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Old 10-07-2016, 07:12 AM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
855 posts, read 400,054 times
Reputation: 1840

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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhureeKeeper View Post
I think it's interesting the number of people who say they have no friends and are OK with it.
They must have a lot of family members to help bridge that gap, or are there that many people on C-D who are truly alone?
Maybe they're just perfectly fine with their own company and don't need friends or family around? I am for the most part, but I do need a balance of both alone time and hanging out with (the right) friends.
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Old 10-07-2016, 11:04 AM
 
17,817 posts, read 23,286,078 times
Reputation: 36212
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
We met on a Facebook depression group. I stayed with the one friend before, but it was when she was still living with her mom and it was a healthier dynamic (at least for me). She's cool and all, but actually living together and her coming out of her shell has made me realize we haven't got anything in common.

I agree about age gaps. I tend to think people born after 1991 or so are just different in many respects. We don't like the same music. I feel old around them.
Well the thing is you're not old at all. You're 32.

If you lived with people closer to your age you would have more in common.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aery11 View Post
I don't know exactly how many words the Eskimos (oops I think we are not supposed to call them that any more .. Inuit) have for 'snow' but it is reputed to be quite a few.


I think we really need to have more words in the English language to describe (not 'in love') 'relationships' than we currently have. We only seem to have two - acquaintance and friend - though maybe 'companion' is occasionally used to fit a particular situation or role. Sometimes we add 'best' or 'true' or some other adjective to differentiate one from another that could appear to be of the same status, etc. but this is not descriptive enough in these days when social media may have many believing that almost everyone deserves to be on as many 'friends' lists as they want to be.


Consequently, I think most people don't really have a clue what it takes to be or make a true friend any more, what that means, why one would want to have one or two (not a trillion) in one's life. I would not be very surprised in many cases to find that many people who some regard as friends don't even know that 'friend's' last name or street address much less have met their family, or know that person's true interests/passions in life - but they may have shared a deep intimate secret in passing online, or even just a casual conversation or a joke, and they suddenly label that person as a 'friend'. Maybe 'you' don't do that but the problem is that so many do that we have no way to really understand any more what the word or state of friendship means.


To answer your questions - No.


I am currently without any real friends. I lost my best one when my husband died. I hope another good 'friend' will come along in time but if he/she doesn't, I can live with that.


I have a few acquaintanceships. The common bond may be interests but it may be just we live next door and wave to each other and know each other's names.


It is nice to have some contact with other human beings. I like to talk and listen. I like to know people's names and about their lives. I like to sit and chat with people. I am able to be alone for long periods just fine but I also like company.


Friendship is a very strong bond that is built over a long period. It could include at least some common interests, other than each other, but that is not actually necessary (though that may have been where and how you met initially). What I think IS necessary is a shared concern for each other, a great depth of caring about the happiness and welfare of the other, and a willingness to help them be the best they can be - and in return you get the same from them and both benefit. You don't (and probably could not handle well) usually have room in your life for more than one or two of those at any given time in my opinion.


So, if I can only have one or two real 'friends' in my life then everyone else is an acquaintance - simply because we really do lack the words to describe the different levels or stages along the continuum from acquaintance to friendship (and the fact that at any point, one can get on or off the 'friendship train' as well). It takes a lot of energy and devotion to be a good 'friend'/maintain a good friendship the way I look at it.


Acquaintances are a dime a dozen. They may come and go in and out of one's life. They may stick around long enough for something deeper to grow, but, most people are mere acquaintances .. not 'friends' as the social world would like one to think these days.

What a well written post. I'm always amazed(especially on here) when people start talking about "friends" and you find out they have known the person 3 months but they're BFF.

I don't consider someone a friend until I know them for about a year. And only if the relationship progresses. They're acquaintances that you socialize with, and until I get to know them I don't discuss personal business.

I think today with social media people throw the word "friend" around very loosely.
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Old 10-07-2016, 11:09 AM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
855 posts, read 400,054 times
Reputation: 1840
@ seain dublin you talk so much sense. 32 does feel old compared to a millennial 22 year old. We have nothing at all in common. In fact they drive me mad. I would rather live with 52 year olds. I'm sure they'd have better taste in music lol
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Old 10-07-2016, 11:11 AM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
855 posts, read 400,054 times
Reputation: 1840
I wish I'd have titled my post "The Chronic Overuse of the Word 'Friend' by the Millennial Generation and the Impact of Social Media'
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Old 10-07-2016, 11:23 AM
 
17,817 posts, read 23,286,078 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
@ seain dublin you talk so much sense. 32 does feel old compared to a millennial 22 year old. We have nothing at all in common. In fact they drive me mad. I would rather live with 52 year olds. I'm sure they'd have better taste in music lol

Thanks, you probably would have more in common with a 52 year old. It would probably be quieter as well...LOL.

You're all grown up, a 22 year old simply isn't all grown up. Especially these days when 22 is the new 14.

There is a much bigger difference between 22 and 32 vs. 42 and 32.
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Old 10-07-2016, 11:27 AM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
855 posts, read 400,054 times
Reputation: 1840
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Thanks, you probably would have more in common with a 52 year old. It would probably be quieter as well...LOL.

You're all grown up, a 22 year old simply isn't all grown up. Especially these days when 22 is the new 14.

There is a much bigger difference between 22 and 32 vs. 42 and 32.
Totally agree. All but one of the few friends I have are older. It isn't that they're loud though. If anything I'm probably more "loud" than they are LOL. I don't always feel grown up though. Still as lost as I was 10 years ago.

I don't know any 52 year olds looking for a roommate but I'll keep my eye open.
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Old 10-07-2016, 12:29 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
30,690 posts, read 24,138,094 times
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I have friends that I don't have a ton in common with, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy their company or perspectives on occasion.
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Old 10-07-2016, 01:15 PM
 
17,817 posts, read 23,286,078 times
Reputation: 36212
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Totally agree. All but one of the few friends I have are older. It isn't that they're loud though. If anything I'm probably more "loud" than they are LOL. I don't always feel grown up though. Still as lost as I was 10 years ago.

I don't know any 52 year olds looking for a roommate but I'll keep my eye open.

Well you never know, someone who is recently divorced. There are people who need a roommate to make their mortgage payment.

There must be early 30 somethings like yourself who might need a roommate.
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Old 10-07-2016, 01:51 PM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
855 posts, read 400,054 times
Reputation: 1840
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Well you never know, someone who is recently divorced. There are people who need a roommate to make their mortgage payment.

There must be early 30 somethings like yourself who might need a roommate.
Most people my age are stable and don't need to live with roommates 🙁
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Old 10-07-2016, 01:58 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
18,477 posts, read 16,154,912 times
Reputation: 37297
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhureeKeeper View Post
I think it's interesting the number of people who say they have no friends and are OK with it.
They must have a lot of family members to help bridge that gap, or are there that many people on C-D who are truly alone?
Are you really surprised? Tons of people with no social circle, hobbies, job, or life hang out on internet platforms. I am actually surprised to find so many regular people at CD.
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