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It's my opinion that adults except in very extraordinary circumstances should not need to borrow money from family or friends. Anything outside of this indicates a problem with budgeting, saving for that inevitable rainy day and spending. What a person (that requires loans to keep afloat and/or to pay basic bills) needs is fiscal education and restraint so as not to spend more than they make, robbing Peter to pay Paul, creating constant budgetary chaos.
Quite likely the OP's aunt won't get the help she needs preferring the easy path of pestering relatives for short term loans. Some things won't change. The gist is to remove oneself from the equation.
Years ago I bought my first house as a single woman. A married neighbor (male) across the street was pretty friendly and we had some things in common like gardening so we had a bit of chit-chat over the fence when both of us were outside. I was only living there a few months when the neighbor asked me for a fairly substantial loan. I was in shock as this was absolutely against what I was taught was polite conduct among essentially strangers. I refused as nicely as I could saying that I never ever loan money but that pretty much ended the friendly chatting which was sad but probably necessary with a neighbor with no boundaries like the OP's aunt.
Wow, that is crazy! I wouldn't even ask my neighbors for a cup of sugar.
Call him just to chat....not only when you need something...and pay him back. You borrowed it, you pay it back. This waiting for him to ask for you to pay it back is gibberish and infantile, especially your snarky comments about him and your niece...you look like the problem imo
Start a thread.
Im not WAITING for him to ask
Im WAITING to get some $$$
Did you not read the part about 5 years illness and 3 years homelessness?
If you cant fall back on your (millionaire) family in times of illness or poverty, who can you fall back on?
If you cant fall back on your (millionaire) family in times of illness or poverty, who can you fall back on? NO ONE.
Honestly I'd venture to say that fits the vast majority of us. Most families can't afford to support another adult member or are not inclined to. Welcome to the world that most of us live in.
I don't care enough to follow your link which makes me wonder if you really do know what you typed and I generally avoid posts that lack the proper use of real complete words and sentences.
*links are not followed that are posted by most anyone, especially if I do not know them*
One more thing, why would you think it is your right to count on anyone but yourself to take care of yourself. Your family, rich or not has no obligation to tend to or take care of anyone but themselves. The way that millionaires and others remain millionaires and others with money is to invest well and not spend it on or give it away to anyone including family without a guaranteed profitable return in an acceptable to them time frame.
Did you not read the part about 5 years illness and 3 years homelessness?
That's not what you said. Did you not read what you wrote?
"I don't want to pay Her back, I want to pay Him back so I thought I'd wait till he called"
If you don't have the $$$ yet then what does it matter if he has not called? Maybe when he hears you have the $$$ he will call. In the meantime, he's probably not wanting to talk to you because he is worried you will want to borrow yet more money. Or that you'll lay a guilt trip on him talking about how well off he is and how distressed you are.
if shes paying you back, why do you have a big deal
I can understand posters having a go at me on my brother, I owe him the $ and am Technically In The Wrong
But in your situation, she pays back when she says
Ive had friends ive been able to lend off and always paid back too - back in my days as a single mom with a deadbeat ex
I loaned to them when I was flush
if they couldn't afford it they said no
if I couldn't I said no
no biggie if it gets paid back, IYKWIM?
Because she does it over and over and over....which shows a total lack of responsibility for her own money. Who wants to be on the hook with someone like that? If she knows she is always having to borrow money to pay her bills, she needs to figure out what she is doing wrong.
That's not what you said. Did you not read what you wrote?
"I don't want to pay Her back, I want to pay Him back so I thought I'd wait till he called"
If you don't have the $$$ yet then what does it matter if he has not called? Maybe when he hears you have the $$$ he will call. In the meantime, he's probably not wanting to talk to you because he is worried you will want to borrow yet more money. Or that you'll lay a guilt trip on him talking about how well off he is and how distressed you are.
I had the $$ but needed it for other things like staying alive
Because she does it over and over and over....which shows a total lack of responsibility for her own money. Who wants to be on the hook with someone like that? If she knows she is always having to borrow money to pay her bills, she needs to figure out what she is doing wrong.
Look I get it
I had a neighbor who used to send her kids over to borrow a can of this, a bag of that
its annoying
which is why I said No
OP can say no
But the part I Question is the Lecture part.
Not necessary, judgey, unhelpful and There But For The Grace of God
Its family not some douche neighbor you barely know...or know well even...as im my case
My neigbour was chronically disorganized and never replaced what she borrowed
So I just said No.
Not NO, furthermore you're x, y, z
in fact you would even lecture a neigbour so why do it for family?
Dang! OP got woke up by a text asking for money. Asked for suggestions, responded quickly, then recieved 10 more pages of grief/sorta professional (ha) opinions/sob stories..etc.. It's done and settled. Case closed. just my opinion.
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