Is it normal for American people to chat with strangers? (money, feel)

[601halfdozen0theother]

I earlier said that the difference in whether or not people chat with strangers was urban v rural and regional, but I'll add that gender may also play a role.

Females are generally more communicative than males, so would be more likely to talk with strangers, I think. And as an older female, I'm much more likely to strike up conversations with other females, older people, and children. But I'm wary of young males.

Which may be why the poster "TheBig...." associates only unpleasant contacts with strangers. It may be that most regular people are probably wary of striking up ordinary conversations with him.

But come to think of it, I do enjoy initiating conversations with foreigners. I think most Americans want to make them feel welcome here, which is why we are extra friendly and nice to them. We have lots of foreign students where I live, and I've had many interesting conversations with them. But from this thread I've learned that they may think it intrusive and weird for me to say hello and ask them where they're from!

[The Big Lebowski Dude]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

Sorry. Jujitsu on your part. You accused us all of being knuckle-dragging provincial hicks, when the lions share of us are well-traveled ourselves. And, yes, while there are panhandlers everywhere, that wasn't the point of discussion. The point we're reacting to is that people are open to talking to others in most places of America. Not Greece, not Paris, given how you felt this compulsion to gratuitously trot out your world traveler creds. As if many of us haven't been to those countries too -- and then some. Reading comprehension is important in these threads.

Originally Posted by cpg35223

Dude, don't play the urbane sophisticate card on us. I travel extensively on biz and have spent a ton of time in just about every American city you can name. The only place where this begins to apply might be Boston or SF.

Nope - YOU'RE the one that's mistaken. You said that panhandlers weren't an issue in the U.S. - except in Boston & S.F. I disagreed, and said they're an issue everywhere in almost every city I've gone to. Read your own post - for your convenience, I've reprinted it above.

And, this is relevant to the discussion since I was saying that in some cases panhandlers will attempt to "chat you up" prior to asking you for money. I.e., which brings me back to the point in my original post - i.e., that most strangers I've run into who have initiated conversations with me had an ulterior motive - i.e., they're either trying to get money from me, trying to sell me something, etc. Other people have agreed with me as well.

You also need to read my posts - and your own previous posts - before responding.

I know there are a lot of well-traveled people on here - and a lot of folks are much more well-traveled than me. I've gone into the "Travel" section to get ideas on where to go on vacation, what to look out for, etc.

If you haven't had bad experiences with panhandlers during your extensive travels, more power to you!!!

Originally Posted by 601halfdozen0theother

Females are generally more communicative than males, so would be more likely to talk with strangers, I think. And as an older female, I'm much more likely to strike up conversations with other females, older people, and children. But I'm wary of young males.

Well, I'm not that young - but I am male. And, I have noticed that I sometimes intimidate older women (must be my shaved head - LOL). But, in some cases younger women are cool with talking to me.

Originally Posted by 601halfdozen0theother

Which may be why the poster "TheBig...." associates only unpleasant contacts with strangers. It may be that most regular people are probably wary of striking up ordinary conversations with him.

In most cases when male strangers talk to me, they're trying to get money from me. So, I agree with this. I've actually come close to getting into physical fights with perfect strangers who have gotten confrontational because they're angry that I haven't given them money. Screw them. I never give panhandlers money, under any circumstances.

So, I admit, I'm probably a lot more "guarded" than most people on here.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude

Nope - YOU'RE the one that's mistaken. You said that panhandlers weren't an issue in the U.S. - except in Boston & S.F. I disagreed, and said they're an issue everywhere in almost every city I've gone to. Read your own post - for your convenience, I've reprinted it above.

And, this is relevant to the discussion since I was saying that in some cases panhandlers will attempt to "chat you up" prior to asking you for money. I.e., which brings me back to the point in my original post - i.e., that most strangers I've run into who have initiated conversations with me had an ulterior motive - i.e., they're either trying to get money from me, trying to sell me something, etc. Other people have agreed with me as well.

You also need to read my posts - and your own previous posts - before responding.

