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Old 10-06-2016, 02:20 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
18,474 posts, read 16,136,037 times
Reputation: 37253

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Here's a question: would you rather have no friends or friends you have little or nothing in common with? Are you the kind of person that needs to have a squad around you constantly or can you be your own best friend?

I ask because I have a dilemma. For some reason, most of the few friends I have are in their early-mid 20's, including my 2 roommates. I feel like I can't connect with them on any level and I'm staring to think that I'd be better off without them. They aren't malicious in any way, but we've nothing in common. I find that as I've gotten older, I can't fake it anymore and I find myself feeling lonely among such people

Anyway, I'd be interested to hear other people's perspectives.
I do have friends with whom I have not much in common with. There is ALWAYS something that connects two people, there aren't any who have NOTHING in common with me. I find it impossible to find somebody who is the opposite in EVERYTHING.


However, it seems like you are not enjoying your time with them. Maybe time to cut your losses and look for new friends.
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Old 10-06-2016, 02:24 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, California
1,949 posts, read 5,802,812 times
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an ethnic minority often finds friendships with another person from the same culture / country, sometimes thats enough to become friends, they have similar background , religion, language, etc

thats why you have Russian communities, asian communities, others, etc
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Old 10-06-2016, 02:52 PM
 
17,817 posts, read 23,276,917 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
I do have friends with whom I have not much in common with. There is ALWAYS something that connects two people, there aren't any who have NOTHING in common with me. I find it impossible to find somebody who is the opposite in EVERYTHING.


However, it seems like you are not enjoying your time with them. Maybe time to cut your losses and look for new friends.

That's true about having nothing in common, there has to be at least one or two things you have in common.

But it takes more than that to form friendships.

The OP never said how old she is, but it sounds like she is much older than her roommates. Well we don't know if she moved in with them or vice versa. But it's kind of foolish to do that. Living with roommates can be difficult enough, but don't make it more so by moving in with people who are young enough to be your children.

Your tastes in music, clothing, views on life, etc. will be totally different. You don't want to be living with people who go out 4 nights a week coming home at 2am, when you're in bed by 11pm and are a light sleeper.

Common sense should tell you if you need a roommate due to economic circumstances and you're say 46, you don't live with someone who is 22 and than wonder why we have nothing in common. You find someone in your age range. No guarantee that will work out great, but less chance of friction in most cases.
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Old 10-06-2016, 02:59 PM
 
Location: So Cal
46,539 posts, read 45,737,366 times
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I've never been a guy that needed a "squad" of friends, a small handful is fine. I've always thought that people that need a lot of friends are people that aren't really comfortable on their own. Whatever floats people's boat.

I would rather not have any friends if I didn't have any common interests. What's the point otherwise, can't be alone with your own thoughts, perhaps????
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Old 10-06-2016, 03:24 PM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
855 posts, read 399,766 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Well you don't say how old you are but it sounds like you're not in your 20s. So of course you're not going to have much in common, that's kind of a given.

Look to activities you enjoy, maybe a book club. You will find people who have common interests.

Volunteering for a cause(you like cats, how about a shelter?) will put you in contact with people who have similar interests as yourself.
I'm 32. I have issues with anxiety, so meeting people is tough (especially people my own age). It's weird because they say they're my friends, but we never talk about anything so I don't see how that is so. I actually had this conversation with the one I get along with better and she didn't understand where I was coming from. I guess younger people overuse the term "friends" perhaps when what they mean is acquaintance or just plain old roommate.
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Old 10-06-2016, 03:25 PM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
855 posts, read 399,766 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I've never been a guy that needed a "squad" of friends, a small handful is fine. I've always thought that people that need a lot of friends are people that aren't really comfortable on their own. Whatever floats people's boat.

I would rather not have any friends if I didn't have any common interests. What's the point otherwise, can't be alone with your own thoughts, perhaps????
I'm fine being alone, but these 2 girls I live with insist we are all "friends". I don't get it
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Old 10-06-2016, 03:28 PM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
855 posts, read 399,766 times
Reputation: 1840
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
That's true about having nothing in common, there has to be at least one or two things you have in common.

But it takes more than that to form friendships.

The OP never said how old she is, but it sounds like she is much older than her roommates. Well we don't know if she moved in with them or vice versa. But it's kind of foolish to do that. Living with roommates can be difficult enough, but don't make it more so by moving in with people who are young enough to be your children.

Your tastes in music, clothing, views on life, etc. will be totally different. You don't want to be living with people who go out 4 nights a week coming home at 2am, when you're in bed by 11pm and are a light sleeper.

Common sense should tell you if you need a roommate due to economic circumstances and you're say 46, you don't live with someone who is 22 and than wonder why we have nothing in common. You find someone in your age range. No guarantee that will work out great, but less chance of friction in most cases.
32. But those 10 years feel like a lot.

I don't hate them. One of them agreed to put me up when I broke up with my ex a few months ago (long story). I've known her for over a year through a Facebook group. We initially connected because we both suffer from anxiety and depression, but she got better and has a new roommate her own age. They get along great, but I feel left out or like the boring older sister. Good people, yes. Friends, no.
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Old 10-06-2016, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,255 posts, read 58,694,927 times
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Neither, but the question is jacked bc I have friends I share interests with and others I just love bc of who they are and the niceness they bring to my life.
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Old 10-06-2016, 03:32 PM
 
Location: So Cal
46,539 posts, read 45,737,366 times
Reputation: 47518
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
I'm fine being alone, but these 2 girls I live with insist we are all "friends". I don't get it
You can be "friendly" but do your own thing.
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Old 10-06-2016, 03:36 PM
 
7,257 posts, read 4,438,605 times
Reputation: 11385
I'm fine with no friends period.
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