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It happens to me quite frequently: both online and in person. I don't know how to counteract it. Sometimes I wonder if people are trying to be manipulative and bring me down.
I notice that I am ignored when I voice my opinion on something in a negative way or disagree with someone which I kind of understand but then at the same time it's not allowing people to voice their opinions. I find that people are constantly misinterpreting what I am saying and that is exhausting and draining. It's tiring having to constantly explain what I mean. I normally give up talking.
Should I avoid group conversations?
Yes people tend to do that especially when you are new to the group that have known each other for a while. They will shun you especially when you are new & also start disagreeing with them right away. Try to agree with them until you build trust & then voice your opinions. Stay on safe topics like weather, entertainment, home maintenance & stay away from hot topics like politics, religion. I knew this guy who was always instigating people to take sides by starting controversial topics in a group. When people realized what he was doing, they avoided him. Focus on having fun & that's it. Controversial topics are for one-to-one discussion between trusted family/friends or a group of really close friends. If you think that people barely know will value your opinions & accept you no matter what, then you are wrong. There are very few people in the world who will love & respect you despite your differences with them. Rest are there just to fill the gaps when loved ones are not around & you have some free time to kill. Don't take them so seriously. Have no remorse in dumping them & moving on.
Most people are sheeple and only want others to validate and agree with them; there's also a rather Fascist "positivity" movement afoot in which any kind of critical thinking is seen as "negative" and treated like the plague. Keep being true to yourself, even if you're all alone...
It's not always negative. If we're having a debate I say what I think, alot of people have a filter which I do have to an extent but maybe not as much as other people.
I'm not saying i'm being mean just saying what other people are probably thinking.
You have a right to disagree with people. Sometimes it isn't someone necessarily being "negative", it's them being realistic. Maybe it may be time for you to find a new group of folks to engage conversation with, if that's how they're being. Maybe they aren't open to something different yet.
"If people are constantly misinterpreting what you're saying, maybe the problem is the way you're saying it. That doesn't mean you have to avoid conversations, but maybe you need to take a step back and look at the way you are presenting yourself, consider how it comes across, and make an effort to adjust. Maybe you need more tact or diplomacy"
This is one possibility. I also agree with Marc Paolella & otterhere.
I've made comments or asked questions in group meetings only to be stared at as though I suddenly appeared from outer space. Often I wasn't sure what the others in the group were thinking or IF they were thinking since their stares were so blank. Since I have always been rather shy in groups, I made sure I knew what I was talking about before I said anything.
More often than not, most people hadn't thought about what I was bringing up or didn't understand my comment as it pertained to the discussion. I tend to think a little differently than most it seems. But a good leader in a group like that will usually recognize the value of what is being said & your question will be answered or your comment discussed or you might be asked to "see me after the meeting.". Without a good leader, the pause in conversation will be brief & further predictable conversation will ensue.
I also tend to get interrupted and ran over when speaking in a group. Like jury duty. Or a church small group.
I now have a group of people I am with who actually listen and are attentive. It was such a new experience to me I nearly fell over. That one is a hard one to solve but it isn't necessarily you.
You have a right to disagree with people. Sometimes it isn't someone necessarily being "negative", it's them being realistic. Maybe it may be time for you to find a new group of folks to engage conversation with, if that's how they're being. Maybe they aren't open to something different yet.
This is actually something I found with mature adults since going to university. Before going to university it was easy for me to get into a debate without any problems but I have noticed that people are very judgemental in the area that I have moved to. Tbh that's something i've noticed with adults in general in the sense that they will judge someone on one negative thing that you have done and not let it go!
Last edited by Weatherguru; 04-01-2016 at 12:33 PM..
Most people are sheeple and only want others to validate and agree with them; there's also a rather Fascist "positivity" movement afoot in which any kind of critical thinking is seen as "negative" and treated like the plague. Keep being true to yourself, even if you're all alone...
Yeah. I have been finding that people in the area that I have moved do not like an alternative opinion or at least someone who disagrees with them.
Honestly, i'm not going out of my way to be mean but I don't see why I should pussyfoot around ADULTS; especially in a debate! It's not a debate if it's one sided! Another thing they do is ask me my opinion on their clothes etc and then get offended if I say that I don't like their clothes (I don't always say that), what do they expect!? Honestly!!
"If people are constantly misinterpreting what you're saying, maybe the problem is the way you're saying it. That doesn't mean you have to avoid conversations, but maybe you need to take a step back and look at the way you are presenting yourself, consider how it comes across, and make an effort to adjust. Maybe you need more tact or diplomacy"
This is one possibility. I also agree with Marc Paolella & otterhere.
I've made comments or asked questions in group meetings only to be stared at as though I suddenly appeared from outer space. Often I wasn't sure what the others in the group were thinking or IF they were thinking since their stares were so blank. Since I have always been rather shy in groups, I made sure I knew what I was talking about before I said anything.
More often than not, most people hadn't thought about what I was bringing up or didn't understand my comment as it pertained to the discussion. I tend to think a little differently than most it seems. But a good leader in a group like that will usually recognize the value of what is being said & your question will be answered or your comment discussed or you might be asked to "see me after the meeting.". Without a good leader, the pause in conversation will be brief & further predictable conversation will ensue.
Honestly I don't even think it's that. People in 2016 seem to be very sensitive! In many debates I have people always say "don't say that" etc as if I have to be nice and pretend that I agree with them! I refuse to have a debate and lie about my views just to be sensitive to people.
I have started to take a step back in all honesty and just not give my opinion. It only stresses me out and gets me in a foul mood! I don't know why people think that everyone should be sensitive and one sided in debates, the whole point of having a debate is to discuss the varies viewpoints! Obviously i'm not going to be mean but you know why would I lie?
Yes people tend to do that especially when you are new to the group that have known each other for a while. They will shun you especially when you are new & also start disagreeing with them right away. Try to agree with them until you build trust & then voice your opinions. Stay on safe topics like weather, entertainment, home maintenance & stay away from hot topics like politics, religion. I knew this guy who was always instigating people to take sides by starting controversial topics in a group. When people realized what he was doing, they avoided him. Focus on having fun & that's it. Controversial topics are for one-to-one discussion between trusted family/friends or a group of really close friends. If you think that people barely know will value your opinions & accept you no matter what, then you are wrong. There are very few people in the world who will love & respect you despite your differences with them. Rest are there just to fill the gaps when loved ones are not around & you have some free time to kill. Don't take them so seriously. Have no remorse in dumping them & moving on.
That's what i've been thinking too! Tbh I've joined clubs and societies where not every member has introduced themselves to me (can't be bothered) and it's really just plain rude. It's like "how dare you join our group!"
I have noticed that alot of society's are very cliquey like the high school mentality. I have stopped going after 2 or 3 times because I am not in the mood for that nonsense. I am 20 years old, I am done with that crap!
They always talk about other members in front of me and don't even say "oh that's such and such, they do this" which again is obviously sending out an unwelcoming signal. They don't even try to include new members in the conversation, we just sit there looking at each other thinking "wtf".
Last edited by Weatherguru; 04-01-2016 at 12:54 PM..
No you are saying what you are thinking only, you have no idea what other people are probably thinking.
You have not given good examples of the issue so no one here would even be able to give any sort of guess as to the alleged issue you are referring to.
Not always. Sometimes people will come to me and say "I have been thinking that for years but didn't have the guts to say it".
For example, my country gives out too much foreign aid - most of the population aren't happy about that but won't say it.
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