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So back story my boyfriend and I moved into my great grandmothers house that she only owns and doesn't live in. She lives 15 minutes across town with my grandmother. My grandmother handles all of her mothers stuff.
We live rent free as long as we pay the bills, keep up the house and yard and repairs. We even just installed a new dual shower head over at her house and put up the canopy she bought.
We've been doing so.
Anyways we have family in town and the other night my brother and his girlfriend came over at 3am and woke us up. Turned out to be a good thing because not long after they came over we smelled gas and there was a gas leak.
My grandmother made a snide remark about if we needed an adult to handle calling the fire department and the gas company. (We're all over 18 and two of us over 25.)
We had to have the local HVAC place come out to fix something before the gas could be turned on.
My grandmother set up an appointment with the place she's used for years and told us when to expect them. Same as when they've had to come out before . No different.
For some reason they called her to let her know they were coming. She then calls us and we're asleep, phones on vibrate. She starts wigging out because she thinks we're going to miss them. Even though she knows my dogs go crazy when anyone pulls into the driveway or knocks on the door.
Barking, running around, I sleep right by a window and my 100lbs will come sit on my head and look out the window. She KNOWS my dogs do this.
The only thing I can assume set her off was the added stress of 3 visitors staying in her house for the holidays.
Not only did she blow up my phone she took my moms car and drove across town, stormed into my house and proceeded to yell at us about something that's never been an issue before and how dare I put my phone on vibrate. Right how dare I out my phone on vibrate while I sleep. 🙄
Then told us she's selling the house by spring.
I get my name isn't on the deed but I've been paying the bills, renovated the bathroom, been shot down on all other things I've wanted to do, forced to keep decor I hate and now I can't even choose what my damn phone ringer is set on.
My family, well the 3 generations before me have major control issues, treat adults like children. My great grandmother controls and dictates what my grandmother does, she can't even get a dog because her mother is crazy and puts animals outside and doesn't care if it's the fenced in area it or not. My grandmother does it to my mom, my mom does it to me and they all three target me.
I've decided enough is enough. I'll be 27 in August. I am sick of being treated like a child.
They wouldn't even let my 21 year old brother and his girlfriend stay the night with us. It's ridiculous. They've had to sleep cramped Ina room with my mom.
Not to mention my great grandmother raging on about how she can't believe my brothers girlfriend is allowed to travel across the country with a boy. She's an adult and hasn't lived with her parents for two year or more now.
My boyfriend and I are going to move out. Whether she meant it or not. I'm gone.
I don't want to deal with it anymore. If I want to be happy and better my life anymore.
I'm drastically cutting back how much and what I allow in my life.
I let them all know I wasn't tolerating the drama, the fighting or being treated like a child.
I let my brother know that if he was going to keep being inconsiderate and making it impossible to spend time with him that I'm going to quit trying to make times to hang out work since he doesn't care or have respect.
I just want a more laid back and drama free life. They all have stuff of their own they need to sort through to be happy and I just don't want to endure the stress any longer.
I fully plan on being civil. The occasional call and text is cool. Clearly I have to keep more contact with my grandmother because some bills are paid in cash to her and we still plan on helping her and doing things she needs done.
None of them are happy and I am, I love my life. I'm young, tiny, traveling and having the time of my life. The yelling, screaming, drunken angry people are no fun. They'll find their way, my brother is still young, he's going to grow up and fly the nest. My mom will adjust to an empty nest and start living for herself. Hopefully my grandmother admits she's not capable of taking care of her mother anymore. I've led the horses to water, I'll walk away and let them figure out they need to drink.
It doesn't make me a terrible person for wanting to destress my life?
I've already got a lot on my plate dealing with my injuries from the accident. My body is already under stress from pain and being pissed at my injuries, I don't get quality sleep due to pain and discomfort. My plate is full.
Has anyone ever had to do the same?
*sigh* A responsible person would have been awake, waiting for the repairman.
You live rent free in exchange for taking care of the house. No one ever said the house was yours or ever would be, so ya, you have to keep the decor, and ya, she can sell it when she wants.
I think you are really off base in thinking that they'll somehow be worse off without you in her house. They treat you like a kid because you act like one. You are plenty old to be paying your own rent. Heck, I owned a house when I was your age. Maybe they'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one.
Boundaries sound like a good thing to put in place in your life.
Yes, definitely move out of your GGmother's house. You are too old to be dependent on her or any other members of your immediate family and you will find that establishing healthy boundaries is probably only going to be possible when you become completely independent from them - which you have not been - why, I don't know.
By the way, your GGmother is setting a boundary with YOU by putting the house on the market. It's her right to do so, and she's clearly not happy with whatever she thinks is happening with her property in the current situation. To be honest, I don't feel as if you're being "done wrong" by having to move out of a place you've been staying in rent or mortgage free - count this situation as one of life's blessings that doesn't come along that often, in fact. Most 27 year olds are paying rent or a mortgage by now, and you've caught a break - thanks to your GGmother.
Your brother's girlfriend sounds very young. I don't think it's unrealistic or even particularly unreasonable for your GGmother to be unsettled by the idea of such a young woman, who probably looks like a child to her, traveling alone with her boyfriend across country. Many people, not just old people, don't believe that such a relationship is particularly proper or wise. Regardless, she's entitled to her opinion and is free to express it, and is also free to be concerned about it when it's happening under the roof she owns.
Anyway - I say all that to say that you seem to think your Gmother and GGmother are too controlling. Maybe they are. But it's their life and it's their house. When you have your own place, you can set the rules, so I encourage you to get your own place as quickly as possible.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 12-30-2015 at 07:33 PM..
Boundaries sound like a good thing to put in place in your life.
