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With today's technology, you'd think communication would be better than ever, but I think it's worse. I can't for the life of me understand why it's so hard for people to respond to a simple email, especially when the message makes it clear that responses are necessary.
Here's an example. I used to facilitate a social group twice a month. I did this for nearly 7 years, and ultimately shut the group down due to poor attendance. Before doing so, I sent a gently worded email to recent members describing my intentions to close the group unless I got enough indications that people planned to keep coming. I had virtually no responses, so my decision was pretty easy.
That was 2 years ago. Over the weekend, my friends encountered a guy who'd been a member of my group but had faded away a few months before I stopped. He told them how much he really used to enjoy going to my group. Do you see my problem with this? A person "really enjoys" something, and demonstrates this by stopping attendance with no explanation, and fails to respond to an email suggestion the activity will end if I don't hear from you.
This is one example, but it happens to me all the time. Can anyone explain this to me?
Life happens. People can't always continue group events. Girlfriend/wife, kids, job, new hobbies, illness, all kinds of things take precedence. For all you know, his email may have gotten hacked, or he used that account as his catch-all junk addy and just stopped logging in.
He was making polite conversation. Don't read too much into it.
I had a handyman who was fully plugged-in, had the latest cell phone, technology, etc.
But he also had a behavior I came to find unacceptable: passive/aggressiveness.
I would email him/txt him or even call him to try and book his time. Inevitably I wouldn't hear back the first time then I'd have to reach out again. Then he'd finally get back to me and it was always sort of noncommittal based on what else he might have going on. I put up with this for a long time as his work was very good and his prices were great, but after a few years and a worsening of the behaviors, along with a new policy he started that required a client pay him a 4 hr minimum fee, I gave up. If I'm paying you for 4 hours of work, I expect you to spend 4 hours of time. And I absolutely expect you to answer an email or txt within one business day, just to say you got the note and then respond back in a timely manner.
I dumped him over a year ago. I'd rather pay a bit more and get a response back and timely service.
One of the things I find frustrating is that even when people do respond to an email, they frequently only answer the first question you've asked. This happens to me at every level of people I deal with, even close family. I don't know whether it's attention span or negligence, or what. I've sometimes resorted to putting subject lines in such as "Three small questions about the xyz project" and still only the first question gets answered. I've used one small paragraph, I've use numbering points, bulletin marks.. everything. lol.
YES - this is one of my major pet peeves particularly with work associates! I've tried all kinds of tactics too, same as you. Even just sending one question per email. But then they will just respond to the latest email and ignore the rest. It's a mystery to me!
Don't take it personally ever. In my opinion, it's just a symptom of overall societal decay. Most people these days just don't have basic manners and don't understand common courtesy or attention to detail. Unless maybe they were in the military or have a very professional job where that aspect is key.
A lot of people also have psychological issues such as ADD, ADHD, bipolar, depression, borderline personality disorder etc. that make them screwy like that where they don't respond. They might have seen your message or email and then 20 seconds later their favorite TV show came on or they got a text from a friend and they don't have the mental capacity to remember about the earlier notification. They might be having a good day and respond and then next time be having a bad day going through an episode and not care about it.
Some people ultimately honestly just don't care. We're living in the most materialistic, selfish, ego driven era in history, so a lot of people have money, sex, drugs etc. on their minds constantly and they prioritize their lives based on how they can use someone or what someone offers them. One more thing is this is also a very transient time period. People change often, so maybe they lost interest and rather than being respectful about it and making that clear, they just ignore the situation. This is typical behavior that we'd expect to see from former mates after a bad ending to a relationship, but somehow this mentality has spread throughout society to almost any occasion or interaction between people requiring correspondence. The death of communication.
^^ THIS.
I just see this as symptomatic of a larger issue, as well. People largely no longer have concern, kindness or respect for others. I mean, for example-- I say hello to people on the street when I pass and make eye contact with them. I'm not crazily in their faces or anything, but I do acknowledge another human being's presence. Very few people have enough decency to reciprocate. I mean, how hard is it to just freaking say hello back? I'm not greeting people with the expectation of them being my newfound BFF, but it is slightly bothersome when they won't even acknowledge a "Hi." (and I consider myself to have a pretty thick skin).
They can pass upbringing, disorders, time management issues, or whatever off as excuses, but there really is no acceptable one, IMO.
I've gotten a lot softer as I have grown older, and it's troubling to see the trajectory humanity is headed in. Truthfully, I've had fertility issues. It used to really upset me that I can't have children. I know that I would make a great parent. My husband and family are great people and supportive. It's not us that I question-- it's everyone else in this world. And now I hover back and forth between complacent and glad that I can't have children.
One of the things I find frustrating is that even when people do respond to an email, they frequently only answer the first question you've asked. This happens to me at every level of people I deal with, even close family. I don't know whether it's attention span or negligence, or what. I've sometimes resorted to putting subject lines in such as "Three small questions about the xyz project" and still only the first question gets answered. I've used one small paragraph, I've use numbering points, bulletin marks.. everything. lol.
Attention span for sure. Two things people are lacking in modern society are an attention span and patience.
Life happens. People can't always continue group events. Girlfriend/wife, kids, job, new hobbies, illness, all kinds of things take precedence. For all you know, his email may have gotten hacked, or he used that account as his catch-all junk addy and just stopped logging in.
He was making polite conversation. Don't read too much into it.
Please, it takes 30 seconds to send off an email saying my life is very hectic right now(you don't have to give any details) and I can no longer continue attending your events. DONE.
