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I'm not sure how to handle someone whom I have considered a dear friend of mine, who I realize needs support. I would like to offer support, however, at this point my patience (as well as others) with her behavior has worn thin and I need guidance.
I'll try and make this concise and as neutral toned as possible (just the facts):
My friend, we shall call her "Denise", informed myself and another friend we will call "Liz", that she was pregnant 7 months ago.
I was shocked, as I was unaware that Denise was dating anyone in particular, at least not seriously, although I knew she went out on dates with several men. Well, Denise slowly revealed to me that the purported father, whome we will call "Brad" was the cousin of a gentleman in her apt community. She had met Brad through his cousin, but not until after drunken unprotected sex with the cousin.
In any case, she took a liking to Brad and had unprotected sex with him. She subsequently became pregnant, which she claims surprised her because she "never uses protection with ANYONE, and has never had a pregnancy despite this."
She informed Brad, whom she had known for all of three months, long enough to know that he had two other children and no job. Brad discontinued all contact. Denise claimed to be genuinely "shocked" at this reaction, since Brad had stated to her that he would love to be married and have more children in the future. I told her that, in my humble opinion, Brad was saying what she wanted to hear as a 34 year old woman, and was only interested in one thing.
Fast forward a few months later, Denise has her baby at only 28 weeks pregnant and baby is in the NICU.
At this point, myself and her other close friend Liz buy her over 200$ in baby clothes to help out (she had nothing, was not prepared at all), I also assisted her in painting a room and cleaning it at her mothers house, since on only a 24,00$ salary, she ccannot afford to live on her own any longer. She broached the subject of rooming or sharing costs with me(I have no children , and I work full time as a special education teacher--I have not had roommates since grad school). She also suggested that "I make much more money than have a bigger budget, and no kids, so it would be great if I could help". Her idea was that we would have a 3 bedroom--2 rooms for her and baby ONE for me. She wanted to split utilities down the middle although she works from home, and wanted me to pay the balance of rent on proposed apartment (a 3 bedroom around here might go for almost 2000) while stating she could afford 500. I declined this arrangement, stating that i didnt feel that was in MY bedt intwrest (i didnt also mention that as a single child free by choice 35 year old woman, i dont look firward to waking up ro screaming babies every night ). She became upset. She asked our other friend if she could help move things out of her apartment. Liz helped her with some things, but one weekend was not available as she has children of her own and needed to care for them. Denise became upset and said that Liz didn't really have to care for her kids as they are 13 and 14 and can "take care of themselves.".
The pinnacle was her welcome home shower for said baby, who is now out of the hospital. The venue for the shower was changed two hours before the event via facebook and she stayed that it would be at a restaurant where she would be charging 10$ a head. Gifts were EXPECTED as well (registries posted on facebook). Neither myself nor Liz could attend as Liz had to work overnight, and got off from her overnight shift only 3 hours before the shower. I was called in to work with an autistic child that day and couldn't attend. She became irate, told us both to save our apologies, did not thank us for the gifts already given and promptly defriended us on Facebook.
Where do I go from here? I realize she may be overwhelmed with this baby and needs support, but I am feeling rather uninclined to help considering what I believe to be her outrageous behavior.
She showed you who she really is, not a true friend, block her access to you on all devices and move on with your life.
No guilt, no shame, no looking back. She wants someone to help support her and her child, she does not want a friend.
Also, if your friend Liz asks what she should do tell her whatever she decides to do. Do not tell her what you have done or suggest anything, make her choice her choice all by herself. That saves you from being blamed for a loss of friendship down the road.
Yup I wish this was not true. @imagineAA, she didn't EXACTLY throw herself a shower-- she said to me and a Liz that she would like a shower so she could "get gifts" because she couldn't afford things for her baby. She then appointed another person to arrange what she wanted for the shower, since she at least didnt want people to think she was throwing this herself.
@everyone else--yes, I figured I ought to let her go. The only reason I had doubts was because, up till this point, she has been a decent friend. Someone I've enjoyed spending time with, and I feel terrible for her predicament, although of course, SHE made the choice to put herself there.
Planned Parenthood gives out birth control for free folks....sigh..
Wow, I've known 12 year old who act more mature than your friend.
I would steer clear of her.
Her idea of you, her & her baby sharing a three bedroom apartment (while she & the baby each have their own bedroom) and you being responsible for 3/4 of the expenses is just outrageous.
Everyone seems to be in agreement, steer clear from her.
I know it's not going to happen but if you did rent a place with her, you would be home watching the baby and she would be out "clubbing" with her next baby's daddy. While you pay most of the rent and bills.
Good riddance. She should put the baby up for adoption.
What a leech.
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