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Normal is subjective. I saw a therapist years back, whom I sighed to in frustration, "I just want to be normal!" She just looked at me, then said "You ARE normal." Listen. Everyone under the sun has their idiosyncrasies. I hated myself for it sometimes, but I simply don't enjoy having friends. I don't inherently need/want people, I like to be alone. Being around others is often completely draining. I get a social fix from work or my family. Even people I basically like, I just don't have a need to experience "friendship."
Because really, what even is that? For those of us who abhor shallow connections, having many friends is kind of a worthless endeavor. Like.. It's akin to being in a relationship - if you find an amazing person who reciprocates your affection and desire, great. If not, that's okay too. No need to manufacture something out of nothing, just to have "something."
But of course, so many people would much rather have "something," rather than feel alone.
But, he should still be your friend regardless of the move. Friendship doesn't stop at state lines.
It does stop though. Friendship is about being THERE for someone, being with someone. Not just someone to talk to, but to talk to in PERSON. To laugh with, to cry with, to help each other out, and to share fun times with. Meeting a friend for lunch and talking with him over a meal in person makes me a LOT more happy than just having a real nice conversation over the phone or via IM/email. When the "friend" is several hundred (maybe even thousand) miles away, you're going to miss a lot of those elements that make a friendship so worth having.
I have no doubt that If I (or my old friends from years back) every relocated close to each other, we would pick up our friendship without even skipping a beat, but distance prevails... it really puts a divide in the friendship from being true.
It does stop though. Friendship is about being THERE for someone, being with someone. Not just someone to talk to, but to talk to in PERSON. To laugh with, to cry with, to help each other out, and to share fun times with. Meeting a friend for lunch and talking with him over a meal in person makes me a LOT more happy than just having a real nice conversation over the phone or via IM/email. When the "friend" is several hundred (maybe even thousand) miles away, you're going to miss a lot of those elements that make a friendship so worth having.
I have no doubt that If I (or my old friends from years back) every relocated close to each other, we would pick up our friendship without even skipping a beat, but distance prevails... it really puts a divide in the friendship from being true.
I don't need someone to entertain me. I actually get along just fine being alone. Being alone doesn't scare me. I have plenty of acquaintances who tend to be the people I work with or interact with because we share time or interests on a regular basis. I occasionally see these people here and there. I do have a few great friends. Sometimes a year will pass and they call up and we get together and catch up like no time has passed. The people I can do that with I consider true friends. There are no expectations, drama, or hurt feelings. Everything flows.
I love my family and see them a few times a year, I live out of state.
It does stop though. Friendship is about being THERE for someone, being with someone. Not just someone to talk to, but to talk to in PERSON. To laugh with, to cry with, to help each other out, and to share fun times with. Meeting a friend for lunch and talking with him over a meal in person makes me a LOT more happy than just having a real nice conversation over the phone or via IM/email. When the "friend" is several hundred (maybe even thousand) miles away, you're going to miss a lot of those elements that make a friendship so worth having.
I have no doubt that If I (or my old friends from years back) every relocated close to each other, we would pick up our friendship without even skipping a beat, but distance prevails... it really puts a divide in the friendship from being true.
Yes, I understand that point of view. I'm prior military, so I have friends all over the country from when I was in the Iraq war back in 2003. I became close with these people and we helped each other to make it through that tough time in our lives. I still talk with the guys on a regular basis, and we meet at different times during the year. If I need them, they will be here for me, and I will do the same for them. We have a bond that no distance can take away.
One thing we have to understand , is that our lives may take different paths at some point. You can have friends all around you, but one day they could all be gone out of your life. Marriage, career, job transfer and other things can take these people out of your life, but they are still your friends. I have a few good friends here in my town, but the very best friend to me lives 5 hours away.
I don't think it's typical for an adult to be friendless, but unfortunately, sometimes it happens. Some people have careers that take them all over the country, some choose to stay single and childless and that can really drive a wedge between people, some people lose touch with their old circle and may be to busy with their lives to maintain a friendship, and I don't really consider "likes" and generic Facebook comments as maintaining a genuine friendship with "someone. These are considered "normal" or expected ways one may find themselves alone.
However, some people are just socially stunted, for whatever reason, and this is not normal. I'm referring to people that have NEVER had friends in their whole life.
I'm not sure how normal it is, but I'm sure it's common. Once you get out of college it's very difficult to meet people. And don't say church, every church I've been to has mostly old biddies. That leaves clubs and organizations (which it's been my experience few people under 40 join), and coworkers, which is risky.
Most people do turn out to be just acquaintances. A true friend that you can trust and who loves you is a rare bird.
Many people are naive and think they have a lot of friends when they really don't.
Yes I agree with this. I have a few tried and true friends. None of them live in my state. It's been this way for years. I usually manage to meet a few acquaintances from time to time and we hang out every couple months or so, but it's all on-the-surface stuff. Still enjoyable human interaction, though.
I'm in my late 20s and what I have found is people in my age group are not interested in making new friends unless they are single and / or wanting to have babies but haven't had them yet. Once they get married and have babies they drop their friends because the friends were just a placeholder for what they truly wanted. It took me a long time to accept this. It used to really hurt me when I was dropped as a friend but I expect it now.
In any case, I get along better with people that are older than I am, so those are usually people I spend time with. I use my energy to keep up my friendships of people near and dear to me (mostly people I have known for most of my life) and my relationship with my bf. And our dogs. The more people I meet the more I'm ready to just go live in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of dogs.
I don't really consider "likes" and generic Facebook comments as maintaining a genuine friendship with "someone.
Yeah I definitely agree with that too. Most people think a friendship is liking someone's FB picture and making a few comments on their page. All very superficial. People don't want to spend the time to actually invest in a friendship.
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