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My mom and I are not very similar. She's super-girly, loves jewelry and being pampered. I'm more boots, jeans, books and dogs. We basically have no values in common. We were at odds through most of my childhood and she really did a number on me. I've had relatives and friends corroborate how nasty and mean she can be, but she basically alternated between suffocating affection and putdowns and criticisms (including threats to put me into foster care). She wanted me to be like her, while excelling academically in ways she never bothered. Her behavior actually upset my friends, but it also became a running joke with them because they thought she was so over the top.
Any attempt to confront her about this treatment as an adult or to even ask her to acknowledge or discuss it, results in temper tantrums, denials of reality, horrible insults and accusations that I'm ungrateful or "only remember the bad things" and statements that she "did the best she could." Not surprisingly, I keep her at a distance via very firm boundaries, which has worked well.
She occasionally tries to start political conversations with me, and then gets angry when I have an opposing viewpoint and I won't come around to her way of thinking. I love her because she made sure I had every advantage, even if my self-esteem was regularly battered into nothingness and even though she's proven herself unreliable in times of crisis. But she was instrumental in me being able to grow into the person I am today, and I'm very happy with my life.
Well, recently she insisted that I include her as a friend on facebook because all her other friends are friends with their children on facebook. She demanded it as her birthday present. So I caved and friended her, against my better judgement - and also promptly unfollowed her so i wouldn't be provoked into saying anything unpleasant.
Recently, she felt the need to spout a bunch of political tripe that is patently false on one of my posts about Hillary being more qualified than Trump. I countered her arguments pretty effectively and told her she needed to read multiple sources, and she backpedaled like crazy, telling me that we have different viewpoints and that we should just agree to disagree. She couldn't have a temper tantrum and scream at me or say nasty things in public, so her only choice was retreat. I put a period on it by reminding her that I don't post "hysterical tripe" on her facebook page.
She loves to brag about how smart I am and how smart my friends are (to the point that some people are offended and I'm embarrassed), and now those friends are very politely and very respectfully taking her statements apart on facebook.
Can I just say that it warmed the cockles of my heart? Facebook does have therapeutic value. If it makes me a bad person to feel this way, I think I can live with that.
You know what would make you feel even better? Stop letting your mother live in your head.
Nothing frustrates a bully more than being ignored. If you don't react... They don't have ammunition to use against you. Just sayin.
Again, I can live with that. I'm sure you're very far above such feelings. LOL
What purpose did it serve? I have no idea how you were raised or how awful your mother was but sooner or later you're going to have to get past it. Belittling her on Facebook seems a lame attempt to get even.
So you stomped your feet (with words) and it made you feel all better.
Congratulations.
At times the high road to silence is the golden road to travel.
You know what would make you feel even better? Stop letting your mother live in your head.
Nothing frustrates a bully more than being ignored. If you don't react... They don't have ammunition to use against you. Just sayin.
Well, that's why I didn't want her to be my friend on facebook. I've set boundaries and maintained them religiously over the years, keeping her at an amused distance, but she was relentless. We've been mostly copacetic for years, but she keeps pushing for more. It's nice to have my feelings about her validated publicly - at her instigation - after years of being gaslighted by her. After her insisting for years that I didn't know what I was talking about or that I was making things up, she's being called out by other people.
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