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Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,337,447 times
Reputation: 9913
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At Mocha, I just re-read the chain of posts and I do apologize for not getting it quite right. For that I am sorry
The low self worth, I do have to agree with. That again starts from an early age and is a product of an unhealthy relationship with a parent or parents. Again that all goes to these run in circles. It gets passed along from generation to generation. Until one is ready and willing to break that chain of circles, it shall continue on..and on....and on. Until someone finally does break the chain.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,337,447 times
Reputation: 9913
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms. Tarabotti
I don't think that single moms get shafted on Mother's Day. They have children who should be celebrating them.
Your oldest is 12, right? That means that she should know what Mother's Day is about. If she is old enough to drive a tractor, she is old enough to (a) make you breakfast on Mother's Day along with her brother. It doesn't have to be fancy-if all they can make is toast and juice, so be it. and (b) buy or make you a Mother's Day card, again with her brothers help.
Have you told them that you would like to do something special on Mother's Day? It could be something simple as taking a walk or just watching a movie together. I don't understand how your children can watch you and your brother honor your mother on Mother's Day and not want to honor you on that day as well. Or are they privy to your being upset at having to do all these things for your mother and think that you won't appreciate anything done for you?
Wait I never said my kids won't make the little hand made cards. They do.
My daughter went to the grocery store this past weekend with my boyfriend because I was sick and she picked up flowers for me. My kids are thoughtful but they have limited means as they are kids. It should not fall squarely on them to plan a celebration for me.
LOL! You think someone should plan a "celebration" for you? For Mother's Day?
Good grief. A card from your kids and a "Happy Mothers Day!" greeting is plenty. Not sure why you feel that a celebration is in order. As for the nonsense you are allowing with your own mom, that's ridiculous. Send her some flowers and be done with it. Clearly there's not much of a relationship there.
I don't have kids yet. I think I want to have kids, but sometimes I am not sure because having kids is the biggest decision of my life and it's a decision I will have to take ownership of for the rest of my life. Every single day no matter what. By choosing to have kids I'll have to accept things may not work out with their father. Maybe I'll end up a single mom. Their father could walk out, he could die, who knows. Life is full of the unexpected. Maybe my kids won't like me, maybe they'll grow up and move away and never speak to me again.
All of your posts have the same resentful theme about them. I'm sorry that you're a single mom, you can't find a decent guy, your life is not working out the way you think it should. But that's life. You can make the best of it, or you can spend it being bitter and resentful.
Vanillachocolate- I am not autistic, have no mental issues and actually have a high self esteem.
If anything is astray, I need to stop being a people pleaser.
Wanting to be married is not a sign of mental illness. Marriage is a normal course of action in life.
And I am not looking to change me and how I live my life. I am good with me. So yes I will ignore your "advice" requesting I change me. I am not interested in changing myself. If I ask advice, it is specifically on how I can deal with the specific issue at hand. Like why does Mother's Day have to be dictated by my mother. I am a mother also...
I became a widow at a fairly young age. Our kids were only 9 and 13. So I helped them celebrate. I gave each of them $20 and took them to the store to buy me a gift or whatever they wanted. They could buy individually or pool their money for something better. They also knew how to make eggs and toast, etc. at that age. So as they got older, they know HOW to celebrate mother's day and I now get breakfast in bed and normally a few extra chores for my day. I'm good with that. We also normally go out to dinner.
Vanillachocolate- I am not autistic, have no mental issues and actually have a high self esteem.
If anything is astray, I need to stop being a people pleaser.
Wanting to be married is not a sign of mental illness. Marriage is a normal course of action in life.
And I am not looking to change me and how I live my life. I am good with me. So yes I will ignore your "advice" requesting I change me. I am not interested in changing myself. If I ask advice, it is specifically on how I can deal with the specific issue at hand. Like why does Mother's Day have to be dictated by my mother. I am a mother also...
It doesn't have to be. But every action has consequences. You seem unwilling to deal with the consequences, so you continue to do what your mother wants. You also seem to want everyone to just know what to do to please you. Again, it is your choice not to ask for what you want. It may be hard to ask for what you want, but nothing is stopping you but you. So you can complain all you want, but you have the power to change things and are choosing not to.
For YEARS my husband has been making my "favorite" breakfast for me for Mother's Day. Now my kids help, too. They work hard to make it as perfect as possible. Except that I really don't like it. I could say something--but they are so sweet and so earnest, I don't have the heart to. So my CHOICE means I choke down a breakfast that makes me gag. And I do not complain about it (this is not a complaint, really!). I could have told him the first time he made it. But I didn't, and now I don't want to. It will eventually fade away. I hope!
And if you say you are not interested in changing yourself, why insist that others do? I mean, that's what you're doing, in essence. You're asking everyone else to do a 180 & behave differently. Why shouldn't you change, too? You can only control yourself, and by changing how you behave, you influence others and the can change what happens. If you aren't willing to budge, it's hypocritical to think others should.
Putting aside the fact that Asperger's Syndrome is no longer considered a valid diagnosis, much of your post describes you. You have been told that it's rude and inappropriate to claim to be able to diagnose someone from as post as being autistic and to use it as an insult, yet you continue to do so. Please stop.
It's not just me. I am not putting down OP. Just stating she may need outside help, such as a professional to speak to. Many people on the forums have suggested therapy. So she has some issue that needs to be looked into with how she seems to be totally unaware.
leebeemi above gave a good answer, and a true one.
The OP asks for advice, but doesn't take any. Even when people explain things to her, she still does not get it. Saying that someone may have a mental issue that needs to be assisted with isn't an insult. but after 20 threads of the same problem, and whining, people start to wonder if there's a deeper problem at hand. And clearly since all of her threads have the same plot and tone, she needs to try doing something different.
Therapy, counselling. Or sitting and really evaluating herself to see some of her problems. Most people who are snippy with OP are familiar with her threads, and how she never takes or understands any advice people have given. Thus, she seems content to continue to complain and get into the same messes again. Either she likes to be miserable. Or is incapable of self awareness or reflection.
The OP does sound like she has a deeper issue with things, and it would be better to get help from a good counselor rather than the forum. But since she comes here, people will give thoughts on her based on her posting history, whether they suggest counselling, or the possibility of other deep issues.
Some have stated she has low self-esteem.
Others have pointed out her lack of understanding and boundaries.
Others have pointed out her dishonesty with getting welfare and gov. assistance she didn't need since she has 2 houses. That came up multiple times in her earlier threads.
Some have pointed out her people-pleasing.
And some have pointed out her bad choices in some of the men she dated. She's started a thread on one of them, and people pointed out the red flags to her, but like this thread, she argued with everything said. needless to say, the relationship turned out to be a mess, and caused her extra trouble that could have been avoid.
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