Was I a CRAPPY Friend? (person, present, judgmental, house)
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A very GREAT friend is currently ticked off at me. For some history, I've lived with my friend for the last 4 months. Just moved to the area for a new job, and she very graciously allowed me to live with her while I learned the area (major city), found a place to live, and saved money (I did pay her each month).
In the last few days, I've moved into my new place. The process took a lot longer than expected, and my boss has been extremely flexible with my work schedule/days off (but I wouldn't want to push it any further than I have...it is still a relatively new job).
Long story short, the movers moved all of my furniture in, except my TV (it got accidentally left behind at their warehouse). I'd taken another day after the movers left, off of work to allow for all of the installers (cable guy)...obviously without a TV, that plan was shot. I explained this to my friend.
Coincidentally (and unbeknownst to me), my friend was also in the middle of changing cable companies, and was scheduled to have her cable installed on the same day. She was going to have to cancel her appointment due to an unplanned work priority..but when she found out that I wouldn't have the installers coming to my place after all, she asked if I could stay at her place, while her installers came . I said yes.
At that point (early morning), I hadn't even called my installers to let them know that I needed to reschedule..they weren't open yet. As soon as they opened, I called, explained the situation, and they let me know that they could at least come and install my internet. I didn't know when I would be able to be off work again, so I agreed to let them just come and install internet.
I immediately let my friend know that the installers would be coming to my place after all (within 30 minutes of originally saying yes), but she was furious, and pretty much has been since.
I regret agreeing to stay at her place before I'd spoken to the cable company, but I'd purposely taken time off of work to have installers at my place, and would have risked going weeks without internet (not being able to work in the evenings), if I didn't allow them to come then. She asked me an hour before her appointment.
She yelled saying I "should think before speaking", and that she'd cancelled her current services and would be without wifi over the weekend, and now she has to find the time to schedule a new appointment. I've apologized multiple times for originally saying yes, let her know that she could come over to use my internet (we don't live far from each other) -- she declined saying she would go to Starbucks.
I don't know...was I in the wrong? I feel like her reaction is off. We do favors for each other all the time. I've never said no to a request before...except for now --- and this is the reaction.
You did screw her over though telling her this last minute....I think you spoke before thinking as she said, but you did make a comittment, and her letting you stay with her for 4 months was a HUGE favor not a regular favor even if you did pay.
I have never heard of any cable company that doesn't have service calls during evening or weekend hours though, so not sure why everyone has to keep taking off work to get cable?
Moving is difficult and there are tons of unforeseen circumstances that go along with it. I think it would have been very nice if you'd been able to help your friend out, but I also think she's overreacting to the situation. It's just not something I would bother getting irate over, since I would try to understand that moving is full of unexpected bumps in the road.
I think I'd try to send her a nice "thank you" present and apologize. If she decides to continue being angry, there's nothing you can really do. After I sincerely apologize to someone, I would hope they would be understanding and mature enough to accept it. It doesn't sound like anything was done with malice and you sound like a reasonable, nice person. I hope your friend will be reasonable and let this go. Good friends are hard to come by. It sounds like you two are there for one another... and maybe it's just that you need a little time apart after having lived in close quarters for a bit?
This outsider's perspective is that you're all about yourself.
I don't care if you paid her for living at her place. It is an INCREDIBLE imposition to have someone in your space for four months. I know, we had a "friend" stay with us that long and had I known in advance how it would be, I never would have said Yes. I'll never do it again and I bet your friend won't, either.
When she needs your help, you blow her off. Unbelievable.
I would have asked my own installers to come at a time after the friend's installers so you could accommodate both, if it fit into your own time off of work that day.
She didn't originally make the appointment expecting you would handle it, and she would have had to cancel and reschedule anyway because of the unexpected work conflict. It was a last minute favour that didn't end up working out. I don't think living there for 4 months had anything to do with the issue at hand. She was relieved, at the last minute that she wouldn't have to cancel, and then upset because you couldn't help after all. You apologized and offered her the use of your wi-fi. Not much else you can do.
I think this is blown way out of proportion, Ohhey!.
Yes, you offered your help, and as someone who needed this person to help you move, you wanted to do something in return. That's gracious and good of you.
You also found out some information that changed the scenario a bit. You're in a new place, and a new job, and that, quite frankly, is as big a thing as someone putting you up for four months. The whole point of her goodness is your need. She herself was subject to an unexpected work priority.
This is about cable. Cable's a luxury, not an essential. Your Internet, on the other hand, is not a luxury. You have to have it.
But it's also about more than cable, or Internet. The judgmental quality about "your word is Unbreakable Law" is just unrealistic. We are all subject to inconveniences and reminders that we do not, in fact, control things absolutely. We're supposed to be flexible in the face of shifting priorities. That means you do your best.
As near as I can tell from the story, you both did your best up to the point where she had an expectation that the most important thing was her cable installation so that her conveniences wouldn't be interrupted. I find that unreasonable. She'd already decided to inconvenience herself on your behalf. She reneged on that rather suddenly!
I'm in agreement with Nicci6Squirrels and Liberty2011. This is way over the top, and I hope that if she is a friend, and not just someone looking for a housesitter, that she gets over it soon.
I would have asked my own installers to come at a time after the friend's installers so you could accommodate both, if it fit into your own time off of work that day.
She didn't originally make the appointment expecting you would handle it, and she would have had to cancel and reschedule anyway because of the unexpected work conflict. It was a last minute favour that didn't end up working out. I don't think living there for 4 months had anything to do with the issue at hand. She was relieved, at the last minute that she wouldn't have to cancel, and then upset because you couldn't help after all. You apologized and offered her the use of your wi-fi. Not much else you can do.
Thanks for the feedback.
I did ask my installers, and unfortunately they couldn't make same day adjustments.
In hindsight, I would have handled this situation differently. I was just occupied by moving logistics/stress, and missed the "big picture" (opportunity to help a friend who has been REALLY kind to me). Hopefully things will cool off soon.
I think this is blown way out of proportion, Ohhey!.
Yes, you offered your help, and as someone who needed this person to help you move, you wanted to do something in return. That's gracious and good of you.
You also found out some information that changed the scenario a bit. You're in a new place, and a new job, and that, quite frankly, is as big a thing as someone putting you up for four months. The whole point of her goodness is your need. She herself was subject to an unexpected work priority.
This is about cable. Cable's a luxury, not an essential. Your Internet, on the other hand, is not a luxury. You have to have it.
But it's also about more than cable, or Internet. The judgmental quality about "your word is Unbreakable Law" is just unrealistic. We are all subject to inconveniences and reminders that we do not, in fact, control things absolutely. We're supposed to be flexible in the face of shifting priorities. That means you do your best.
As near as I can tell from the story, you both did your best up to the point where she had an expectation that the most important thing was her cable installation so that her conveniences wouldn't be interrupted. I find that unreasonable. She'd already decided to inconvenience herself on your behalf. She reneged on that rather suddenly!
I'm in agreement with Nicci6Squirrels and Liberty2011. This is way over the top, and I hope that if she is a friend, and not just someone looking for a housesitter, that she gets over it soon.
A house sitter? The OP was a houseguest for 4 months. Asked to do one thing, agrees, and than backs out.
OP sounds like the type of person who makes plans with you, than gets a better offer, and cancels the original plans.
Someone lets you stay with them for 4 months(that's a long time) you extend yourself a little when they ask a favor.
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