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Old 09-05-2016, 11:04 AM
 
242 posts, read 245,067 times
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I recently got a Save the Date for a friend's wedding next year but I really don't feel like going. Up until about 5 years ago or so we were glued at the hip but we have slowly been drifting apart for a number of years as it feels like we have less and less in common. In the past year you can count the number of times I have seen or heard from her on one hand. Basically I realized that it was always me initiating contact and plans to hang out so I stopped to see if she would take the lead but she never did. Am I wrong for not feeling more excited about this wedding? Should I go or can I politely decline?
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Old 09-05-2016, 11:27 AM
 
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Are you married? Did she attend your wedding?

Of course you can decline. It sounds as though you've both checked out at this point anyway. But, I would be gracious and send a gift.
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Old 09-05-2016, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Lower Eastside
400 posts, read 881,075 times
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Chapters in life close. You were sent a save the date card "just because" I'll bet. Send a nice card, but if you really don't want to go, don't. It does sound like you've both checked out anyway.
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Old 09-05-2016, 12:09 PM
 
3,137 posts, read 2,237,428 times
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You don't have to be "best friends" with someone to attend their wedding. I get wedding invitations and sometimes I'm not that close to the people, but based on relationships we've had in the past, I will attend. I also attend family members wedding even if I am not close to them. The only exception is that I wouldn't spend money to travel far away to a wedding of someone I wasn't close to.
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Old 09-05-2016, 12:10 PM
 
3,137 posts, read 2,237,428 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Are you married? Did she attend your wedding?
.
This. I would definitely go if that person had gone to my wedding.
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Old 09-05-2016, 12:29 PM
 
7,746 posts, read 14,580,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 514gal View Post
I recently got a Save the Date for a friend's wedding next year but I really don't feel like going. Up until about 5 years ago or so we were glued at the hip but we have slowly been drifting apart for a number of years as it feels like we have less and less in common. In the past year you can count the number of times I have seen or heard from her on one hand. Basically I realized that it was always me initiating contact and plans to hang out so I stopped to see if she would take the lead but she never did. Am I wrong for not feeling more excited about this wedding? Should I go or can I politely decline?
If you both been drifting apart and not really communicating for the last several years, then she's not really a friend. At best, she's an acquaintance. If you're not really excited for her and this new chapter in her life, then you should definitely skip the wedding. Don't go in hopes of rekindling the friendship.
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Old 09-05-2016, 01:23 PM
 
7,572 posts, read 3,822,417 times
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If you don't want to go to the wedding, there's nothing wrong with politely declining. Attending weddings can be expensive and if you aren't close to the person anymore and aren't feeling it, there's no obligation involved. I think that applies even if she attended your wedding.

Just because you were close to a person 5-6 years ago and that person came to your wedding then doesn't mean that friendships remain static over the years. (Note that my answer would change if she was a bridesmaid, but barring that, no- I don't see any obligation to go.) I have friends who when they get into wedding mode, in the year or two prior to the wedding the handful of contacts they've had with me shift from actual "friend" stuff to ultra sporadic wedding-only contacts. For example, I had one friend who would send me complaint after complaint about her boyfriend being a deadbeat and then suddenly they were engaged and wouldn't converse about anything BUT the wedding. That was the end of a 10-year friendship.
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Old 09-05-2016, 01:30 PM
 
5,097 posts, read 5,616,732 times
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Ask yourself.. are you doing it out of some obligation because the 2 of you "used" to be friends? If you feel strongly about not going, don't go.
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Old 09-05-2016, 01:50 PM
 
Location: CO
2,454 posts, read 3,096,811 times
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Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
Ask yourself.. are you doing it out of some obligation because the 2 of you "used" to be friends? If you feel strongly about not going, don't go.
That's probably why you got an invitation - because you used to be friends and she didn't want to slight those memories. No obligation on your part except a card and best wishes.
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Old 09-05-2016, 01:55 PM
 
3,137 posts, read 2,237,428 times
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Sometimes people can have negative feelings about weddings for various reasons. 1) they are recently divorced 2) single, never married and no marriage prospects at the time 3) don't like either the bride or groom. The only thing etiquette-wise that you should do is RSVP with yes or no.


I have to admit, I do feel kind of resentful when I see my family making such a big deal out of someone's wedding, when they did not offer any support for me when I got married. I still attend family weddings but I am very low key about all of it. They can't expect me to gush with enthusiasm when they didn't do the same for me.
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