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But they did find that the more people who attended a wedding, the more likely the marriage would last (probably indicates social support, which I can understand can be helpful---but just attending a wedding as a party event doesn't guarantee social support for a couple when times get tough).
You can not attend a wedding, but still be there after for friendship and support. It's kind of like when someone dies---there's lots of people at the funeral and for a short time after...but grieving people complain that no one is there for them three months later.
I think you harbor resentment. Considering what you've written in your original post, that this friendship has petered out, and that you quit inviting her to do things to see if she would invite you. You proved to yourself this friendship was one sided for whatever reason. And you've moved on.
If this "save the date" is your first knowledge of her pending wedding, then indeed your friendship has completely gone south.
I recently got a Save the Date for a friend's wedding next year but I really don't feel like going. Up until about 5 years ago or so we were glued at the hip but we have slowly been drifting apart for a number of years as it feels like we have less and less in common. In the past year you can count the number of times I have seen or heard from her on one hand. Basically I realized that it was always me initiating contact and plans to hang out so I stopped to see if she would take the lead but she never did. Am I wrong for not feeling more excited about this wedding? Should I go or can I politely decline?
You have a lot of sourpuss feelings about your relationship with this woman. This invite seems to be nothing more than something like a splinter that you are playing with.. What's "wrong" is why are you twisting this one way and another. Yank it out and stop fiddling about it.
It is probably a situation of a catch 22 for the bride. If she didn't invite you, she may be concerned you would be offended. That being said, some people really do get upset when people do not show for their wedding, so if you don't go then this may be the end of the friendship for both of you.
I personally don't like weddings. I am in a happy marriage and don't dislike anyone entering marriage. I simply do not like the events. I find them to be expensive to attend, don't care for large crowds and it just makes me feel anxious as you end up at a table with people you don't know. Honestly, I'd rather send a stellar gift. The last wedding I went to was for my cousin. The date she chose was the same date as when I got married.
During the evening she surprised us by telling the DJ to call us out from the crowd and have us start a small dance to announce our wedding anniversary. It was a very sweet gesture on her part but for someone like me, who can't dance very well AND hates being the center of attention, it was a little bit of a nightmare.
OMG....see...she really should have told you she wanted to do this for you to make sure you were ok with it first.
This is the type of thing that would have been horrifying for me lol
You have a lot of sourpuss feelings about your relationship with this woman. This invite seems to be nothing more than something like a splinter that you are playing with.. What's "wrong" is why are you twisting this one way and another. Yank it out and stop fiddling about it.
I think this is a very insightful comment.
There is no reason to over analyze a wedding invitation. You either go or you don't go. No need to give any reasons or excuses or analyze it to death. It's not worth that much investment of one's mental energies.
I have to admit that that is another reason I'm apprehensive about this wedding. Apart from the fact that our friendship isn't what it used to be I have my doubts about the marriage and whether they are actually a happy couple. Her fiance has already cheated on her and in general is a jerk. I kind of suspect she is marrying him because she is so desperate to fulfill her dream of a family and a house in the burbs that she would be willing to settle for someone who treats her poorly.
Sounds like that's as good a reason not to go as any.
I have to admit that that is another reason I'm apprehensive about this wedding. Apart from the fact that our friendship isn't what it used to be I have my doubts about the marriage and whether they are actually a happy couple. Her fiance has already cheated on her and in general is a jerk. I kind of suspect she is marrying him because she is so desperate to fulfill her dream of a family and a house in the burbs that she would be willing to settle for someone who treats her poorly.
If I got a Save the Date from a "friend" who I didn't even know was seeing anyone, much less engaged, then I am a mere acquaintance at this point. Some people just want a lot of attendees/presents.
If I got a Save the Date from a "friend" who I didn't even know was seeing anyone, much less engaged, then I am a mere acquaintance at this point. Some people just want a lot of attendees/presents.
Exactly. This "friendship" has turned into a casual acquaintance at best.
You're right about a lot of attendees. I just went through this with an "old friend" and I posted this earlier. Got invited to wedding in MA and I live in CA. Haven't seen these people in 8 years, talked once on the phone in the last year.
It wasn't about them wanting me there(I never met the groom and the bride is the daughter of an college friend and we just chat through email). The mother(friend) is very self centered and she wanted an audience for her Mother of the Bride role.....LOL.
I sent a gift, never got a thank you in an email from the mother/friend for doing so. She was annoyed I wasn't coming, also now getting the cold shoulder as in no emails....Oh well, I saved myself about $2K in travel expenses and now clearly made the right decision not to go.
We have a very "Look at me" society today. So in these situations it's about a gift and having an audience, not about them really wanting you there.
I have to admit that that is another reason I'm apprehensive about this wedding. Apart from the fact that our friendship isn't what it used to be I have my doubts about the marriage and whether they are actually a happy couple. Her fiance has already cheated on her and in general is a jerk. I kind of suspect she is marrying him because she is so desperate to fulfill her dream of a family and a house in the burbs that she would be willing to settle for someone who treats her poorly.
Unfortunately this is something that she has chosen for herself and as friends or family no one has to like it but they do have to accept it as her choice.
Perhaps you can mark the date and as the time gets closer make a decision after you get the actual invitation as to your attending or not.
Friendships change over the years which is a natural progression of separate lives moving forward, there is no right or wrong in the situation on either side of the friendship.
You might also consider a nice card and best wishes for her future if you decide not to attend.
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