Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-04-2016, 01:12 PM
 
7,986 posts, read 5,359,338 times
Reputation: 35548

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
By "no reason" I meant "through no fault of my own" (although some here seem determined to fault me for this)... Of course there's always a reason for everything.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-04-2016, 02:43 PM
 
13,389 posts, read 6,410,753 times
Reputation: 10022
Otterhere


I think you should reconsider connecting with other people until you move.


It also sounds like you could use some help dealing with the loss of your Mother. Can you find a bereavement group in your area........frequently hospitals and even some funeral homes run them.


Did you belong to any kind of support group for caregivers? If so go back, or even join one now. I'm sure you would be welcome to process issues you are dealing with a result of losing your role as caregiver.


You have another year of holidays. You might make connections and by talking about the connected issue of no family to celebrate with you may find others in the same situation, or others who will reach out and "adopt" you into their family gatherings.


And although people say it so often it seems trite, the best way out of any situation that is making you sad or feel sorry for yourself is helping other people who are in a worse situation than you. So, in addition to considering volunteer work that will provide you some interaction with others and possibly even invites or sharing of holidays, be on the lookout for others in similar situations and invite them to holiday dinner with you.


I wouldn't cut contact with your brother, but just meet him where he is at and realize that what you are getting from his is likely all you will ever get unless something in his life changes. If it gives you pleasure, have a holiday dinner with him the night before. I would probably reach out to my nieces as well with no expectations.


Have you considered reaching out to any of your old friends? Is that a possibility?


Take care
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-04-2016, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Washington state
450 posts, read 547,402 times
Reputation: 643
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
Well I think she is just an incredibly SELFISH, INCONSIDERATE person, and the " only child who moved a lot" excuse is a bunch of C__P. Even only children who are spoiled usually grow up and become considerate of others. I'm sure it has nothing to do with anything being amiss with you.
I completely agree with this, I know people who are only children that aren't selfish or inconsiderate. On the other hand, my MIL sounds like your SIL and basically has encouraged my FIL to ditch us. Except my MIL is not an only child she has several siblings and grew up the spoilt youngest daughter!

Holidays are really hard when you have estranged or dysfunctional families, I completely get that because it is hard for us too. Your brother has been under SIL thumb for so long I wouldn't really confront him or her after all these years, I doubt any good will come of it. As another poster pointed out he seems to have allowed SIL to potentially boot him out of any home and may one day be headed for financial disaster.

When you retire, consider doing more volunteer work and perhaps moving to a retirement community where I think you will have an easier time finding other women your age to befriend.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2016, 07:35 AM
 
21,716 posts, read 12,777,266 times
Reputation: 36617
I think only children can be made to realize that they are not the center of the universe, but I believe it takes a concerted effort on the part of the parents, and being "special" by virtue of her father's position and wealth probably didn't help matters any. Not to impugn all "onlies."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2016, 10:56 AM
 
21,716 posts, read 12,777,266 times
Reputation: 36617
UPDATE: My niece posted a photo on Facebook (darn that Facebook again) of her mother's flea market booth; in it, I saw items offered for sale that I gave to both nieces when I emptied my mother's house. They didn't happen to be valuable or sentimental heirlooms, but I wouldn't be surprised if those have -- or will -- be sold for pennies, as well. I mentioned this to my brother, who said, "They are? Oh, that's too bad!" Technically, they now belong to them, so I suppose they can do as they like with them. (I'm trying to downsize, so I certainly don't need more stuff myself, but I had hoped they would be kept and appreciated.) Yet more evidence that I shouldn't be pining after these relationships.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2016, 12:16 PM
 
25,427 posts, read 9,747,465 times
Reputation: 15258
OP, I am so sorry for this situation. I know how hurtful it must be. I've been through similar with my only sibling. My SIL is very sweet tho. In my situation I think they are just clueless. There was a situation on a holiday a few years back, where for absolutely NO reason my brother decided not to come over after it was all planned. It was really kind of weird, the whole situation. I was extremely hurt, and even my sister-in-law and my nieces didn't understand why it happened. Anyway, we got past all that, but I still don't talk to them very often. We moved a few hours away too. But he's my only family I have left besides my husband, and I'd give anything if we were close. But we're not. *Sigh* I know in their own way they love me, and they're extremely busy with their lives so I work on going on with my life and seeing and talking with them when they have time. But I get the hurt, honey. I do. *Hugs*
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2016, 12:20 PM
 
21,716 posts, read 12,777,266 times
Reputation: 36617
You can't choose your family, and you SURE can't choose your family by marriage.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-21-2016, 12:04 PM
 
25,427 posts, read 9,747,465 times
Reputation: 15258
No, you can't OP. Families are difficult to navigate at times. The best we can do is try and move on with our lives and be with people who make us happy and do things that we enjoy doing. Wishing you all the best, dear.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-21-2016, 12:12 PM
 
16,715 posts, read 19,355,889 times
Reputation: 41482
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
UPDATE: My niece posted a photo on Facebook (darn that Facebook again) of her mother's flea market booth; in it, I saw items offered for sale that I gave to both nieces when I emptied my mother's house. They didn't happen to be valuable or sentimental heirlooms, but I wouldn't be surprised if those have -- or will -- be sold for pennies, as well. I mentioned this to my brother, who said, "They are? Oh, that's too bad!" Technically, they now belong to them, so I suppose they can do as they like with them. (I'm trying to downsize, so I certainly don't need more stuff myself, but I had hoped they would be kept and appreciated.) Yet more evidence that I shouldn't be pining after these relationships.

Well then why are you still on Facebook trolling their posts? Just block them from your social media AND your life.


They have shown you who they are. It is you who continues to let them aggravate you. Only you can change that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-21-2016, 02:09 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,574,545 times
Reputation: 36267
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondy View Post
Otterhere


I think you should reconsider connecting with other people until you move.


It also sounds like you could use some help dealing with the loss of your Mother. Can you find a bereavement group in your area........frequently hospitals and even some funeral homes run them.


Did you belong to any kind of support group for caregivers? If so go back, or even join one now. I'm sure you would be welcome to process issues you are dealing with a result of losing your role as caregiver.


You have another year of holidays. You might make connections and by talking about the connected issue of no family to celebrate with you may find others in the same situation, or others who will reach out and "adopt" you into their family gatherings.


And although people say it so often it seems trite, the best way out of any situation that is making you sad or feel sorry for yourself is helping other people who are in a worse situation than you. So, in addition to considering volunteer work that will provide you some interaction with others and possibly even invites or sharing of holidays, be on the lookout for others in similar situations and invite them to holiday dinner with you.


I wouldn't cut contact with your brother, but just meet him where he is at and realize that what you are getting from his is likely all you will ever get unless something in his life changes. If it gives you pleasure, have a holiday dinner with him the night before. I would probably reach out to my nieces as well with no expectations.


Have you considered reaching out to any of your old friends? Is that a possibility?


Take care

For the most part very good advice, especially about a bereavement support group.

OP, did you see this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
Well then why are you still on Facebook trolling their posts? Just block them from your social media AND your life.


They have shown you who they are. It is you who continues to let them aggravate you. Only you can change that.
Exactly, what good did it do other than upset the OP.

Maya Angelou said it best "when people show themselves to you believe them". They're telling you who they are, they're not going to be the people you want them to be. So you remove them from the equation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:16 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top