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Old 06-20-2016, 04:29 PM
 
1,044 posts, read 1,073,167 times
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I was invited to join one of my friend's bachelor parties. I already said I was going to go, and it's this weekend in the city I live in, but I have some reservations about attending; however, I wonder if I'm just being a petty person for having these feelings, and it seems like it would be impossible to cancel without ruffling a lot of feathers.

Context - I'm 24, met my friend in college, we were in the same fraternity and generally had a good relationship but I can't say he's one of my best friends by any means. He dated this girl all of college, and mostly spent time with her. The other people going to the bachelor party are friends of his from high school and two other guys who were in my fraternity who also are friends with those people from high school (me and one other guy are the only ones who aren't townies). I never really got along with those guys....to be honest, they're kind of lightweights and party poopers, with the exception of one of them being one of my best friends (studied abroad with him, lived with him for a year, etc.). So I figured this would still be a good time.

Fast forward to this past weekend. I discover that both my friend who is getting married and my one very good friend had a birthday party in their hometown (3 hours from Saint Louis) without inviting me, but many of my other good friends were there. Not only that, but I had explicitly talked to a few of those said good friends about letting me know the next time we could get together in that town, multiple times over the past few months! I can't help but be offended. And what really irritates me, is that this is a pretty common occurrence. Over the past year my friend has documented his adventures visiting all of his friends, except me....I've seen him twice since I've graduated, and both times it was me going out of my way to see him. So I'm not sure how much he really gives a **** about me.

With that said, I feel like it's unfair to hold this against my friend who is getting married. While I'm not great friends with him, and while I'm not one of his groomsmen or whatever, he still cared enough to invite me to his bachelor party, so I should probably do it for him.

What are the thoughts of CD? Should I broach the subject, cancel (don't really want to spend $500+ anyways), or just coast through the weekend and plan on not making contact with these people after the wedding?
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Old 06-20-2016, 04:53 PM
 
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I guess writing this post helped me answer my own question - I ended texting the offenders about how I was disappointed. If they have a poor reaction, then I'll know it's time to move on.
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Old 06-20-2016, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Arizona
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$500?
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Old 06-20-2016, 05:29 PM
 
1,638 posts, read 2,766,598 times
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Skip it.

Why? You're clearly not super close at all with them, you said it yourself. You're clearly upset about being left out of birthday parties too. Why bother?

I would like to say you never know why you weren't invited somewhere. If I invited everyone I enjoyed over to my apartment for every single get together, there wouldn't be room. Sometimes I just keep it to a closed group. It's nothing personal. Plenty of people do this.

Also, it's a bachelor party. It's not a big deal if you miss it, I promise. Plenty of people just invite whoever, or any male who is attending the wedding. Are you even invited to the wedding?

Do what you want. Why would it ruffle feathers? We often think people care more about our attendance than they really do.
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Old 06-20-2016, 05:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
$500?
AirBNB (even though I live in the city), the groom's airfare (they ordered it yesterday), booze and other stuff
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Old 06-20-2016, 05:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lmw36 View Post
Skip it.

Why? You're clearly not super close at all with them, you said it yourself. You're clearly upset about being left out of birthday parties too. Why bother?

I would like to say you never know why you weren't invited somewhere. If I invited everyone I enjoyed over to my apartment for every single get together, there wouldn't be room. Sometimes I just keep it to a closed group. It's nothing personal. Plenty of people do this.

Also, it's a bachelor party. It's not a big deal if you miss it, I promise. Plenty of people just invite whoever, or any male who is attending the wedding. Are you even invited to the wedding?

Do what you want. Why would it ruffle feathers? We often think people care more about our attendance than they really do.
I was invited to the wedding, which is something I feel like I should go to, but hey you're right; my attendance probably doesn't matter that much to begin with.

Edit - to further clarify, the guy who I am very good friends with is what really disappoints me in this case. I know space wasn't an issue, and I've always considered myself to be one of his best friends. Like I've said, over the past year he has gone and visited lots of other people and had trips without inviting me, and I guess this incident was the last straw, especially since it coincided with two of my other friends ignoring me when I had texted them less than two weeks prior about when we could visit together.

Last edited by TitanRam; 06-20-2016 at 05:52 PM..
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Old 06-20-2016, 06:00 PM
 
436 posts, read 389,402 times
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$500?! That doesn't make sense. What Airbnb are you staying at in St. Louis? A mansion in ladue?
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Old 06-20-2016, 06:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jjmars View Post
$500?! That doesn't make sense. What Airbnb are you staying at in St. Louis? A mansion in ladue?
Some big ass house in the central west end; $200 per person for the weekend (8 people in total), $100 for his flight, and then I figure I should budget $200 for food and booze and whatever else comes our way.
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Old 06-20-2016, 07:07 PM
 
1,579 posts, read 1,385,953 times
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Yeah I wouldn't go. For me money is the issue. If I were rich then I'd just go anyway, have a good time and not worry about the paper thin friendship. If it were my brothers bachelor party or someone like that then I'd go no matter how broke I was and regardless of past issues.


So IMO you need to weigh the monetary cost of the weekend against the significance of this friendship.
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Old 06-20-2016, 07:37 PM
 
114 posts, read 117,750 times
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I think you should just make the wedding and leave the bachelor party out of it. That way you cut down on costs and maintain some semblance of a relationship. Just say that the bachelor party falls on a day that is inconvenient for you. Life happens. It doesn't seem like this friend is willing to drop everything for you, so why should you? Besides, after the married life, you never see your married friends ever again.

But I'd skip it. If your friendship was weak before the party, there is nothing that could happen in 24 hours during the life of the party that would magically reinforce it. Life is not a sitcom, unfortunately.
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