How do you deal with distant friends? (person, messages, college)
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So I have been dealing with this issue for a while now. My best friend and I met in high school, now we are university students. We've shared a lot of fun memories together, we have been there for each other during major life events, and we rarely if ever have fought during the course of our 6 year friendship.
I moved away from where she lived more than a year ago. She has never made an attempt to come visit me. She had a license, and a brand new car. I would always go visit her. Her mother never wanted her to come here because she's super overprotective and did not want her driving on the highway, but for the sake of our friendship I was willing to overlook it.
Now recently, I've made attempts to hang out with her. We were both busy working full time during the summer, but I still attempted to make plans. Each time she would have a reason why she couldn't. I thought maybe after university started, we could hang out and catch up as our jobs were more demanding during the summer time.
After university started, I asked her whenever she was free we should hang. It had been 4 months since we had seen each other. We only live a 1 hour drive away from each other. She said yes, and the day of she got into a car accident and could not. Thankfully she was not hurt but her car was towed. After that I attempted to go visit her and cheer her up as she was feeling super depressed. Each time she was not home or at work.
Now I am a very understanding friend. I will give a person space and be there to comfort them. However, I just feel so upset. I feel a huge distance between us. I don't know what is wrong. We never fight, we usually see eye to eye, and we have a solid friendship. I do not know what to do. I would like to talk to her about it, but she's the type to apologize yet continue with the same behavior. I don't want an apology, I just want to have a normal friendship again. Should I cut her off? Confront her? Ignore her until she contacts me?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I have never been in the type of situation before and I'm so lost on how to continue with this "friendship" we have.
You should just step back and give her some space and time, she will contact you when she is ready. Don't force yourself on anyone. Try expanding your circle of friends in the meantime, and try to be understanding to your friend. Perhaps she is going through some personal issues that she wish not to share with you at this time, respect that and move on with your own life. Don't put your life on hold, just continue to grow and expand your own life, and let your friend catch up when and if she is ready.
Some friends are like that, they get busy with their own stuff and it becomes hard to find time to hang out. I have a friend from middle school and when he wasn't in prison we could go months without seeing each other. We both had a life and it is what it is. Even now, he only writes me after I write him first even though I know he dont have much else going on. No biggie, its been a couple months since I had time to write. No hard feelings between us because of it, that's just how life as a busy adult is.
I hate to say it, but sometimes friendships just end, for no apparent reason. I mean, there probably are reasons, but you may never know what they are.
I had a friend that I knew from the time we were teenagers. Even into our 40's we played golf every Saturday. All of the sudden, he didn't want to play anymore, go out for a beer, nothing. Cut me off short if I called. If I did something I'd like to know what it was. I had my suspicions what this was all about (not me, really) but I never really knew.
It's too bad, but I've moved on. Sometimes you just have to whether you understand the reasons or not.
Friendships change as you get older. I still keep in touch with some people from high school, but we maybe only get together once a year (if that) and sometimes exchange texts or Facebook messages in the meantime. It's not like you have to write this person completely out of your life.
You should live your life. Your friend can get with the program, or not. If you want to babysit others, then that is on you.
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