And I quote your original contribution to this thread:

In my personal experience, the only time strangers strike up a conversation with other strangers is when they have some kind of agenda/ulterior motive. I.e.:

1) Begging/panhandling.

2) Trying to convert you to their religion.

3) Trying to sell you something.

4) A guy trying to pick up/hit on a woman. Or, a woman trying to pick up a guy.

On those rare occasions, you may run into someone legitimately lost & looking for directions. But, that doesn't happen that often these days.
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To which we collectively said, "Well, that's not our experience." As in, our accumulated experience, the majority of people who strike up conversations with us are not about items #1-4 on your little list. I'm thinking that list says a great deal more about you than it does about the people who approach you.

At this point you accused us of being a bunch of rubes and hayseeds who lack experience in the big city. What's the phrase you used? Oh, wait: "If you never experienced this, you're sheltered and naive, and/or live in a small little East Bumf$#@ town." Nice. So, I guess it's time for a vocabulary lesson for you: The word 'never' is not interchangeable with either 'sometimes.' There's a big difference between "When someone talks to me it's always a panhandler" and "When someone talks to me it's sometimes a panhandler. You seem to be confused about the difference. Try a Venn diagram.

Then, in a bit of self-congratulation, you decided to regale us with your world travels, as if you have superior knowledge in that regard. Hell, I've been to those cities you name and more, but I really don't feel the need to strut about on this forum and flaunt it.

As for the rest of your response, I call BS on that. Funny, I've spent weeks at a time in places such as San Francisco or New York, ridden the subways, walked the sidewalks, and never been physically threatened by panhandlers. Why? Because that's their sure ticket to jail. A simple, "No cash" does the trick. If you are having all these confrontations with panhandlers, I'm pretty sure it has more to do with your stellar people skills than anything.

[stan4]

Yup.
We be friendly.

[Tim Randal Walker]

Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude

In my personal experience, the only time strangers strike up a conversation with other strangers is when they have some kind of agenda/ulterior motive. I.e.:

1) Begging/panhandling.

2) Trying to convert you to their religion.

3) Trying to sell you something.

4) A guy trying to pick up/hit on a woman. Or, a woman trying to pick up a guy.

On those rare occasions, you may run into someone legitimately lost & looking for directions. But, that doesn't happen that often these days.

When I was a very naive young man, I was accosted on a San Francisco street-and ended up in a Moonie indoctrination camp in the middle of nowhere.

In subsequent years, I have been approached on city streets by panhandlers/beggars and scammers/con men.


I thought about this, and I think there are a couple reasons why the culprits congregate in the big city:

1. Because of the sheer mass of people in the big city, these culprits are anonymous.

2. The supply of naive victims renews itself when people visit the city.


After enough incidents, the naive wise up, and start to give the cold shoulder to strangers on the street.

And this why residents of the big city may seem unfriendly-they have been burned too many times.

[The Big Lebowski Dude]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

As for the rest of your response, I call BS on that. Funny, I've spent weeks at a time in places such as San Francisco or New York, ridden the subways, walked the sidewalks, and never been physically threatened by panhandlers. Why? Because that's their sure ticket to jail. A simple, "No cash" does the trick. If you are having all these confrontations with panhandlers, I'm pretty sure it has more to do with your stellar people skills than anything.

You don't believe me & call BS on my experience with panhandlers? Fine. I have had mentally ill panhandlers come close to attacking me. I also live in a city where I run into panhandlers on a regular basis. If you read the news, you'll see that panhandling has gotten a lot worse in the past several years, all around the country. If you DON'T believe this is true, you are ignoring the obvious.

Note I never give panhandlers money. Most of them will use it for drugs, and so they can go $#%# themselves. It is true that I can get confrontational when people upset me - maybe they sense that, so they want to pick a fight with me as a result.

Go to Seattle, WA or Portland, OR. I have seen mentally ill homeless people screaming at others on the sidewalk for no reason.

Just because it's never happened to you doesn't mean it's never happened.

