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Old 05-12-2016, 02:28 PM
 
4,097 posts, read 11,451,229 times
Reputation: 9124

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NO ONE every spends my money for me. Doesn't matter what or when or who. Everyone else seems to be saying the same thing.

Tell her NOW don't wait. Don't let her plan anything else without knowing your position on this issue.
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Old 05-12-2016, 02:30 PM
 
294 posts, read 336,059 times
Reputation: 437
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetana3 View Post
NO ONE every spends my money for me. Doesn't matter what or when or who. Everyone else seems to be saying the same thing.

Tell her NOW don't wait. Don't let her plan anything else without knowing your position on this issue.
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Old 05-12-2016, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
16,289 posts, read 32,273,106 times
Reputation: 21891
Let her know that you are sorry but you will not be able to attend. I would let her know that you are willing to let others know about the event and maybe offer a small donation.
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Old 05-12-2016, 03:33 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 54,049,794 times
Reputation: 46669
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennStar View Post
We are on a tighter budget now that we moved. SIL has a fundraiser coming up with the organization she works with. We would love to attend, but it's $50 per person, and we have to host our own table of 10. WTF? She has everybody in the family organized to certain tables, and put hubby and I by ourselves, and gave us one idea of whom to invite (no idea who that is) and we have to invite 2-3 couples. I think that is putting us in a kind of imposition. Attending is one thing, but hosting a table where we have to invite that many people is a stretch. It would have been nice if she would include us at one table with others. I realize it's a fundraiser. I am not big on formal gatherings, and neither is my husband. Of course it is putting us on the spot. My husband would be non-confrontational about it and just go with it, or perhaps give her some money, but I would say to him "Who would you invite? It's $50 a person. My husband has a large family, and I think that just inviting us to go and pay $50 would be enough. Should we just tell her that we tried to come up with some people but they said that it was too steep?
Just say no. I mean really.
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Old 05-12-2016, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Georgia, USA
37,032 posts, read 41,094,361 times
Reputation: 44970
A wise poster here on CD once suggested this response to those who do not wish to participate when others try to "volunteer" them for activities such as this.

I'm sorry, that just will not work for me right now.

You do not have to give a reason, such as sharing your financial situation, and the right now leaves the possibility of future participation open.

If you wish, offer to donate what you can afford.
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Old 05-12-2016, 04:23 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
4,053 posts, read 8,236,067 times
Reputation: 8040
I like to choose my own worthy causes to donate my money to. It would bother me if some just expected me to donate to their favorite charity, especially at $50 each, not to mention the expensive dress that I'm sure you would have to get to wear.
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Old 05-12-2016, 04:26 PM
 
9,446 posts, read 6,550,299 times
Reputation: 18898
Quote:
Originally Posted by SOON2BNSURPRISE View Post
Let her know that you are sorry but you will not be able to attend. I would let her know that you are willing to let others know about the event and maybe offer a small donation.

This is too nice. The SIL is the one who owes the apology! Just tell her no, you won't be able to do it.
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Old 05-12-2016, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,874 posts, read 7,852,754 times
Reputation: 18199
omg, where is Miss Manners? Emily Post?

you don't need to offer an explanation. Just say "Thank you, but we won't be able to attend that night"

Telling her you can't afford it is as tacky as her expecting you to participate.
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Old 05-12-2016, 07:11 PM
 
1,040 posts, read 1,287,415 times
Reputation: 2865
I have been mandated to attend work fundraisers. I think that's perfectly reasonable once in a while, and it's legal too.

I have never been asked to get others to attend or pay for my own ticket.

There are laws about requiring donations. Check into those. Then you will know to what extent you can decline.
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Old 05-12-2016, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
7,631 posts, read 4,553,061 times
Reputation: 12681
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennStar View Post
We are on a tighter budget now that we moved. SIL has a fundraiser coming up with the organization she works with. We would love to attend, but it's $50 per person, and we have to host our own table of 10. WTF? She has everybody in the family organized to certain tables, and put hubby and I by ourselves, and gave us one idea of whom to invite (no idea who that is) and we have to invite 2-3 couples. I think that is putting us in a kind of imposition. Attending is one thing, but hosting a table where we have to invite that many people is a stretch. It would have been nice if she would include us at one table with others. I realize it's a fundraiser. I am not big on formal gatherings, and neither is my husband. Of course it is putting us on the spot. My husband would be non-confrontational about it and just go with it, or perhaps give her some money, but I would say to him "Who would you invite? It's $50 a person. My husband has a large family, and I think that just inviting us to go and pay $50 would be enough. Should we just tell her that we tried to come up with some people but they said that it was too steep?
I think it's a sales tactic, and a rather aggressive one. If I'm raising funds and need work done, if I set the bar higher, then the middle meet is better. If I thought you'd give $20, maybe I stick that on you and you come back with $50 for the two.

At the end of the day, all of these answers are better than my standard one, which is, "I used to audit not for profits and was simply astounded by the amount of waste and fraud that occurs in them. I only financially support an organization after a thorough background check, and I don't have time to do one now."

It's rude, but so is taking my money and saying you're doing something you're not. Only a tiny fraction of most fundraisers actually makes it to support any kind of research or actual development to help an affected population. You want to help the homeless? Make your own goody bags of food, water, toothbrush, travel soap, shampoo, calling card, put it in a nice backpack and go to where the homeless are to drop it off. (not the beggers). Food dispensaries have the highest throughput, and are worth working with.

Otherwise, offer to babysit for free for a poor couple, blow out someone's driveway that's snowed in, volunteer at the local hospital or school. Fundraisers are expensive paid parties where favors are traded and most of the money raised is used to pay for the event itself. That's pretty much it.

<exiting soapbox>
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