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Old 12-29-2015, 10:14 AM
 
643 posts, read 383,005 times
Reputation: 526

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I had my last parent die last May. They took ill and even though we had a very poor relationship and they were very abusive growing up and even into adult hood, I took time and sold off their rentals and holdings so I could buy them a home near me. This was so I could take care them. For over a year I had to take them to the Dr. 5 times or more a week. Trips to the emergency room, mowing lawn at his new house and taking care of his personal needs two dogs ect. I basically gave up my and my wife's lift for a year and a half.

I have one brother who has never taken responsibility for his actions or grew up even though he is 46 years old. He lives about 70 miles from where I live and I had hopped he would help take care of our parent. 99 percent of the responsibility fell on my shoulders. The relationship was not as bad now as growing up but it was still difficult. Taking them in a scooter for disabled so they can spend hours shopping hoarding food and trying to keep it all in some kind of order while letting them think they are in control.

Last March just as they had to go into a care facility due to end of life conditions my brother disappeared for a week. No phone service or notice that he was going to be gone. I had to move my parent from the hospital to the care facility alone.

My brothers wife had told him that his son of 6 years was not his and left him. This was about 6 months before March. He ran after her and took some of the cash that belonged to our parent and wooed her back with stories of an inheritance. She came back because she is a very low character. She is a drug user and party animal that would drop her child in the gutter if someone yelled beer. No exaggeration. I now found out that when he dissapeared for the week he took his wife on a 7 day Miami to Jamaica cruise. When I needed help in caring for our parent and he used money he took from our parent. He was joint access to the funds to keep things transparent and he took advantage, buying a truck and cruise with money that was not his at least at that time.

Since he was a child it was never his fault, never did he do anything wrong and to be honest our parents help facilitate this. I can remember our parent saying all week that he was coming down to visit this weekend. Then about 80 percent of the time my brother would call and say he had things come up and could not make it and I had to tell our parent that he was not coming this week end maybe next week end. Then I would see on Facebook that the thing that came up was taking his wife to a party festival where they dressed up like pirates, now I find out that he went on a 7 day cruise when I needed his help most.

My wife who my parent never treated all that well over the years helped me and would rub their shoulders to help them sleep when their flesh was fading away and there was more bone than muscle. At the same time my Brother was at a nude beach in Jamaica on stolen money. His wife has treated our family as if her cheating on our brother and having a child that she lied about for years is something we should apologize to her for. After looking at what toxic people are it seems that my brother fits and now that we are divided up on the inheritance I think this is time to fade out of his life.

I am not sure how to do this but he is a taker, he would crawl through crap to help out his drinking buddies but never once does he help without pay his family. I just don't see what the gain is by keeping a relationship with him.
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Old 12-29-2015, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,989 posts, read 7,350,527 times
Reputation: 7786
There is no reason to maintain a relationship like that. Let it go.
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Old 12-29-2015, 10:46 AM
 
5,402 posts, read 5,025,633 times
Reputation: 11910
I am sorry for your loss.
Every family seems have a least one low character in it somewhere. He sounds like a real piece of work. I would not subject myself & my family to such person in the future.
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Old 12-29-2015, 11:16 AM
 
1,882 posts, read 1,227,888 times
Reputation: 4533
Cut him off. Life is too short to put up with that crap.
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Old 12-29-2015, 12:02 PM
 
643 posts, read 383,005 times
Reputation: 526
Thanks as hard as it is due to it being family I think now that we have not more responsibility together its time to fade out of his life.
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Old 12-29-2015, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Prosper
6,257 posts, read 14,294,700 times
Reputation: 9430
Sounds like you already know the correct course of action. If you came on here just seeking confirmation of what you should do, you've got it.
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Old 12-29-2015, 01:10 PM
 
17,802 posts, read 22,516,342 times
Reputation: 36147
First off sorry for your loss, you're also to be commended for doing what you did, especially when the parent was abusive. That speaks volumes about you.

As others have said you need to end the "relationship", many times in situations like this once the last parent has passed there is no reason for contact. Sharing DNA with someone isn't enough when they're toxic.

Best of luck to you in the new year.
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Old 12-29-2015, 01:37 PM
 
643 posts, read 383,005 times
Reputation: 526
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
First off sorry for your loss, you're also to be commended for doing what you did, especially when the parent was abusive. That speaks volumes about you.

As others have said you need to end the "relationship", many times in situations like this once the last parent has passed there is no reason for contact. Sharing DNA with someone isn't enough when they're toxic.

Best of luck to you in the new year.
And to all of you hope this new year is better for everyone.
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Old 12-29-2015, 01:50 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,447 posts, read 23,130,798 times
Reputation: 27676
It's a good idea to just let him go. He'll run through his share of the inheritance and then start asking you for handouts.

It seems like in most families there's one sibling who gets stuck with most of the elder care. Sorry that was you, but at least you know they were cared for until the end.
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Old 12-29-2015, 01:52 PM
 
2,288 posts, read 2,830,930 times
Reputation: 7029
Condolences on losing your parents and the worthless brother. Blood doesn't make you family, as proven by your wife. You and she never have to feel guilt, as you did everything you could for your parents. That's admirable. I hope you were able to deduct the jerks stolen money from his inheritance.


Just remember, you cant pick your relatives, but you can disown them.
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