Originally Posted by cpg35223

To which we collectively said, "Well, that's not our experience." As in, our accumulated experience, the majority of people who strike up conversations with us are not about items #1-4 on your little list. I'm thinking that list says a great deal more about you than it does about the people who approach you.

Well, I know a lot of other people who are also approached by panhandlers/scam artists. So, it's not just me it happens to. There have also been others on this thread who have also mentioned they are typically approached by these people.

Originally Posted by cpg35223

Then, in a bit of self-congratulation, you decided to regale us with your world travels, as if you have superior knowledge in that regard. Hell, I've been to those cities you name and more, but I really don't feel the need to strut about on this forum and flaunt it.

Maybe not - but you're flaunting it now by mentioning that you've traveled more than I have - as if I care. I was only bringing up the places I've traveled to point out that I've run into panhandlers everywhere I've gone.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude

You don't believe me & call BS on my experience with panhandlers? Fine. I have had mentally ill panhandlers come close to attacking me. I also live in a city where I run into panhandlers on a regular basis. If you read the news, you'll see that panhandling has gotten a lot worse in the past several years, all around the country. If you DON'T believe this is true, you are ignoring the obvious.

Note I never give panhandlers money. Most of them will use it for drugs, and so they can go $#%# themselves. It is true that I can get confrontational when people upset me - maybe they sense that, so they want to pick a fight with me as a result.

Go to Seattle, WA or Portland, OR. I have seen mentally ill homeless people screaming at others on the sidewalk for no reason.

Just because it's never happened to you doesn't mean it's never happened.



Well, I know a lot of other people who are also approached by panhandlers/scam artists. So, it's not just me it happens to. There have also been others on this thread who have also mentioned they are typically approached by these people.



Maybe not - but you're flaunting it now by mentioning that you've traveled more than I have - as if I care. I was only bringing up the places I've traveled to point out that I've run into panhandlers everywhere I've gone.

Again, your comprehension of simple English is amazing. You decided to make a dubious, sweeping generalization in your initial foray on this thread: Namely that ALL people who start conversations with strangers fall into four categories.

Then we simply stated that wasn't our experience and you suddenly call us a bunch of hicks. This sheds light on your people skills and likely explains why you get into screaming matches with homeless people on the street. It certainly doesn't preclude our encountering panhandlers. But there's an enormous difference between two propositions: a) All people who start up a conversation with me on the street are up to no good and b) a decided few people who start up a conversation with me on a street are up to no good. You do know the difference between 'some' and 'all,' right?

[Ro2113]

OP, as you can see by this thread it is not easy to generalize who is friendly and open and who isn't. Some people here have been to the same areas but have different experiences.

[The Big Lebowski Dude]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

Again, your comprehension of simple English is amazing. You decided to make a dubious, sweeping generalization in your initial foray on this thread: Namely that ALL people who start conversations with strangers fall into four categories.

Then we simply stated that wasn't our experience and you suddenly call us a bunch of hicks. This sheds light on your people skills and likely explains why you get into screaming matches with homeless people on the street. It certainly doesn't preclude our encountering panhandlers. But there's an enormous difference between two propositions: a) All people who start up a conversation with me on the street are up to no good and b) a decided few people who start up a conversation with me on a street are up to no good. You do know the difference between 'some' and 'all,' right?

Yes, I understand the differences. I said in my experience most strangers that start conversations with me fall into the four categories I stated in my initial post - and, I stand by that assessment. I have also read some other posts on here by people who have backed me up & said that many of the people that they run into have ulterior motives for talking to them. And, I would not say that "a decided few" who start up a conversation with me on the street are up to no good. I would say that the majority of people who start up a conversation with me on the street are up to no good.

And, I didn't say that I got into screaming matches with homeless people on the street. I said that I saw mentally ill homeless people on the street who would scream at others for no reason. Why don't you read what I wrote instead of stating something that isn't true? You're the one that has a problem with reading comprehension, not me.

[Tim Randal Walker]

The Big Lebowski Dude specified that he was accosted in "almost every major city". So, yes, if he has been visiting large cities he may have had this negative experience all too often.