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This might sound petty. But I really need advice. I'm trying to raise my daugter to be respectful and have manners. One of which is celebrating other people, as in birthdays. My niece is a different story. The kid is sweet but she is constantly in the center of attention. She helps blow out candles for everyone and is in all of the birthday pictures when it is not her party. During parties they already want my daughter to "help" but it annoys me so bad. I want her to be able to celebrate other people and not feel like she has to be the center of attention all the time. How can I tell my sister in law this with out hurting/offending her and basically saying her daughter is a brat? Thanks!
Your sister-in-law gets to raise her daughter as she decides. You get to raise your daughter as you decide. You don't need to tell your sister-in-law anything.
Before the next birthday talk to your daughter ahead of time and remind her of what you consider appropriate behavior. When it's time to blow out candles call your daughter over. There is a way to do this without making it into a big scene--e.g. just say she wants to watch, not to help.
This might sound petty. But I really need advice. I'm trying to raise my daugter to be respectful and have manners. One of which is celebrating other people, as in birthdays. My niece is a different story. The kid is sweet but she is constantly in the center of attention. Shehelps blow out candles for everyone and is in all of the birthday pictures when it is not her party. During parties they already want my daughter to "help" but it annoys me so bad. I want her to be able to celebrate other people and not feel like she has to be the center of attention all the time. How can I tell my sister in law this with out hurting/offending her and basically saying her daughter is a brat? Thanks!
Part of this may depend on age. if your niece is three years old it may be impossible for her to "step back" and let the birthday girl shine. Now if your niece is nine years old she should know that the spotlight belongs on the birthday girl/boy.
Also, think of "my house, my rules" and "your house, your rules". Obviously, at your brother's house they encourage everyone to blow out the candles. Some families do it that way (especially for very young children) and others do not.
Perhaps, when it is your daughter's birthday (and your birthday & your husband's birthday) announce to the crowd. "Remember, at our house, we let the person having the birthday blow out the candles on their cake". That does not have to awkward, you are just stating a fact.
How old is your daughter? Has she started to attend birthday parties of classmates and friends? When you daughter starts to do that you will find that there are many different "family traditions" that she will need to adapt to at family birthday parties.
I am more concerned about your comment about your sister-in-law's daughter being a brat. Isn't your niece your brother's child, too! Why don't you talk to him?
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-20-2016 at 07:32 AM..
Your sister-in-law gets to raise her daughter as she decides. You get to raise your daughter as you decide. You don't need to tell your sister-in-law anything.
Before the next birthday talk to your daughter ahead of time and remind her of what you consider appropriate behavior. When it's time to blow out candles call your daughter over. There is a way to do this without making it into a big scene--e.g. just say she wants to watch, not to help.
This.
Some things are better left unsaid, especially when it comes to telling another woman how to raise her children.
Say nothing to your sister in law, you are not mother to her daughter. Your daughter needs to learn from your example. She also needs to learn that there will be people in her life that think the world revolves around them and how to deal with it. You can't teach her by asking others to change their way just for your daughter
This might sound petty. But I really need advice. I'm trying to raise my daugter to be respectful and have manners. One of which is celebrating other people, as in birthdays. My niece is a different story. The kid is sweet but she is constantly in the center of attention. She helps blow out candles for everyone and is in all of the birthday pictures when it is not her party. During parties they already want my daughter to "help" but it annoys me so bad. I want her to be able to celebrate other people and not feel like she has to be the center of attention all the time. How can I tell my sister in law this with out hurting/offending her and basically saying her daughter is a brat? Thanks!
My sister and her son was the same way. The 5th birthday, I've already instructed my daughter that if she wants "help", fine; if not, she's free to say no (and that she shouldn't be made to feel guilty, etc). My nephew "asked" (mind you, it wasn't really asking, but no one could convince my sister otherwise) just before she was about to blow. He got a polite no... Then a huge tantrum ensues. I told my sister to remove her son and leave if she must; she was already feeling self-conscious from the negative attention and looks from everyone.
I would not indulge the request. I would not allow them to put my daughter on the spot and make her feel obligated. There is nothing wrong with saying no, but there is everything wrong with trying to make a person feel guilty for saying no. Take a picture of your daughter just before blowing the candles (and tell niece to back off and to stand aside).
You don't have to say anything. You also don't have to bring or raise your child around people you think are not beneficial to how YOU want to raise your child, regardless if they are family or not.
Your sister-in-law gets to raise her daughter as she decides. You get to raise your daughter as you decide. You don't need to tell your sister-in-law anything.
Before the next birthday talk to your daughter ahead of time and remind her of what you consider appropriate behavior. When it's time to blow out candles call your daughter over. There is a way to do this without making it into a big scene--e.g. just say she wants to watch, not to help.
^^^^ Best answer.
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