an annoyance we're all dealing with.
I swear, my Mom ate that rancid lobster soup with a smug smile just to prove us all wrong!
Do you know people like this? I'm warning you, now that you've read this and thought about it, you're gonna notice when people do it.
Yes, I know someone like this and I try to stay away from her. When you realize the positivity isn't real and just feigned to make the person appear "special" and kinder than everyone else, it gets annoying real fast. You can't have an honest conversation with people like this.
But don't expect many people to agree with you, OP. Most people have trouble differentiating between fake nice people and genuine nice people until it's too late.
Yes, I know someone like this and I try to stay away from her. When you realize the positivity isn't real and just feigned to make the person appear "special" and kinder than everyone else, it gets annoying real fast. You can't have an honest conversation with people like this.
But don't expect many people to agree with you, OP. Most people have trouble differentiating between fake nice people and genuine nice people until it's too late.
I can tell the difference. Maybe it's just we haven't dealt with people like this often or in depth enough to really see what the OP is talking about.
These people I used in the examples (based on real live people) didn't just do this once; they do it all the time. And it's not just a matter of trying to see the positive but actively choosing to disagree when the consensus of everyone else it that something is wrong. Instead of a "Debbie Downer" it's a "Debbie Upper."
Some people also don't understand the dynamic of harmless venting. Sometimes people just need to vent about something that's annoying but not solvable, and we feel better when others agree, and validate us, because they've been though the same thing. It's unnerving when someone blocks such a vent with manufactured rosiness. It's like the group is bonding over something and the Positive Contrarian has this need to rebel, in order to stand out.
It's like the group is bonding over something and the Positive Contrarian has this need to rebel, in order to stand out.
Yes I have noticed these people and my take on it agrees with the above.
When someone disagrees with an entire room full of people and proclaims that filling out paperwork is FUN!! they do tend to stop the conversation for a minute--long enough get the side-eye from everyone.
I think these people make these comments just to get attention. It works, but just for a second, and has always left me with the impression that the person is just a bit weird or off. So really it works against them.
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