Strangers who say "happy mother's day" to me. i don't get it. (female, male)

[theatergypsy]

Whether you are a Mother or not, Sunday May 8 2016 is still Mother's Day. I see nothing wrong with people suggesting you have a Happy Mother's Day. If one isn't a Mother, would it be preferable for people to tell you "don't dare be happy today because only Mom's are allowed to enjoy the day."?

It's a day. People are trying to be pleasant. Childless by choice, it should not warrant being grumpy when others think they are being thoughtful.

[seain dublin]

Originally Posted by Jkgourmet

I'm 59 years old, have no kids (by choice) no step children (his choice), and not even blood related nieces or nephews.

For the last few days, I've had about 15 strangers tell me to have a happy mother's day. Restaurant servers, gricery store clerjs, even other shoppers in the grocery store as they passed by.

Inmy mind, I've always reserved saying "happy mother's day" to my own mother and grandmother when they were alive. If I want to acknowledge the day to friends or famiky, I'd be lijely to say "enjoy your day" or something like that.

I know these folks mean well, and it doesn't really bother ME, but I started to wonder: How do these strangers know that they aren't greeting a mother who's only child died? Or a woman who desperately wanted children but never did? Or a woman who lost her own mother just days ago?

I asked my husband if strangers ever told him to have a happy father's day, and he saud very rarely.

What's up with this? I don't recall this happening so often in the pasy.

The answer is they don't. Just like the supermarket cashier doesn't know when they say "Have a nice day", that your mother just died a week ago. Or the server in the restaurant who wishes the table a nice evening, not knowing they just came from hopsice where a family member is dying.

And yes(at least here in Southern CA) men are wished "Happy Father's Day", had it happen to me, "it was prefaced with "if your a dad", I had just lost my dad(and my best friend) less than a year before, and I'm not a father, I just smiled. I wasn't going to say "Well my dad died a few months ago, and I'm not a father" in the supermarket line. The person who said had a very pleasant tone and would probably have gotten upset if I said that, and would have felt bad.

What good would that have done?

The world continues to spin even when we have the most tragic of losses.

[JasperJade]

OP, were you wearing mom jeans?

Originally Posted by PinaCarlotta

Someone wrote to Miss Manners https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...8dc_story.html

How I love that column. She phrased it so well, too. It's not about the greeter. It's about the person being greeted, and if one does not know the person being greeted, one errs on the side of caution, not presumptuousness. Sorry, narcissists, we all know you want to look like a charming person who really, truly, genuinely cares about the people you interact with and are not just, oh, I don't know, showboating, but you lose on this one.

[CFoulke]

I also get wished a happy Mother's Day as well although I'm not a mom except to my numerous cats. I'm 59 but I look older because my hair (formerly red) is turning silvery white and I refuse to dye it. It is what it is. So, people assume that I'm older and that I must have oodles of kids and grands....

It personally doesn't bother me one bit for someone to wish me happiness for any reason! There needs to be more happy - and from a stranger no less!!! Yesterday - May 8 - happened to be the 18th anniversary of my Mother's passing. On that year it was 2 days before mothers day - and my sister and I were out buying something suitable to wear to her funeral. Everywhere we went there were mothers and daughters out shopping and having lunch - and we were buying funeral flowers and dresses for her funeral. I always remember how miserable that was and now I am just happy that other women who still have their mothers in their lives are able to celebrate one more special day with their own mothers.

I think women of our certain age are in a minority - most have or have had children by now. Children are a blessing - heck we were all children once! Being a mother is a tremendous job, and there is a lot of hard work involved. There is also a lot of joy and love they receive - and deserve. One day out of the year is probably not enough! I do realize that no everyone has or had a great mom. I was lucky that way - mine was wonderful and I still miss her every day.

Anyway, just try and remember that people are trying to be kind, and if it bothers you I'm sure there was no harm intended. Kindness is always the best way to go.

[UserNamesake]

Originally Posted by Jkgourmet

I'm 59 years old, have no kids (by choice) no step children (his choice), and not even blood related nieces or nephews.

For the last few days, I've had about 15 strangers tell me to have a happy mother's day. Restaurant servers, gricery store clerjs, even other shoppers in the grocery store as they passed by.

Inmy mind, I've always reserved saying "happy mother's day" to my own mother and grandmother when they were alive. If I want to acknowledge the day to friends or famiky, I'd be lijely to say "enjoy your day" or something like that.

I know these folks mean well, and it doesn't really bother ME, but I started to wonder: How do these strangers know that they aren't greeting a mother who's only child died? Or a woman who desperately wanted children but never did? Or a woman who lost her own mother just days ago?

I asked my husband if strangers ever told him to have a happy father's day, and he saud very rarely.

What's up with this? I don't recall this happening so often in the pasy.

Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life

Today the minister in my church said something to all the mothers and then to any "woman who had served as a mentor or mother figure" to others.

I don't like it either, though.

I mentioned that in my thread... you should talk with the pastor if it's that serious. Maybe you could get him to see a different perspective. Again, this faux outrage over everything has to stop.

Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate

This. It was discussed in another thread where a poster sent a mother's day message to a woman who was barren - thanking her for being a nurturing figure. Needless to say she didn't seem to be happy about the message, and even seemed upset by it, regardless of them trying to explain. And most agreed that it was tactless of them, though they didn't see how when their intentions were good.

As I said in that thread, Mother's day probably should stay with people celebrating their own mother - not other people's, or just because they wanna include everyone, even pet-owners.

Pro. Industries just want money. So no shock they do it. But regular people should just stick to tending to their own mothers that day then it avoids possibly rubbing salt in a wound when you try to bring someone into a Holiday that they have no reason to celebrate. Just treat them like it's any other day -rather than draw attention to the Holiday. Plus why only try to be nice on certain days? Or only wish people well on a Holiday. Should you wish them well all year around? Like Christianity. If you're a Christian, try to make it an everyday effort to be Godly, not just for a few hours of Church on Sun. lol Or Thanksgiving. If you have much to be thankful for, show and act it all year around, or frequently.

Thanks for the mention, VC.

Originally Posted by imagineAA

I got that in the store once today. I am sure people are just trying to be nice or whatever.

Not being a mother myself, the cashier's statement made me visibly twitch because it reminded me of the monster who is my mother. Actually, I felt nausea and had to forcibly shake the feeling, but I don't see that as the cashier's fault or intent.

I hope you're in therapy.

Originally Posted by kitty61

Sounds like it bothers you more than you are willing to admit.

Be happy. Smile. Graciously accept the honorarium. I did today and also gladly accepted a rose even though the cause of my infertility was cancer.

You are so well adjusted. Thank you for posting that.

Originally Posted by photobuff42

I was buying my mom candy and flowers in the store when a man greeted me by saying, "Happy Mother's Day." I just took it to mean, enjoy the day with your mom, as I wasn't buying gifts for myself. Nothing wrong with that.

I returned his greeting and said, "Happy Mother's Day to you, too."

Another well-adjusted person. Thank you.

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

Maybe we as a people should stop talking to strangers. It seems it is best to keep ignorant assumptions like every old woman had kids to ourselves.

Right. Everybody just stop being social. Stop being social dammit!

Originally Posted by gentlearts

People are just trying to be nice. If I had a child who died, I'd be glad someone still remembered that I was a mother.

Beautifully said.

[stan4]

Originally Posted by JasperJade

OP, were you wearing mom jeans?



How I love that column. She phrased it so well, too. It's not about the greeter. It's about the person being greeted, and if one does not know the person being greeted, one errs on the side of caution, not presumptuousness. Sorry, narcissists, we all know you want to look like a charming person who really, truly, genuinely cares about the people you interact with and are not just, oh, I don't know, showboating, but you lose on this one.

I think it's very much less about the giver of the greeting showboating and more of the recipient of the greeting being a precious snowflake.

[Melizien]

There is nothing worse when people assume something that is not true about you. I can't tell you the countless times this happened to me. I have been asked about being a "young mom" and I am in my late thirties. I am glad they think I am young but in actuality I waited to have children. I know how it can feel especially if you don't have children. Most women need to make this known. Otherwise it will always be assumed that all women have children. Sadly....before I had my child I was miserable because I would have to say to strangers...I don't have children. Sometimes it can be painful for someone to have to say that. If someone says "Happy Mothers Day" to you and you want them to change their ways....say "thank you but I am not a mother." They will say "Oh...." then say "not every woman can have children". This will make them feel bad. Don't explain how it was your choice or not to have children. Then it shifts the explanation on you...and you will have to explain why you didn't have children.


For others who read this please keep this in mind. Not every woman has children.

[elliedeee]

Originally Posted by don1945

Yes, isn't it absolutely horrible and insulting when people actually try to be nice to you ! Pretty soon it will be completely out of hand and they will be saying Good Morning, and other pleasantries.

Nerve of some people !


Don

Oh boy, don't ever say Good Morning to me. I'm allergic to mornings.

Seriously though, even when men say Happy Mothers day to me, I always say ' same to you'.. I know they're not mothers but it's just a 'day' and I'd like them to have a good day too.

[photobuff42]

Originally Posted by hertfordshire

I'm never one to defend the Kardashians, but that's actually a Southern tradition that's become a trend elsewhere. Push presents have been a thing down here for decades.

Born and raised in the South. Never heard of it.

[elliedeee]

Originally Posted by Robert&Ripley

I'm a guy and somebody said to me "happy mothers day."

I really should stop wearing my mothers wig and clothes.

Norman Bates, is that you?