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My son is 22 and has a girlfriend of over a yr who is 21. they have a 4 month old baby. They knew eachother a few months before she got pregnant. Since that day, she has been so verbally abusive to my son, so as her mother. They constantly are dishonest. The last week has been the worse ever, and I need to know as a mother, what are my rights towards doing something legal at her. She was mad at him last week, cause he got a refund..gave her half (she doesn't work), and wants another 1,000. Her and her mother are yelling at him telling him to give it to her. My son has financially supported her and their daughter since day one, and occasionally got stuck helping her mother. She told him to make a choice..either his family or them. he loves his daughter so much so is torn. But, back to last week. Cause he would not give her the money, she grabbed his neck, her mother had to pull her off, which cause extremely swollen and red welt scratches on his neck. And then a few days ago, she was mad cause he wanted to visit his sick grandma. She thru his xbox outside, broke it, then repeatedly punched him in the chest, and head. We do have this recorded on his phone. And once he went over after the next day to see his daughter, he had found her new carseat in the dumpster, because she wants nothing from me. My son is so depressed. She has physically & mentally been abusing him, and he won't do anything cause of his daughter. Which I do tell him constantly that she does not need to be around this. I'm tired of seeing the depression, and marks on him from her. What can I do? PS. She has done sooooo much more than this, but didn't want to get into it..HELP
My son is 22 and has a girlfriend of over a yr who is 21. they have a 4 month old baby. They knew eachother a few months before she got pregnant. Since that day, she has been so verbally abusive to my son, so as her mother. They constantly are dishonest. The last week has been the worse ever, and I need to know as a mother, what are my rights towards doing something legal at her. She was mad at him last week, cause he got a refund..gave her half (she doesn't work), and wants another 1,000. Her and her mother are yelling at him telling him to give it to her. My son has financially supported her and their daughter since day one, and occasionally got stuck helping her mother. She told him to make a choice..either his family or them. he loves his daughter so much so is torn. But, back to last week. Cause he would not give her the money, she grabbed his neck, her mother had to pull her off, which cause extremely swollen and red welt scratches on his neck. And then a few days ago, she was mad cause he wanted to visit his sick grandma. She thru his xbox outside, broke it, then repeatedly punched him in the chest, and head. We do have this recorded on his phone. And once he went over after the next day to see his daughter, he had found her new carseat in the dumpster, because she wants nothing from me. My son is so depressed. She has physically & mentally been abusing him, and he won't do anything cause of his daughter. Which I do tell him constantly that she does not need to be around this. I'm tired of seeing the depression, and marks on him from her. What can I do? PS. She has done sooooo much more than this, but didn't want to get into it..HELP
I think your son needs legal help. He should see a family law attorney, at the very least. Also, when she attacks him, he should call the cops. If he should ever become angry after being attacked, and he were to strike her, he would be in serious trouble. The only way he can protect himself, is by creating a legal trail of her physical attacks.
But, he needs to know his rights, and for that he needs an attorney.
This is clearly domestic abuse! He needs to be the one to stand up to her and leave the relationship for his own sake. I think that the most drastic thing that you can do is threaten to take custody of the child or push your son to file for full custody since he is financially supporting them anyway. Full custody will guarantee that 1)he will only see her on court dates and visitation 2) interaction will be limited 3) she will no longer be a threat to the child. He could even put an order of protection against her (do this after custody so that he can see the child).
If she is abusing him there is no doubt in my mind that she will eventually abuse the child because it may look like the dad. Help him but know that he must make the move to stop being battered by her.
Have you discussed this with him? He may feel trapped because he doesn't want to leave his daughter. Sit him down and let him know that this isn't normal or health for him or his daughter. Explain to him no matter what you will be there for him. He needs to know he has a safe place in you.
Discuss an exit strategy with him. How to move out and get custody of his daughter. He needs to get a lawyer and therapy. Call a domestic abuse hotline in your area for further support and ideas. He is in a tough battle.
What can you do? Nothing, beyond counseling your son to do something.
What can your son do? He can press charges for physical assault. He can move out (I assume they live together?) and file for custody or visitation rights for his daughter. The flip side is he will have to pay her child support unless he gets custody.
Having the assault incidents documented could go a long way towards him being awarded physical custody.
When she attacks him, he should go to the emergency room or to his doctor, and get evaluated, to start a paper trail. Or at the very least, have a friend photograph the damage.
This is a strong lesson about the value of men using birth control no matter what the woman says she is doing in that regard. The pill fails, it's not foolproof. Or women secretly stop taking it.
So sorry to hear this happened, but as others have said, he needs a lawyer. And he needs to document the physical abuse incidents. Also, if she destroys any more of his property, he should photograph that, too. And not let her near his cell phone or camera to delete the photos.
How many other things in your sons life as an adult have you tried to help him with? My instinct says there have been many times you have tried to bail him out of situations, which is why he is unable to bail himself out of the situation now and the reason he got in it in the first place.
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