You make a lot of excuses for what is just bad manners.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lottamoxie
I had a handyman who was fully plugged-in, had the latest cell phone, technology, etc.
But he also had a behavior I came to find unacceptable: passive/aggressiveness.
I would email him/txt him or even call him to try and book his time. Inevitably I wouldn't hear back the first time then I'd have to reach out again. Then he'd finally get back to me and it was always sort of noncommittal based on what else he might have going on. I put up with this for a long time as his work was very good and his prices were great, but after a few years and a worsening of the behaviors, along with a new policy he started that required a client pay him a 4 hr minimum fee, I gave up. If I'm paying you for 4 hours of work, I expect you to spend 4 hours of time. And I absolutely expect you to answer an email or txt within one business day, just to say you got the note and then respond back in a timely manner.
I dumped him over a year ago. I'd rather pay a bit more and get a response back and timely service.
LOL, I had a similar situation. Nice guy who did good work but would take days just to return a call. Leave a message saying "I'm returning your call", but not answering the question as to when he was available.
He lost out in the end, I was in the process of selling the house and moving across the country(he knew this), he was eyeing some tools and a hand truck. I was going to just give them to him(he didn't know this), well I needed him for one repair required by the new owner's lender. He never got back to me and I had to find someone else. I left the tools and the hand truck for the new owner who also asked about them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cbr11
^^ THIS.
I just see this as symptomatic of a larger issue, as well. People largely no longer have concern, kindness or respect for others. I mean, for example-- I say hello to people on the street when I pass and make eye contact with them. I'm not crazily in their faces or anything, but I do acknowledge another human being's presence. Very few people have enough decency to reciprocate. I mean, how hard is it to just freaking say hello back? I'm not greeting people with the expectation of them being my newfound BFF, but it is slightly bothersome when they won't even acknowledge a "Hi." (and I consider myself to have a pretty thick skin).
They can pass upbringing, disorders, time management issues, or whatever off as excuses, but there really is no acceptable one, IMO.
I've gotten a lot softer as I have grown older, and it's troubling to see the trajectory humanity is headed in. Truthfully, I've had fertility issues. It used to really upset me that I can't have children. I know that I would make a great parent. My husband and family are great people and supportive. It's not us that I question-- it's everyone else in this world. And now I hover back and forth between complacent and glad that I can't have children.
Exactly, "busy" is the excuse now for bad manners and not getting back to people. It used to be you would get an "I'm sorry" when people were in the wrong, now you get when someone is wrong about how busy they are...all about them.
I'm sure if you called/texted them that you just inherited a large sum of money and you want to give them $5,000 but they need to come see you, they would find the time.....LOL.
I find many people today don't value other people's time. I'm always considerate, if I have an appt. or I am getting a haircut I'm there on time. If for some reason I get delayed(rarely), I call them and say I am running 15 minutes late. I realize people have other things to do besides see me.
Perhaps the question shouldn't be "why is communication so hard?" It's not hard---at least, most of us on here agree that it isn't. We are able, willing, and happy to communicate to lubricate friendships and make interaction easier for us and others. But we are a selective group; we enjoy writing and take the time to participate on here. But not everyone is like that, so the question becomes "how do we deal with people who are unwilling/unable to communicate?" Not sure I have an answer to this. Possibly limit communication as much as possible, lower expectations, and persevere to obtain the communication we want/need.
Another thing I forgot to mention in my earlier post is there are people who are naturally introverted, some even shy or paranoid about revealing too much. Introverts are a minority in society however, so this would only explain a faction of the problem. I'm an introvert and sometimes it does bother me when people contact me too much, but I'm also a man of respect so I always get back to people. I'm straight up with them too, if I'm not interested, I tell them how it is. I don't lead people on or ignore people like a middle school teenage girl. Anyone who consistently does this gets cut off in my life.
Someone isn't my friend or a person with which I would want to associate if they can't communicate properly. If you no call, no show to your job, you get fired. If you do that in the military you're AWOL and possibly go to prison. If you do that to me, you get cut off, deleted. I give people the benefit of the doubt though cause everyone has emergencies and times that they are super busy, but if they are habitual about it, see ya. There are still decent people in the world made of respect and integrity with which to associate, though the numbers are dwindling as the society becomes more vile.
Did you know that email programs like Gmail and possibly others have the ability to auto-respond back. You can write a canned message and it will be sent to whoever you want who's on your contact list or even just sent back to anyone who sends you email. You could write something nice and generic like, "Hi, Just wanted you to know I did get your email. I can't respond back right now because I'm busy, but yes, I did get it."
In many email programs it's called the "vacation responder." You can set it up to run over a specific time period or just keep it on all the time if you want.
It costs nothing to communicate. And anyone who runs a business of any kind (home repairs, service, whatever) can't afford to not communicate with a current or potential customer.
Remember when AOL has a box you could check and it would tell you if the recipient opened the email you sent? hahaha. people couldn't say they never saw it.
Low reading comprehension and short attention spans means we don't get answers we want in email. That's when we make the phone call and they let it go to voice mail. Then they don't listen to it and just call back and we have to repeat everything we said. On and on.
I just called my brother to wish him happy birthday and he said he sent photos of him and his first grandchild. I never got them so I said are you sure? yeah he sent them to my phone. But I have a landline that doesn't get email or photos.
The world of communication is so confusing.
To the previous poster who said people don't email anymore, they text. yeah I know but don't have that phone either.
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