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I am so upset, this girl from my church who I thought was my friend had a ladies night get together and posted pictures on FB, and when I asked what it was for and if it was dress shopping she said "No. We were hanging out. And you dont need to be at every social thing I do, ok? Im sorry, but no." What the heck? She hasnt ever invited me to a single social thing shes done, ever. And then I said well sorry for asking I just felt excluded. She said theres no reason you should have felt excluded. But isnt that what you just did? And then to follow it up with an exclusive remark of I dont need to be at every social event you do. Wth?
I am so upset, this girl from my church who I thought was my friend had a ladies night get together and posted pictures on FB, and when I asked what it was for and if it was dress shopping she said "No. We were hanging out. And you dont need to be at every social thing I do, ok? Im sorry, but no." What the heck? She hasnt ever invited me to a single social thing shes done, ever. And then I said well sorry for asking I just felt excluded. She said theres no reason you should have felt excluded. But isnt that what you just did? And then to follow it up with an exclusive remark of I dont need to be at every social event you do. Wth?
There has to be more to this story than meets the eye. Friction from prior conversations? No shared common interests from her perspective? Can you jog your memory and recall anything that could have contributed to this?
She isn't the friend you thought she was. From what she said, it sounds like she was very annoyed that you even asked about the pictures and the sushi. Since she has not extended any invitations to you for socializing, it is probably fair to assume that you are more like acquaintances than friends. Sorry she was so rude to you, but you should probably forget this "friend".
She doesn't like you. She doesn't want to socialize with you. Leave her alone or you will continue to frustrate yourself, annoy her, and become someone that no one wants to be around.
I'm sorry dear one but I think the problem lies with you as well. There is always going to be someone in our lives that will not like you. Deserved or not.
Stop trying to beat a dead horse. Move on and find someone you can relate to. Why waste time and energy on someone you can count on to be mean to you? Life is too short.
I am so upset, this girl from my church who I thought was my friend had a ladies night get together and posted pictures on FB, and when I asked what it was for and if it was dress shopping she said "No. We were hanging out. And you dont need to be at every social thing I do, ok? Im sorry, but no." What the heck? She hasnt ever invited me to a single social thing shes done, ever. And then I said well sorry for asking I just felt excluded. She said theres no reason you should have felt excluded. But isnt that what you just did? And then to follow it up with an exclusive remark of I dont need to be at every social event you do. Wth?
That's the kind of thing someone says to someone who has really been getting on one's nerves, being too clingy, having expectations of automatic inclusion. One says that to someone who is wearing one out and needs the precedent set that inclusion is not automatic.
Your reaction explains her action. She expected you to complain. If you hadn't, she'd have perhaps felt a little badly. Since you did, in her eyes, it proved her point: that ashasha thinks inclusion is her moral right, and will complain if she doesn't get it, and needs to be pushed back a distance. That usually happens when someone is clingy and drives someone nuts.
The fact that you don't understand this, and need it explained here, suggests that you have a hard time with social cues. I empathize; so do I. I have to work hard on that in life. Your life would improve if you did the same, I'm guessing.
And lastly, you're throwing around the term 'friend' too casually, just my opinion. The guy who flew from the Bahamas to be my best man, who one time had an accident on our futon and I just cleaned it up and never mentioned it again, who I'd want here to help my wife if I croaked? That's a friend. Some gal you know from church probably hasn't had time or opportunity to prove what a friend she is. She's just some gal you know from church who was polite to you, and evidently, whose courtesy you mistook for a desire for a close relationship. Live and learn: sometimes people are just being gracious and polite, and it just means they are not tactless or brutal. It doesn't mean they want to be best pal.
What she said is true. You don't invite every friend you have to every party you throw. Asking why you weren't invited in most circumstances like this is rude.
There is more to this story - there just has to be.
From her statement, it sounds like perhaps you've tried to get invited to her social events before? For me to say what she said, it would involve someone frequently trying to get invited to stuff I was planning and not taking any hints about the situation.
She is not your friend - she might have been friendly to you in the past, but that is not the same thing. She doesn't want to hang out with you. I'm sorry to be harsh, but it seems like she was being clear - her "you had no reason to feel excluded" comment means that you had no reason to feel excluded because you had no reason to feel that you should have been included in the first place.
There are plenty of people in the world who would probably like to be your friend, and she's not one of them - so go meet the other people.
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