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Nope. That's a selfish, superficial way to live, by eliminating people who are saying something you may not want to hear.
Since it's your mother, I can't help but wonder if you're a really self-centered unsympathetic person. I hope maybe you'll experience it from the other side and see. Perhaps some day you'll come to your mother in desperate straits, needing help, and she'll turn her back on you.
I'm quite negative, but I get annoyed when other people are negative. Maybe I expect others to balance out my negativity with their positiveness, so when other people are negative, it's just too much!!
My mom is like this. Every time I talk to her, it's all about her and everything is so negative. Problems at work, problems with family, problems with the house, etc.
I've already limited my contact with her to one phone call per week.
Once/week seems unnecessarily frequent, to me. If you don't have any news, and let's face it--life most of the time is pretty routine, I don't see the need to call weekly. Every other week should be fine, I would think.
I'm quite negative, but I get annoyed when other people are negative. Maybe I expect others to balance out my negativity with their positiveness, so when other people are negative, it's just too much!!
You expect people to take it, but they're not allowed to dish it out? You won't return the favor after they hear you out?
Have been bypassing and avoiding negative people for years. I surround myself with positive energy, optimism, and constructive behavior.
Everyone goes through rough spots - they are inevitable. How we approach those spots is what distinguishes who we are. I'm willing to be empathetic, will even give advice if it solicited. I've given and sought assistance at different points in my life.
If all I feel is emotionally drained because of all the 'woe is me' with someone, then I avoid that someone. I have family members like this. My psychologist's advice to me on this type of situation, when one must interact with Debbie Downers (like in the case of a family member) was to stick to platitudes and avoid deeper engagement. It has worked like a charm.
It really depends on the reason for negativity. I went through a really bad patch (mostly related to a medication causing depression, but I did not realize it at the time) and my roommate ostracized me and made it a point to try to get our mutual friends to ostracize me as well. At the same time, we had another friend who always tried to outwardly appear happy commit suicide. I knew he was going through some things but I think he was afraid to really talk to others about what was going on because he saw what was happening with me. He had been struggling with depression for a while. I have quite a few friends who struggle with depression that is not situational and I certainly wouldn't cut them out of my life because they are not positive all the time.
If someone is negative and not trying to do anything about it, that's one thing, but if someone is going through a bad period and trying his/her best to get through it, I'm certainly going to be there for them.
Bromides and/or platitudes used to deal with negative people? Yeah, that just exacerbates the problem with them. It's better to deal with them in truth. If you feel like they stink to be around, then let them know this in the most honest and kind way possible. Don't feed them your bull shyte.
Nope. That's a selfish, superficial way to live, by eliminating people who are saying something you may not want to hear.
Since it's your mother, I can't help but wonder if you're a really self-centered unsympathetic person. I hope maybe you'll experience it from the other side and see. Perhaps some day you'll come to your mother in desperate straits, needing help, and she'll turn her back on you.
I love my mother, but she loves to complain about the simplest things.
I have many issues in my life right now. Going through a divorce, moving to another state, getting another job.
My mom wants to talk for 20 minutes about how the HOA people keep nitpicking her shrubs. Really...
But there are the people who view everything in life negatively and with suspicion. They dislike their co-workers. They dislike everyone but a select few. They are wary of people's motivations. They don't like anything new. They view life as a combat sport. These people are on this message board by the bushel. My life sucks. People are terrible.
.
Many people are like this for good reason.
How do you not do this when, say you were abused as a child and learned from six years old not to trust anyone?
We all handle trauma differently. I'm sorry about your friend. But just because she handles something one way does not make it the only way.
How do you not do this when, say you were abused as a child and learned from six years old not to trust anyone?
We all handle trauma differently. I'm sorry about your friend. But just because she handles something one way does not make it the only way.
So sorry. I don't mean to trivialize the traumas of your life.
But, guess what? You are forgetting that, very likely, everyone on this forum has had serious life challenges, too. Big challenges. Betrayals of trust. Horror shows. Things that have knocked us down to the mat. I mean, you have zero idea what I've dealt with in my own life. And I'm thinking that Mr. Lang, my neighbor who was in the concentration camp, dealt with a fair ration of trauma in his day, too.
But the very fact that you recognize you have trust issues means that you know what you need to do. No, you can't take a pill for it. But the entirety of your future life and happiness is staked on managing somehow, someway to look forward rather than backwards. Your relationships with good and kind people. Your relationship with your own children.
And, in truth, you keep talking about multiple ways to handle one's past. This is true. But that doesn't preclude one from really trying, for understanding how one's attitude shapes one's future life. For the consequences of not doing so is a lifetime of misery. So, in the end, there is only one way. Forward.
Last edited by cpg35223; 05-17-2016 at 07:29 AM..
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