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Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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There are those that go through rough patches in their lives and these can get them down. I will try to help those out by pointing out any positives in said situation. Example: person has to move to smaller home. My take: you get to get rid of all those things you haven't used in years! Or: look at it as an adventure, a fresh start. I use this one myself when things get overwhelming: I can't wait till it is a year from now. This will all be behind me.
This is all depending on the person and how they normally handle things. An observant person can figure out if it is too flippant.
There are those that consistently have bad things going on.....all the time. I call them drama magnets. They just don't know how to be happy unless something is causing chaos. I truly feel they get bored if things aren't constantly up in air. At first, I'll give them my ear. If it keeps on, and on, and on.... Yeah, I'll start limiting my exposure to them. After a while you can actually see the pattern of them placing themselves in situations where you just Know something will happen. Then they can say oh poor me again. Love when those types ask for advice and you give them your honest take on it then they do the opposite. You guessed it, sure enough.... Boom! Another oh poor me story.
We all have flaws. We all have things that have happened to us that we have had no control over. The only thing we can control is ourselves. You can't control what others do or say. You can control who you allow in your life.
As far as all the poor me people on CD? All forums have their share. It's so easy to unload your burdens in an anonymous way. It makes it easier when they see others do it and look at all that attention those people are getting! Yeah, we kind of feed that dragon. <insert eyeroll here> most thrive on the attention whether negative or positive.
Then you have the Validate me type. Yeah, we all like to be validated. You will get it on a forum, be prepared to get the opposite also.
For every positive, there is a negative. Life is a balancing act.
I think "negative" people are not always bad people! If you are asking for advice and I'm playing devil's advocate and throwing out all the good...and BAD things for you to consider, don't call me negative.
Some people only want to hear fairy tales and good news...but that's not real. I'm not going to lie and tell you everything you're doing is great when you've not considered a big chunk of issues. You can delude YOURSELF, but I won't help you.
Of course not. I like to listen my friends problems and help them to go forward. That is what life is, facing lot of negative things but yet we are meant to go on
People don't have to think it is negativity but reality and things have to be settled in the mind before going forward. When pressuring things are out of the mind there is lot of space for other things
Agree with the "hardwired" theory. OTOH, I believe most adults have the ability to overcome this. I hope so, because I work hard at it every day. I want better for myself & I'm not going to get there by nailing myself to some cross every day.
This is probably the #1 issue between myself & the husband. According to him:
-He's never going to "get ahead".
-Every time he gets almost there, something happens. (this "something" is usually ME)
-Nobody likes him. (I've actually never met anyone so well-thought of.)
-Every single payday: "We're screwed."
-The man literally has a huge tattoo on his back that says "Trust No One".
Maybe I'm oversensitive to it because I am, in his opinion, the "something" that always "happens". But I have only been with him for 11 years & he is 60 years old, so am I just the current scapegoat?
I will admit that I am NOT an easy ride. TBH, if I were a man & I had met me; I would turn and run!
When we met I was 100% honest, he knew everything & he is 12 years older than me so I figured he knew what was up & felt he could handle it.
I kind of "snapped" recently while he was going on & on about Obama, the economy, the Millenials, etc..
and said
"You know what?! You were born post-WW2 as a healthy white male in the USA! Congratulations! You could have been abandoned as an infant on the steps of a church or raised by wolves & you would still be luckier than 99% of the entire human race!"
He was not very receptive to my opinion. My other attempts...
(Such as "You remind me of that donkey from Whinnie the Pooh, you know; Eeyore! Remember, he had his very own raincloud that used to follow him around & he'd always say 'Oh, bother..'!" Or "Did you know that the average life expectancy for a male born in Mozambique is only 27 years old?")
...don't seem to be helping either...
Last edited by coschristi; 05-18-2016 at 12:12 PM..
Reason: didn't need the "d", capitalize the m in millenial
Agree with the "hardwired" theory. OTOH, I believe most adults have the ability to overcome this. I hope so, because I work hard at it every day. I want better for myself & I'm not going to get there by nailing myself to some cross every day.
This is probably the #1 issue between myself & the husband. According to him:
-He's never going to "get ahead".
-Every time he gets almost there, something happens. (this "something" is usually ME)
-Nobody likes him. (I've actually never met anyone so well-thought of.)
