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Hi! Since this thread is about your kids (adult/young adult I assume). It is about relationships indirectly, but your relationship with your kids and their girlfriend or boyfriend is non-romantic so that is why I am putting it in here.
For parents who have kids who can't get a girlfriend, do you think its something you should help them with?
Would you rather be the parent where your son or daughter brings someone new in the house all the time, or be the parent where your son or daughter can't seem to get anyone?
If you think this belongs in relationships then I am sorry, this just seems to be a gray area.
I think I would have put this in the parenting forum.
My kids are successfully launched. I did not worry about them getting partners. I worried about them getting good enough grades to do well in college, and getting jobs after. The rest falls into place, IMO.
For parents who have kids who can't get a girlfriend, do you think its something you should help them with?
No.
And I didn't. They managed on their own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Networking_Guy
Would you rather be the parent where your son or daughter brings someone new in the house all the time, or be the parent where your son or daughter can't seem to get anyone?
The former, as that is what my kids did.
You DO realize that bring home someone new all the time is what dating is all about, right?
As a mom of both, an early bloomer and a late bloomer.....just be there for them. You cannot slow down a speeding train and you can't push one to go faster. Just be on the lookout, in either case, for anything requiring help outside of the family. Today's kids have way too much pressure put on them, test scores, college, and knowing what direction they wish to go in, and all before they get out of elementary school. They don't understand it's okay to stumble, and many times, they are harder on themselves than we ever could be. Just keep telling them you are there for them.
^^^^THIS is so true. I think a lot of people today underestimate the need to connect and feel connected, including parents. Yes, teens/young adults need to find their own way, but it is so important that they know that the parent is there for them.
We get caught up in the guidance / financial support aspect today. Kids (and parents) are increasingly dependent upon technology. My teens DO NOT want to listen to me - or even want me around all the time or in their business, but it has helped our relationship immensely when I make it a point to let them know that I am there for them, mean it, and act accordingly. That way they know it is true and not lip service. Funny thing is that when they experienced that from me - they even RECIPROCATED, and were there for me a few times too...I felt so rewarded in my parenting efforts...we will see what adulthood brings...
My daughter has a very stable relationship that she has had since high school. They are a very good couple. I am the sheltering type and I wouldn't have wanted her to date around. It wasn't my choice but I don't want her being used like a piece of meat. I am not kidding about that. Fortunately that was not a problem.
My son can't get a girlfriend and he is nerdy so not really the hot guy. He is very handsome and nice but not cool at all. I hope he does find someone but it is not my job to butt in about that. I like it because he doesn't get in trouble.
I do want him to be happy and meet his match someday. He is happy now and I did ask.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I'm speaking from the perspective of the kid who cannot get a date and my mother is super worried. It is so exhausting dealing with her fear that I'll be (gasp) single for life to the point that I don't mention even a hint of my romantic endeavors to her. She knows I don't want kids but I think she should really realize that single for life is not a bad thing though I hope it don't turn out that way but I'm prepared if it does. She needs to relax, I'm 28, don't live with her, employed, and no criminal record. She did something right.
I'm speaking from the perspective of the kid who cannot get a date and my mother is super worried. It is so exhausting dealing with her fear that I'll be (gasp) single for life to the point that I don't mention even a hint of my romantic endeavors to her. She knows I don't want kids but I think she should really realize that single for life is not a bad thing though I hope it don't turn out that way but I'm prepared if it does. She needs to relax, I'm 28, don't live with her, employed, and no criminal record. She did something right.
Good for you. She superimposing her upbringing, and her parent's expectations of her and her siblings. When she was raised that was what she was told was the right way. It's sad because many of our parents and my generation, unlike you, are comfortable with themselves, alone. They scramble after their divorces to remarry because it's unheard of to be alone. What many don't realize if they aren't happy with themselves, they will never be happy with anyone else. Lol, my ex thought it inconceivable that I would want to divorce him and be alone, than be miserable with him. Only took me 30 years to figure that one out on my own. I'm probably close to your mom's age and you're resisting her lifetime lessons of our generation. Sit mom down, tell her her expectations of you are creating angst. Tell her you appreciate all she has done for you, but enough is enough. Then, and only then, after kindly asking her to put a lid on it, if she repeats the behavior, let her know you need to get off the phone or you need to leave immediately after dinner. Mom's not stupid, just stubborn. But you need to get this fixed for both your sakes.
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