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What's the proper etiquette for when people give you things? I always say thank you but I know they will expect something back even if they say they don't and that they don't care.
It actually stresses me out when people give me things for that reason. I'm broke and don't have a ton of money to spend on people and you can say you can do things for them that aren't financial but I just don't find that to be true because the intangibles (like being there to listen) are what's expected when you're friends. I will go out of my way to help a friend and to be there for them but I feel bad if they buy me a drink and I don't reciprocate. I don't expect my friends to buy me anything, but they do sometimes. Sometimes acquaintances will buy me things and that makes me think they want to be my friend, which is great, but maybe I'm just socially inept but I don't really know what to do with it besides say "I'll buy you something back." Am I just overthinking this? I mean I usually complain about how I can't really keep friends so maybe this is just something I don't really understand? I grew up not having things (no bday presents or xmas gifts) and people in my family just don't really give each other things, my childhood friends didn't either. So maybe I just don't understand this part of giving things....
There is no need to overthink it, a thank you is fine. But, if you're out with a friend, and they buy you a drink, it won't cost you any more to buy the next round, assuming there is one. You're still only paying for two drinks.
Don't say you'll buy them something back when it's an unsolicited gift. Just accept it graciously.
maybe I'm just socially inept but I don't really know what to do with it besides say "I'll buy you something back." Am I just overthinking this?
Yes, you are.
There is no need to say you will buy them something back. I have never said that in my life or had someone say that to me.
Usually it is simply "Thanks".
Sometimes a "Thank you! It is just what I was looking for" works, if they listened to you saying you were looking for some particular thing.
In the case of drinks or an appetizer... "Next one is on me" suffices.
Yes, you are.
There is no need to say you will buy them something back. I have never said that in my life or had someone say that to me.
Usually it is simply "Thanks".
Sometimes a "Thank you! It is just what I was looking for" works, if they listened to you saying you were looking for some particular thing.
In the case of drinks or an appetizer... "Next one is on me" suffices.
Yes, what Pitt said. And if you want to reciprocate a nice gesture, banana bread or a batch of cookies is a very nice gift.
There is no need to overthink it, a thank you is fine. But, if you're out with a friend, and they buy you a drink, it won't cost you any more to buy the next round, assuming there is one. You're still only paying for two drinks.
Don't say you'll buy them something back when it's an unsolicited gift. Just accept it graciously.
I've been meaning to read The Five Love Languages. I think it goes beyond romantic love, I think. I am not a gift giver; I give people my time. I didn't realize all of this until I met a big gift giver. It was awkward. There was definitely this feeling that I needed, or perhaps the better word is wanted, to reciprocate. But I, too, felt like I couldn't. The thing with gift givers is they don't care about the price tag, it is merely a way for them to show you that they were thinking of you. I don't know about you, but I don't like to get trinkets, I think it is a waste of resources. The things I want to buy for people are too expensive for me.
So my advice is to not sweat it, buy small gifts as you can for those who are clearly of the "gift" language. Read the book and figure out what love language you are.
I had a friend give me genital warts. I said thank you and gave her herpes. She said thank you and gave me gonorrhea. I said thank you and asked her to marry me. She said thank you and said yes. I said think you and raised her kid. She said thank you and gave me a whopping credit card bill. I said thank you and filed for divorce. She said thank you and took the motorcycle she gave me for my birthday. I said thank you and gave her... What did I give her? Oh yeah, money when she needed it.
Fast forward several years, out of the blue in a really dark time, I get an email asking if I need help with something as life turned around. I said thank you and yes. A long talk occurred with past hurts being forgotten. We both said thank you as a friendship was rekindled.
The funny first parts aren't true, but there is truth in much of the other.
As batman tells Rachel Dawes in batman begins...
Rachel: wait, you may die. I never said thank you
Batman: and you'll never have to
For those you love, giving is always enough. Even if it's just a smile on a cloudy day.
Mainly because I don't like being in anyone's debt and they almost ALWAYS want something in return. I don't really trust people's motives like that. A friend kept getting me things when I kept insisting that he shouldn't, I would get so angry with him for doing it.
Mainly because I don't like being in anyone's debt and they almost ALWAYS want something in return. I don't really trust people's motives like that. A friend kept getting me things when I kept insisting that he shouldn't, I would get so angry with him for doing it.
To me, that means you are putting a price on the friendship. "Oh, this friendship is currently worth one book. To maintain the status quo, I must balance the universe by giving THEM a book, or else our friendship will be out of wack." A gift is not a "bill" for your friendship.
Some people just like giving gifts. I'm one of them. I know a good friend of mine loves the Cranberry Bliss Bars at Starbucks in November. I always buy her a box on the first or second day they come out -- because I know she loves them and enjoys them. It's become a tradition. I appreciate her friendship, long talks with her at the dog park, her wicked sense of humor that makes me laugh when I need it, and her ability to step in and forestall me from some truly heinous fashion choices. :-) It's my way for showing appreciation for her friendship. Most people get a warm feeling just around the heart area when they realize that someone else has taken the time to think of them.
Learn how to say "thank you, that's so thoughtful of you!"
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