-Every single payday: "We're screwed."
-The man literally has a huge tattoo on his back that says "Trust No One".
Maybe I'm oversensitive to it because I am, in his opinion, the "something" that always "happens". But I have only been with him for 11 years & he is 60 years old, so am I just the current scapegoat?
I will admit that I am NOT an easy ride. TBH, if I were a man & I had met me; I would turn and run!
When we met I was 100% honest, he knew everything & he is 12 years older than me so I figured he knew what was up & felt he could handle it.
I kind of "snapped" recently while he was going on & on about Obama, the economy, the Millenials, etc..
and said
"You know what?! You were born post-WW2 as a healthy white male in the USA! Congratulations! You could have been abandoned as an infant on the steps of a church or raised by wolves & you would still be luckier than 99% of the entire human race!"
He was not very receptive to my opinion. My other attempts...
(Such as "You remind me of that donkey from Whinnie the Pooh, you know; Eeyore! Remember, he had his very own raincloud that used to follow him around & he'd always say 'Oh, bother..'!" Or "Did you know that the average life expectancy for a male born in Mozambique is only 27 years old?")
...don't seem to be helping either...
So true. I mean, holy cats. The very fact that none of us are on the verge of starvation or at the mercy of barbarian hordes, spending our considerable idle time typing our thoughts into boxes to be read by perfect strangers around the world should be enough.
Seriously. People like your husband are just the destroyers of happiness in the room. One of my best friends was married to a guy like that. The guy literally whined about every single aspect of his life, despite the fact that he was married to a beautiful loving woman, had a great job, lived in a nice house, and was better off than 99.99% of everyone in the entirety of human history.
She finally snapped and left him. And never felt better as a result.
I had an ultra negative friend who claimed that I was dragging down their life with my negativity, but they were the most negative person I have EVER known. Whenever I would be positive or upbeat about something, or try to stop them from being mean or cranky when working with situations that made them unhappy, they would shoot me down in a heartbeat and then turn around and complain to every about my negativity when I had something like a large medical bill, or a family member pass away (I've lost two in the past year and have three in the hospital). He also has an extremely emotionally abusive girlfriend who tells him who he can and can't talk to so there's that. He's also super popular so only a few of us know who he really is because the people who like him only see him for short bursts.
I have this simple take on life...I have had it hard, but I am awesome and can take it! Try to feel sorry for the negative nellies who are not as awesome and can't take it...
^^Love this! Mines is - Whatever happens, I can handle it!
My mom is like this. Every time I talk to her, it's all about her and everything is so negative. Problems at work, problems with family, problems with the house, etc.
I've already limited my contact with her to one phone call per week.
Yes. I do. My mom and one of my high-school friends is like this. Keeps me on the phone for HOURS complaining. It literally takes days after talking to them to "detox" from the negative energy. I'm someone who absolutely avoids any kind of drama. So, why they call me with it is beyond me. I must be the most boring phone buddy ever, because I just let them rant on w/o saying a word. But, now I just limit my contact to almost none with these two.
Nope. That's a selfish, superficial way to live, by eliminating people who are saying something you may not want to hear.
Since it's your mother, I can't help but wonder if you're a really self-centered unsympathetic person. I hope maybe you'll experience it from the other side and see. Perhaps some day you'll come to your mother in desperate straits, needing help, and she'll turn her back on you.
I lean toward negativity, and sarcasm. I fight that all the time. Yes, it was based on the way I was raised. Constantly needled and attacked by the adults for being soft or genuine. They were continuously sarcastic and that was accepted. So it's easy for me to see where it came from, in conjunction with a personality that tends toward sadness, to an extent.
I fight this every day...I never really think it's "okay" or that people should just accept me as I am, blah blah if I haven't been nice. People are SUPPOSED to be nice, within reason (if someone's trying to hurt you, obviously you're not expected to be nice).
I DON'T believe in allowing oneself to be abused because "it's your mother" or "it's your brother" or whomever it is. THAT IS how such people keep getting away with abuse. They are told, explicitly or implicitly, every day of their lives that SOMEBODY is okay to abuse, ergo, they'll just keep seeking out victims. It may sound cruel, but yes, there comes a time to cut truly cruel people out of your life, including parents if need be.
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Quite.Judgmental. I bet you're a vampire.
