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[quote=Recovering_shygirl;43805420]I do hang out with my few friends at least once a month in addition to impromptu get-togethers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
Because originally you said you were hurt because it seemed your mother didn't want to talk to you as frequently as before. It still seemed pretty darned frequent to most of us.
I'm happy for you that you have an independent life and a career, as well as friends of your own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
People meant emotionally dependent, not dependent in the sense that you live off of her. Anyway, good luck!
I see what ya'll mean! My family has been the most stable relationship thus far. Friends usually come and go for me. I've come to realize that family is what most important. However, I do understand the need to build close relationships with other people too.
I do hang out with my few friends at least once a month in addition to impromptu get-togethers.
I see what ya'll mean! My family has been the most stable relationship thus far. Friends usually come and go for me. I've come to realize that family is what most important. However, I do understand the need to build close relationships with other people too.
It's great that you have a good relationship with your mother. I do, too. But she has complained to me when another sister calls her all the time and she can't get her off the phone lol.
OP, you are very lucky to have a parent who cares enough to want to talk to you sometimes!
When I moved out my dad and sister pretty much just stopped talking to me. It's been almost a year now and they have maybe called me twice put together. I am always the one who has to text them. They give me one word answers like "cool." I think about them all the time and I seriously doubt they even remember who I am now. I want to visit them (I am a few states away) but their schedule seems to be full all the time (work, bf/gf, friends) so I can come for a few days at most out of the year. My dad even took a trip to Tennessee (state I live in) but he was on the other side and had no intention on visiting me.
Sorry, didn't mean to make it all about me. The point is that I completely understand, it hurts so much to care deeply about your family members and they take you for granted. Every time I hear the country song "that's my job" I just cry. I just hope your mom doesn't seem to put on an act just to please you. I think she genuinely cares but she might just be a bit busy for the moment. Just be glad she doesn't snub you for months!
OP, you are very lucky to have a parent who cares enough to want to talk to you sometimes!
When I moved out my dad and sister pretty much just stopped talking to me. It's been almost a year now and they have maybe called me twice put together. I am always the one who has to text them. They give me one word answers like "cool." I think about them all the time and I seriously doubt they even remember who I am now. I want to visit them (I am a few states away) but their schedule seems to be full all the time (work, bf/gf, friends) so I can come for a few days at most out of the year. My dad even took a trip to Tennessee (state I live in) but he was on the other side and had no intention on visiting me.
Sorry, didn't mean to make it all about me. The point is that I completely understand, it hurts so much to care deeply about your family members and they take you for granted. Every time I hear the country song "that's my job" I just cry. I just hope your mom doesn't seem to put on an act just to please you. I think she genuinely cares but she might just be a bit busy for the moment. Just be glad she doesn't snub you for months!
Wow! That would hurt me so much. It always seems that the burden is on the person who moved to keep in touch. Its unfair to be treated that way. Have u brought this up with your family? Its so easy to get caught up your routine. Unfortunately for most people its "out of sight, out of mind". I've been calling my mom less since last week. We text every other day. I'll see her this weekend for Mothers Day.
I agree with your analysis, the "out of sight out of mind" thing is probably true. My dad and sister think completely different than I do. They like to party and hang out with friends, and find tons of things to fill up their schedule. I'm pretty busy with work myself nowadays, but I have trouble making friends so family is what I have. When I travel I think, "my dad would love to ride his motorcycle here! He would really enjoy this restaurant! I'm going to take him there someday when he visits!" The sad part is, I feel like they don't think about me for months.
I am so glad you have a pretty good relationship with your mom. I can tell she really cares. I have a good relationship with mine as well, my mom and I think alike and my sister and my dad think alike. I think it's that they can't relate to me and vice versa that might make a relationship so hard. But it's worked for years until I moved away. I think it's a whole host of other issues too that I don't fully understand which is why this is so frustrating.
Thanks for letting me vent on your post! Have a great Mother's Day!
Yeah, this thread pretty much echoes what happens after people move away from their parents' home - which is not a bad thing, by any means.
I'm probably older than most of the other posters on here (40's), and 20 years ago I moved halfway across the country from my family & the area where I grew up - for work. Since then, I have kept in touch with my family on a semi-regular basis, but don't see them that often.
I don't have any kids, but IMHO my strong impression is that most parents want their kids to be independent (both financially & otherwise) from them. So, it's a good thing if you move away from home & start your own life somewhere else.
And, I think it's perfectly natural to keep in touch much less with family if you're not living at home, and especially if you're not still living in the area where your parents live....out of sight, out of mind (as the saying goes).
Just my .02.
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 05-06-2016 at 05:52 PM..
You are 30...maybe its time to really start investing in your romantic life? Thats my first thought.
But also, I think there is a change in talking to your mom in your 20s, and then in your 30s. In your 20s there tends to still be a lot you might want feed back from your mom on. Lots of new adventures to share. Mom's feel useful still. But around 30, that changes. You have your routines, you are a full fledged adult, you have a life of your own. I think often calls get less frequent and often shorter. You mom might be taking the lead on this change.
Another thought is that your mom might worry she is unintentionally pressuring you into calling so she is pulling back to make sure you get your space.
I have boys in their 20s and we text mostly. But they are very busy so its easier for them. And I don't enjoy talking on the phone. We also keep in contact through social media.
I understand how you feel. I am envious of people who have overbearing, constantly calling, constantly giving advice mothers-haha- because my own mother is the opposite. I do not live near her and my mother does not like to talk on the phone, so we have grown apart.
Try to come to terms with the fact that your mother is like this. It doesn't mean she doesn't care, it's just who she is. Try to find other people in your life who do like to talk, give advice, etc.
Sometimes you have to be your own mother. When you have an issue you want to discuss with your Mom, have a little talk with yourself instead. My Mother was never close with her own mother. I always found that so strange. Now, when my niece calls me with a problem, I listen to her, offer advice and talk to her for as long as she wants to talk. Breaking the cycle!
You are 30...maybe its time to really start investing in your romantic life? Thats my first thought.
Believe me, if she's not already in a relationship, getting into one that will probably end up badly is not going to solve any issues - if anything, it will create more problems & she'll want to talk to her mother even more.
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 05-08-2016 at 10:55 PM..
My kids that are 29-32 ( 3 of them- boys ) call only when something is going on I need to know about . I live 2500 miles away and I am confident thay can make it on their own . Plus they all have families and work to tend to .
My 23 year old son is an RN in the Navy so he will call every so often or message me on Fb when he is home
22 year old daughter texts me 2-3 times a week . Mainly send me pics of her 2 year old and says silly, funny things to me I don't have to answer ,, I do the same to her .
My 15 yr old is a little goth gal so she doesn't speak much at all !
My mom is dead but we would go weeks without phoning , I lived in Europe and she in the Caymans or somewhere unusual, my sister in Hong Kong .. we were all really independent . As long as it wasn't the cops calling about one of us us at 3 am we were /are good . .
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