Yes, definitely move out of your GGmother's house. You are too old to be dependent on her or any other members of your immediate family and you will find that establishing healthy boundaries is probably only going to be possible when you become completely independent from them - which you have not been - why, I don't know.
By the way, your GGmother is setting a boundary with YOU by putting the house on the market. It's her right to do so, and she's clearly not happy with whatever she thinks is happening with her property in the current situation. To be honest, I don't feel as if you're being "done wrong" by having to move out of a place you've been staying in rent or mortgage free - count this situation as one of life's blessings that doesn't come along that often, in fact. Most 27 year olds are paying rent or a mortgage by now, and you've caught a break - thanks to your GGmother.
Your brother's girlfriend sounds very young. I don't think it's unrealistic or even particularly unreasonable for your GGmother to be unsettled by the idea of such a young woman, who probably looks like a child to her, traveling alone with her boyfriend across country. Many people, not just old people, don't believe that such a relationship is particularly proper or wise. Regardless, she's entitled to her opinion and is free to express it, and is also free to be concerned about it when it's happening under the roof she owns.
Anyway - I say all that to say that you seem to think your Gmother and GGmother are too controlling. Maybe they are. But it's their life and it's their house. When you have your own place, you can set the rules, so I encourage you to get your own place as quickly as possible.
Boundaries sound like a good thing to put in place in your life.
Yes, definitely move out of your GGmother's house. You are too old to be dependent on her or any other members of your immediate family and you will find that establishing healthy boundaries is probably only going to be possible when you become completely independent from them - which you have not been - why, I don't know.
By the way, your GGmother is setting a boundary with YOU by putting the house on the market. It's her right to do so, and she's clearly not happy with whatever she thinks is happening with her property in the current situation. To be honest, I don't feel as if you're being "done wrong" by having to move out of a place you've been staying in rent or mortgage free - count this situation as one of life's blessings that doesn't come along that often, in fact. Most 27 year olds are paying rent or a mortgage by now, and you've caught a break - thanks to your GGmother.
Your brother's girlfriend sounds very young. I don't think it's unrealistic or even particularly unreasonable for your GGmother to be unsettled by the idea of such a young woman, who probably looks like a child to her, traveling alone with her boyfriend across country. Many people, not just old people, don't believe that such a relationship is particularly proper or wise. Regardless, she's entitled to her opinion and is free to express it, and is also free to be concerned about it when it's happening under the roof she owns.
My stepson had a girlfriend (age 17) whose parents were VERY lax with her. My stepson was 17 at the time too, both were still in high school, and frankly I didn't want to subsidize sex between the two of them. They weren't getting married, weren't engaged, and weren't even going to be together in a few months because he was going off to college and she wasn't. We had a rule - no sleeping over. My husband and I are night owls, so we didn't feel that it was unreasonable to expect her to go home when we went to bed - we lived way out in the country at the time and she would have to be driving home alone (a 30 minute drive) after midnight even if she left when we went to bed. Occasionally we'd think she was gone and find out that no - she was upstairs in the bed with my stepson - which made us both pretty mad, because they both knew the rules. I couldn't BELIEVE that her parents really cared so little about where she was and whether or not she was coming home. Sheeze!
I actually practically dragged her out of his room one night. Unbelievable. Stupid drama. It's my house. You're not invited to spend the night. Go home. OMG. I did not want two high schoolers blatantly sleeping together in my house. I didn't want to have breakfast with this girl the next morning.
(Aside note - they broke up a few months later and within a year she was pregnant and married to someone else - in that order.)
Anyway - I say all that to say that you seem to think your Gmother and GGmother are too controlling. Maybe they are. But it's their life and it's their house. When you have your own place, you can set the rules, so I encourage you to get your own place as quickly as possible.
She hasn't lived at home in 3 years. They've lived together for those 3 years. She's 20. Not what I'd call young.
My great grandmother is not the home owner of the home she lives in, my grandmother is.
They've been stay there so it's not happening under HER roof. They're sharing a room with my mom, nothing is happening. She's also the only person who has an issue with it in the family. Everyone else is cool with it. My brothers girlfriend and I look the same age anyways. My face hasn't aged in 10 years.
These aren't teenagers either, you were dealing with two minors. My brother and his girlfriend are not and have been together for nearly 4 years. My boyfriend and I only have 1 1/2-2 years on them.
My grandmother is also the one selling the house not my great grandmother.
She's selling because she's tired of dealing with all she has to deal with. She's coming to a point she can't take care of her mom anymore. She said she wants to do this while she still can.
My great grandmother will probably threaten to kill her over this but she's almost 97 and is mentally not there really and doesn't get this is too much for my grandmother.
And yes I really feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick because I'm in the middle of a disability battle. We're fine right now but we defiantly need a second income if we're going to now be paying rent. On a house we'll only be at like 1 week every 3 or so weeks.
20 is young. It is especially young to someone who's, I don't know 80.
If you were doing some great favor to your grandmother and/or great grandmother by living there and helping, she wouldn't feel the need to sell it.
You are not getting the short end of the stick. You have no part in the stick. No one owes you free rent. It was a favor. It was never supposed to go on forever. Unbelievable that you want them to respect your boundaries while you live rent free in their house. Unbelievable!
And yes I really feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick because I'm in the middle of a disability battle. We're fine right now but we defiantly need a second income if we're going to now be paying rent. On a house we'll only be at like 1 week every 3 or so weeks.
Not your grandmother's problem. She has been more than generous to you over the years. When you reach across that boundary line with an open hand, the boundary has been breached, by your actions.
.... We're fine right now but we defiantly need a second income if we're going to now be paying rent. On a house we'll only be at like 1 week every 3 or so weeks.
If you've been living rent free then you should have plenty of money saved up to go on your way.
By 27, I owned my first home. It's long past time for you to cut those ties.
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