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I think with age and experience comes cynicism. For example when I go to a wedding part of me is thinking "I wonder how long THIS will last" or when I see a pregnant woman I'm thinking "you have no idea what your life will be like from now on".
It's not because I think marriage and parenthood is terribly awful but we all know how high the divorce rate is and if we are parents we know that having kids changes your life completely and not always for the better.
We trust our politicians less and become cynical about the whole process because we have seen the corruption and know that most politicians only say what the people want to hear.
For those who are over 40 or 50 and not cynical good for you.
I've developed a more negative outlook in the last few years, my late 30's. For me I don't think it's a natural part of growing older and more experienced, because I've always been able to see the good in people until recently.
What has changed my outlook is dealing with my aging parents and realizing how much my mother is willing to take advantage of me, even when it's harmful to my health or to my children. And once I realized that, I looked back over my memories of my life and realized what a selfish, negative presence my mom has always been in my life. I watch her hoarding her money rather than paying for care for my dad, when he worked his whole life and saved money to make sure he'd be taken care of in his old age. I tried to help care for him, because my mom is always willing and eager to accept (or demand) free help. I almost died taking care of them while my mom was sick, because she wouldn't let me leave them alone or hire some help for a couple of hours so I could see a doctor...by the time my sister drove across the country to stay with them, I ended up in critical condition and had to have transfusions. Last summer I was going over once a week for 9 hours to help out around their house, but I hurt my back trying to keep my dad from running into a busy street, and hurt my foot chasing him around because he won't sit for more than a minute and he pees everywhere (wears a brief but he pulls it down and goes in cupboards, on the couch, on the dog, etc). And more recently my father has started chasing my youngest daughter around the house and raising his fists like he's going to hit her, and screaming really mean things at both of my kids, and my mom acts like my kids are crazy or overreacting when they're scared to come out of their bedrooms while my parents are visiting (which my mom wants to do several times a week). So I haven't let them come over for several months, and I've felt guilty and very depressed, even though I am doing what I need to in order to protect my kids.
And it's changing the way I look at life in general. The only people I like and want to spend time with right now are my husband and my kids.
I am very sorry for all the trouble you're experiencing, your family is lucky to have a person like you who will do everything to help-please take care of yourself and know that you are indeed an incredible, special, and amazing person!!
I've developed a more negative outlook in the last few years, my late 30's. For me I don't think it's a natural part of growing older and more experienced, because I've always been able to see the good in people until recently.
What has changed my outlook is dealing with my aging parents and realizing how much my mother is willing to take advantage of me, even when it's harmful to my health or to my children. And once I realized that, I looked back over my memories of my life and realized what a selfish, negative presence my mom has always been in my life. I watch her hoarding her money rather than paying for care for my dad, when he worked his whole life and saved money to make sure he'd be taken care of in his old age. I tried to help care for him, because my mom is always willing and eager to accept (or demand) free help. I almost died taking care of them while my mom was sick, because she wouldn't let me leave them alone or hire some help for a couple of hours so I could see a doctor...by the time my sister drove across the country to stay with them, I ended up in critical condition and had to have transfusions. Last summer I was going over once a week for 9 hours to help out around their house, but I hurt my back trying to keep my dad from running into a busy street, and hurt my foot chasing him around because he won't sit for more than a minute and he pees everywhere (wears a brief but he pulls it down and goes in cupboards, on the couch, on the dog, etc). And more recently my father has started chasing my youngest daughter around the house and raising his fists like he's going to hit her, and screaming really mean things at both of my kids, and my mom acts like my kids are crazy or overreacting when they're scared to come out of their bedrooms while my parents are visiting (which my mom wants to do several times a week). So I haven't let them come over for several months, and I've felt guilty and very depressed, even though I am doing what I need to in order to protect my kids.
And it's changing the way I look at life in general. The only people I like and want to spend time with right now are my husband and my kids.
That's your own fault for letting people treat you poorly. No one is forcing you to keep all these negative people who manipulate you and your life.
Sometimes when it is family you don't have a lot of choice.
We always have a choice. There is no law saying that you must help people or be involved in their lives when they treat you like crap and manipulate you. Doing that is a choice.
Family is no different in this regard. Continuing to interact with people who treat you poorly is simply codependence and enabling behavior.
Life is what you make it. You're young yet - and I do think you are expressing some depression. Perhaps you have not achieved what you thought you would have by now - financially, professionally, or perhaps personally. Life is a careful dance - one misstep can change so many things. You will continue to mature (by that I mean to gain wisdom!) and the road ahead will even out. Quit looking at what everyone else is doing and how they are reacting and learn to focus on YOU and what you want to accomplish in your own life.
We're here for such a short time - I encourage you to talk to someone you trust and figure out a plan to help you get out of this funk you seem to be in. If you are depressed - please see your doctor and get some meds (they really do help!) and see how much better the world will seem to you. Your parents would probably be hurt to know you think of them as a burden or a liability that you are probably dreading dealing with in the future. Stop that thinking and appreciate the time you have with them. Trust me, they won't be here forever. Enjoy them while you can.
Bottom line - you CHOOSE to be cynical or not. It doesn't just drop out of the sky like a mist - you choose to be happy or not. Up to you. I do hope you choose wisely - you truly have some wonderful years ahead of you. I wish you the best of luck.
I have just become much more negative in general, I am still friendly most of the time-but find that I have a very bitter outlook andview other people as self serving and reckless. I am wondering if anyone else noticed a shift like this in their overall mood once they hit their thirties..is this normal or am I depressed?
Absolutely. I'm 41, almost 42, and over the years, I have become very cynical, about people and about life. I definitely feel people in general are self-serving, and I hate the thought of having to rely on anyone for anything. I have come to learn that you really only have yourself to rely on. Also, at this point in my life, I have a jaded outlook on life. There are certain things in my life that are just beyond my control, and I recognize that there's nothing that I can do about them. As the saying goes, "s%@# happens in life".
I don't think I'd call my out look cynical, maybe more realistic. I know there are people out there that can be rectums and make your life miserable, but I have the power to not allow it.
I won't be cynical as I leave my 50's next year. I'll do my best to make the best of it after I drink my myself into a stupor with my besties I might hate myself in the morning though. Cynical? Nah. Life is fun. People make it better if you know who to let into the inner sanctum and who to keep at arms length.
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I might hate myself in the morning though. Cynical? Nah. Life is fun. People make it better if you know who to let into the inner sanctum and who to keep at arms length.
