Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm trying to do the same with a friend who lives 400 miles away, although the circumstances are quite different from yours. She has called me and left messages wanting to "catch up" which I don't answer, but may respond to her by email a few days later saying hi, I've been so busy with ____ and hope all is well with you. (She waits a few weeks and then keeps calling.)
I just really have never liked talking to her on the phone. For a long time I didn't used to hear from her by phone and this "calling to chat" thing seems to have sprung up anew. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was when she asked to visit (like use my apartment as a hotel) while she came to my city to attend an event. I said no with a made-up excuse the first time, and magically the date of the event changed so she could say, Oh, I'm not coming for that event (the opening), I'm coming for the closing instead.
When that happened I felt she had done that on purpose, but at the same time I felt I couldn't use the same excuse twice and I relented (I don't really have room for guests and work freelance out of my one bedroom apartment so having a guest is difficult for me, which she knows). It was after she was here for two days and nights that she casually mentioned that her brother lives nearby my place, alone in a large 2+ bedroom apartment. I was upset that she had imposed on me when he had plenty of room and could have hosted her instead.
Then finally as she was leaving she says (in annoying baby talk) "You're my B e S t friend" which is so weird to me since she lives 400 miles away and she is not remotely my best friend.
Anyway, I am sorry to hijack your thread with my story. Guess I just needed to vent about a similar situation and that I empathize with having to go through the process.
Keep it light and don't get too personal. No reason to make a big thing about not wanting to be friends anymore. It will probably run it's course and you two will go your separate ways in due course without having to say anything mean to one another.
I've had friendships like this and believe me, it's better to not say anything and just move on. You may feel guilty if you say something mean and there is no need for that.
Keep it light and don't get too personal. No reason to make a big thing about not wanting to be friends anymore. It will probably run it's course and you two will go your separate ways in due course without having to say anything mean to one another.
I've had friendships like this and believe me, it's better to not say anything and just move on. You may feel guilty if you say something mean and there is no need for that.
I agree that there is no reason to make a big deal about not wanting to be friends, but I would tell her upfront that you think the friendship has run its course and that you no longer want to stay in contact with her. No need to feel guilty about saying something mean! There's no reason to be mean at all. You can just be honest, and still remain pleasant. Also, as others have said, there is nothing wrong with spacing out your communications with someone and letting the friendship die a natural death. My advice in this particular instance though, is to tell her upfront.
The reason I think you should tell her upfront is because you mentioned that she was worried about you when she hadn't heard from you and was wishing that she had a phone number of a relative so that she could make sure you were okay. She sounds like the type of person who would be very hurt and confused about you slowly dropping her and she has no idea why. She's probably also going to be hurt when you tell her upfront, but at least she will know and understand what's going on.
At the same time, I am curious about why you feel like you need to end the friendship. Is it all that hard to communicate with her and just not interact all that often? I don't understand when people do this and can't maintain a civil, but distant relationship with another person. You don't have to make time to chit-chat on the phone or anything, but what's wrong with just saying that you don't feel like talking and get off of the phone?
You don't need to mention that the relationship has run its course, or say anything that will make her feel bad.
Just take longer to respond to her calls/emails, and keep your communications short and less informative. Make yourself boring and uninteresting. She will get the hint eventually, and the relationship will have a natural death.
It's never a good thing to be blunt and hurtful to others who don't mean you any harm.
Call her more and either tell her all about your church and how you want her to join it, or maybe that you are selling Amway and want her to buy it. Bug the heck out of her with one or the other. Send her emails about it, text her about it. I think that is one of the fastest ways to get rid of someone.
Wow why does it have to be all or nothing? I have a lot of friends here on City Data that I may never meet, yet I enjoy talking to them immensely. I have met some and it's been a wonderful experience. There are many more I hope to meet someday.
It seems kind of cold to say that you are insignificant to me now and I don't want to talk to you anymore. Lives change, circumstances change and you may indeed meet some day.
I mean really how long does it take to send an e-mail? I could never just say go away to someone without a little bit better reason then I don't want to send you an e-mail.
It's a different story when you walk away from toxic people, quite another when you walk away for something so insignificant.
People are not play things you just toss aside out of laziness or what may be a temporary lull in the friendship.
Think long and hard before you hurt some one's feelings like that.
she said she was getting worried and wished she had a relatives phone number so she could see if I wasn't dead. Then she sent a cute "I miss you" kitten card. At that point I responded and just said I had been busy.
That's just creepy. You do realize you are letting her hold you hostage, right?
Just stop emailing her back. She doesn't have any way to contact you so eventually she will get the picture.
Have a major blow-out with her to where she think you're freaking nuts.
Take offense to the most non-sensical things she says. Be combative, selfish, and racist. Tell her you've become a lesbian and have romantic feelings toward her and then 2 days later pretend you're in a fight with her for not wanting to be romantically involved with you.... Tell her u think her husband and kids are losers and that you would make a better husband. Just make her hate you.
Wow why does it have to be all or nothing? I have a lot of friends here on City Data that I may never meet, yet I enjoy talking to them immensely. I have met some and it's been a wonderful experience. There are many more I hope to meet someday.
It seems kind of cold to say that you are insignificant to me now and I don't want to talk to you anymore. Lives change, circumstances change and you may indeed meet some day.
I mean really how long does it take to send an e-mail? I could never just say go away to someone without a little bit better reason then I don't want to send you an e-mail.
It's a different story when you walk away from toxic people, quite another when you walk away for something so insignificant.
People are not play things you just toss aside out of laziness or what may be a temporary lull in the friendship.
Think long and hard before you hurt some one's feelings like that.
Exactly, how much effort does it take to send a quick email?
And the OP sounds "put out" that this person got concerned when she didn't hear from the OP. Well things do happen to people. What was she supposed to think? All of a sudden you don't hear from someone you are going to wonder are they OK?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
